A Rough Day

Today was a really good day for James and I. He has seemingly hit the "Terrible Twos" a little early, and has been testing my patience in a big way. I finally came to the conclusion that it was time for the hammer of discipline to come down, and that starting today I was taking no more attitude (this decision made after totally melting down yesterday). So far it's been working well. Along with the hammer of discipline was also the fact that I am no longer willing to rock James for his naps, and then end up having to sit there and hold him through the entire thing. Lately he has been waking up as soon as he is put down, and then crying if I don't hold him. Today was also the end of that, and he actually fell asleep on his own quite quickly.

Well, supper time rolled around, and I had to make a quick stop in the bathroom before making James supper. James followed me into the bathroom, and was complaining because he was hungry. As we turned to walk out of the bathroom, James tripped on a rug and hit his forehead on the corner of the wall. He fell hard, and his head caught the edge where the baseboards join at the bottom, which is a sharp corner. I didn't even look at the wound - I just picked him up and ran for ice. He was screaming, and blood was running into his eye. I took a look at the damage, and could tell right away that we would need to go to the hospital. I was home alone, so I called my mom to come and take us there. Just as she arrived, Ryan also showed up on the scene (almost a 1/2 hour earlier than normal), so he was able to take us. God has good timing! Anyway, my poor little guy ended up with 3 stitches. I warned the nurses that they were likely to see us again in the future. With the level of energy that James has, this type of thing is bound to happen often.

Just to prove that this is not an April Fool's joke, here is the photo proof.

Losing Isaiah

I'm having an emotional week dealing with the fact that my best friend Rebekah is leaving. For now it is only for a few months, but knowing her passion and her husband's passion for ministry, I am sort of assuming that it will eventually be a long-term goodbye.

Rebekah came into my life on the evening that we came home from the hospital after losing our first baby. Since then, she has been a friend through some of the most exciting, and some of the most heart-wrenching moments in my life. She was there when I found out I was pregnant. She has been there when I thought I might completely fall apart (all those millions of times a day). She was there... she has just always been there. She has really been a mentor to me in my faith. I can talk to her about absolutely everything, and I would trust her with anything.

I haven't given the label "best friend" to anyone in a very long time. My past is sort of filled with some painful memories of losing people that I had labelled my "best friend". I guess it's taken this long for those wounds to heal, and now that I've finally found a best friend again, I have to say goodbye. I've shed so many tears about it already, but at the same time I don't want to fall into self-pity. I really just want to challenge Rebekah to go forward and touch lives like she has touched mine. I want to be her prayer warrior, and biggest cheerleader. For all that she has done for me, I want to be there for her now. It's funny - I miss her and she isn't even gone yet.

Today James and I were on a walk around the yard, and I asked him where Isaiah's house was. He immediately began walking toward their house. I realized then that we won't be making that walk this summer... unless for some reason we know the people living in that house. It also made me realize that I'm not only losing Rebekah as my neighbour, but James is losing Isaiah! He might not know it now, but he will really miss having a neighbour so close to his own age to play with. My dreams of seeing them playing outside together are sort of fading now.

Have you ever had to say goodbye to your best friend? Have you ever wondered if someone could take their place? Who will I call 100 times a day? Who will I talk to about everything, and trust with my deepest, darkest secrets? Who will inspire me to love Jesus more every day? Can I trust myself to rely on God when I feel alone? I have so many questions, but I know I will perservere. Right now though, my heart is aching, and I dread the day that I officially say goodbye.

ESFJ - The Caregiver

"And above all, have fervent love for one another:

for love shall cover the multitude of sins."

~ Peter 4.8 ~

I just took a personality quiz today that almost COMPLETELY sums me up as a person! I was typed as an ESFJ, and I was amazed at how accurate it was. A friend of mine put me on to it, and it's really fun to see what other peoples personalities are. If you want, do the quiz and comment here with your personality. Let me know if you think it is accurate or not. Below is a brief outline of my type. What do you think, is it me?

ESFJ (Extravert, Sensor, Feeler, Judger):
People of this type tend to be: active, friendly, and energetic; outgoing, affectionate, and talkative; concerned about others and careful to be polite and cooperative; realistic, literal, and conscientious; highly sensitive and easily hurt; organized, responsible, and conventional.

The most important thing to ESFJs is their relationships and helping people in real, and practical ways.

To read all about the ESFJ personality in detail, click here.

He's Alive

This song used to play at our house frequently when I was a little girl. I loved this song, and I still do! It makes me cry at the end!

Sixteen Months (Early)

I know it isn't officially James' sixteen month birthday, but I thought I'd post while I have time. If I based my post on todays events alone, you would not get a very pretty picture. Today James has gotten hurt so many times, I can't even count. In a span of about five minutes, the following scene took place: I was preparing lunch, and James was very unhappy (probably just hungry). He was trying to push me away from the counter while I was working, and bumped his head on the cupboard knob. Crying ensued, and then finally was resolved when he found his blankie on the floor. Crying stops. He then proceeded to slip on blankie, banging his forehead and chin on the floor. Crying ensued, I put a small bowl of very warm (not hot) soup onto the table for James, and then went to cuddle the injured soul. Crying stops. I go to the counter to get my soup when I hear screaming! I turn around to see James' hand covered in very warm soup. The bowl was still on the table, in it's proper position, but soup was dripping off the side of the table. I don't know if he actually reached the soup, or just banged the table, but none-the-less the damage was done. I pick him up, and run cool water over his hand. Crying stops. I call my mom to ask her what I should put on it, in the meantime spraying stain remover onto James sleeper that I had just removed. Within seconds, James pulls the Huggies diaper wipes out of his diaper bag, steps on the container, slips, and falls hard onto his bum. Crying then ensued... seriously, this was just a few minutes out of an entire morning of similar scenarios.

On the brighter side, James has been a tonne of fun! He is talking a lot now, and has finally transitioned into eating table food. This has still be somewhat problematic, as he appears to have also transitioned into a fussy eater. He will only eat: bread, cheese, peas and corn, and noodles. But hey, it's a start. He got a set of alphabet books for his birthday, and is quite good at remembering what is on each page. He seems to know "owl", "flower" and "turtle" the best. Yesterday he discovered a new box filled with various sizes and brands of batteries. I let him play with them while I did some things on the computer. Later, then I came back into the room, I noticed that he had pulled out all the Duracell D size batteries and lined them up. What a smartie! He also loves hide-and-seek and going for walks in his new John Deer wagon. He also now knows the word "yacka" which is "jacket". He LOVES going outside, in the car, or even just into the porch to visit Kitty. He will often come to me now with his jacket, saying "yacka, car, bye bye" when he wants to go out. He is a complete joy - and just gets more fun every single day.

I'm NOT a Germ-O-Phobic!

***Long Post Warning***

Really, I'm not. I am not afraid of germs, and I think that it's really good for your child to be exposed to a few to strengthen their immune system. However, I don't really feel that it's necessary to spread germs around. Nobody enjoys a sick child. Especially when the sick child's sleep is affected by the symptoms, and thus, affecting the sleep of the rest of the household. I know that a parent doesn't always know that their child is carrying a virus, because these viruses can go undetected for days, sometimes weeks. But if your child is physically showing signs of illness, I believe it is our duty to keep them out public places - and at the very least, when it is absolutely necessary to go out, to be considerate of the other healthy children around.

There are a few places that make me cringe when it comes to the spread of germs. These places are: Morning Out for Moms, the childen's play centre at the mall, shopping carts, the church nursery room, and the airport. James has been at, or been in contact with at least three of these places or things in the last week.

I have NEVER yet taken James to Morning Out for Moms this year that he has NOT gotten sick within a few days. This has been a great frustration to me, and other moms, because we would love to attend this weekly event. However, James has been sick after every single time I've attended. I actually haven't attended now for a month or more for this very reason - because I am tired of a sick child. I decided I was being silly, so I brought him there this past week. Wouldn't you know it - he has a cold now.

I won't necessarily blame Moms group though. On Monday we travelled from Vancouver Island back home to Winnipeg. In the Vancouver terminal, at our gate, there was another mom and her son waiting to board the plane. James was strapped into an umbrella stroller, minding his own business. This other little boy, just a few months younger, was walking around the waiting area. He immediately came running up to see James, and I said hello to him and the mom. They were both very friendly, and 'Logan' started climbing up onto James in the stroller. James was NOT impressed, and at the same time that he started to cry I noticed that Logan had shnot running out of both nostrils, and into his mouth. I also noticed that he was sniffling, and before I could stop the impending spread of germs he let out two raspy coughs - right into James' face. I did not show it, but I was livid! I politely lowered Logan down to the floor, and made a bee-line with James out into the hall. My mother-in-law saw the whole thing unfold, and was equally as perturbed as myself. We both had to ask, why would that mother have let her obviously sick son crawl all over another child? Nevermind the fact that we were strangers, and James was really upset that this child was climbing on him. I tried to clean James up with a wet wipe, but as far as I know that will do very little to kill off a virus.

I encourage all you moms out there to do your best to protect your children, and others by not taking them out into public areas when they are noticeably sick. Teach your older kids to sneeze into their elbow, or use a Kleenex. Maybe even carry a little bottle of that antibacterial stuff in your purse. Please don't be angry with me if you disagree. I just don't think its fair that I have to lose sleep because little Logan wanted a stroller ride. I really feel like when James is sick, it's my obligation as his mom to keep him away from other children, or places where he could easily make someone else sick. We were at the mall recently, and James went up to a little baby girl on her mom's lap. The mother was friendly, and started to talk to James, so I knew it was okay that he was near them. Then James reached out to touched the baby's hand. I quickly took his hand away, and told him that it was not okay to touch a stranger. I then told the mom that he was not sick, so she didn't have to worry about that. She was very appreciative! She thanked me for being courteous about letting my child touch hers, and also said she thought it was really nice that I had taken into consideration that he could pass on a sickness. In the end, she said it was okay for James to touch the baby's hand, so he did.

On this same note, I was impressed at the grocery store I went to in B.C. Right at the door, where you pick up your cart they had a stand with antibacterial wipes on it. You could use the wipes on the cart, or basket. I thought that was actually a really great idea. Apparently there are some places in Winnipeg that have the same thing - Sobey's, Safeway and a few others. Of course, it happens to be places I don't often shop, but I hope to see this as a new regular initiative of other stores. I don't think it's right to over antibacterialize everything - but a few less sick people is a good thing, in my opinion.

Our Trip in Pictures

James on the plane.
Tommy and I have a chat.
Beautiful, goofy Emily.
What could me more fun than a TUNNEL?!
James and Tommy share a basket. Could be brothers, no?

James loved his cousin Emily!

The view from our condo.

Simon and James trying to share.

A cool pic by Ryan - Thomas at the end of a long, clear box.

The awesome Winnie the Pooh plane.

There were a lot of funny stories from the weekend, but I'll share the funniest one. Ryan and I were back at our condo with James for the night. James was running around playing when Ryan let out a loud, raunchy fart. James looked up from whatever he was doing, and with a smile on his face he said, "BEEP!".

Ain't that the truth...

In B.C.

Hey everyone! I've not gone missing, just left the province. Ryan, James and I together with Ryan's mom surprised his dad on his 70th birthday with a trip out to BC. We are in Qualicum Beach on Vancouver Island, visiting the family out here. It's been great. His dad was completely surprised! James travelled well, but has been having some trouble adjusting to the time change. We are tired, but we are enjoying the warmer weather and all the kids. More to report, and pictures to come when we get home.

Success!

James is FINALLY completely over his Rotavirus infection. It took a couple of days for him to get back into the swing of things, but I now have my little boy back! It's been great. Not only that, but he has been eating incredibly well (although still mostly pureed baby foods). He must be trying to put that weight back on that he lost. Now I find myself overly protective, and not wanting to go out much because kids all over Manitoba seem to be getting sick! I don't want to go through that again!

The first few days after James started to feel better were really hard, because although he was feeling healthier, he was not sleeping well at all. He would get up numerous times in the night - and usually needed at least one early-morning bottle to help him get back to sleep. We assumed he was hungry from the loss of so much of his food. Then he would refuse to nap during the day. It was hard on me, because he has been a good napper since birth, and suddenly he would scream if I tried to put him down! I was at a loss. Then I remembered the words of a dear friend during one of my rough times, "Heather, learn to 'roll with the punches' more". I decided I needed to do that, and so I let James stay up all morning with no nap. After lunch, just before 1pm I decided I would try to put him down. He fell asleep in about five minutes, and slept for two hours! I've done the same thing now for three days, and he's doing great with it! Not only that, but he is also sleeping a little longer in the morning, until almost 7:00am.

Today I had a chance to babysit Isaiah for an hour. Admittedly, I wanted to help out Rebekah, but I was nervous about how I would handle two very active, and very MOBILE little boys! They actually did really great once they realized that they would have to share or the toys would disappear. In the end they were actually playing well together, and I was even able to sit and relax on the floor while James showed Isaiah how to use our stereo.

Makes Me Smile

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I Spoke Too Soon

It's not over yet. Oh man... today was one of the worst days I've had in a long time. Yes, even compared to losing the baby, if that seems possible. When we lost the baby I was mentally prepared. People were praying, and I was strong. Today I just felt like a failure of a mother.

We had a bad night again. James hasn't vomitted since Saturday morning, but he woke up at 3:00am this morning SCREAMING. We tried to calm him down, but it didn't work. I gave him Tylenol, and eventually he fell asleep while I rocked him. I put him into his crib, and he seemed fine... for a few minutes. Then, the screaming began again. This time Ryan went in to him after we let him cry for almost 20 minutes with no quiet. He finally opted to give him a bottle, which settled him temporarily. Ryan even brought him down to the basement, and was willing to let him play if he wanted to - but that was not the answer. We are both beat, all we wanted was to go back to sleep. James did not really get much sleep after 4:30am, and I suppose we didn't really either. Then he decided that even though he was up at that hour, he was not going to nap all day. He was sort of happy, but I could see that he was exhausted. I tried putting him down at 10:00am - and he screamed. This new screaming thing is hard on me. I don't know what to make of it. At 11:30am I gave up, and took him out of his crib. His eyes were bloodshot from crying so much, and he had those horrible crying hiccups. I felt so terrible. I gave him lunch, and then attempted another nap at 1:00pm. Because I was unsure what was causing his distress, I cracked open the Infant Gravol my mom had bought and gave him a dose. He still wailed when I put him down in the crib, but thankfully it was pretty short and he fell asleep. I crawled into bed too - but the nap only lasted an hour. I thought he would be up for good, so I took him out of his room only to find that he fell asleep again on my shoulder. I was scared to put him down and wake him, so I just sat in the rocking chair with him for another 45 minutes. He seemed grumpy and tired all afternoon, as well as clingy and whiney. I was ready to call it quits. Throw in the towel. Go on a vacation for a month. After supper he cheered up, and went down to sleep fairly well.

Now I have that awful nighttime anxiety. Will he wake up again? What should we do if he wakes up? Is he still sick? If he's still sick, do we let him cry it out? Will he be back to normal tomorrow? Is this his newest stage? Will it be like this FOREVER now?!? AHHHH!!! I feel rather unprepared for this, and I am finding it hard to FULLY RELY ON GOD. My fears are overtaking me, and I am worrying all my prayers. I hate it when it gets like this - things feel out of my control (which they are), and I don't know how to grab the reigns. Argh.

I've Got My Kid Back

Whew - what a week! James was sick from Monday until Saturday morning. On Saturday morning he threw up twice after his morning bottle, and I just couldn't stand watching him suffer any longer. We were all up from about 4:30am (after a big throw-up in his crib), so I figured we might as well beat the rush and head to the hospital before 9:00am. What did it matter, we were all awake anyway?! So, we took James in to the hospital. We could have just gone to the walk-in clinic, but I decided that if he was already dehydrated they would send us to a hospital anyway. There was no one there, so we got to see the Doctor almost right away. He checked James out, and thankfully he was not dehydrated. We had no way to gauge how much he had been drinking, because it seemed like anything he drank would just come back up - including water. The Doctor figured he probably had Rotavirus, which can last 7-10 days. Usually, a common stomach flu would only last 3-5 days. He definately has lost some weight - you can see it just by looking at him. But he was not thin to begin with, so he doesn't look bad.

Anyway, by Saturday afternoon he still had no fever, and seemed to be able to hold down his food and drink. The Doctor had told us to let him eat whatever and whenever he wanted - the worst that would happen is that he would just bring it up. We let him eat, and he finally kept it down. It was such a huge relief for me! By evening he was almost back to his old self, but still unusually tired. He went to bed 1/2 hour early. At 4:30am this morning he was awake and SCREAMING! We thought he had vomited, so we went rushing into his room. He just kept pointing at the door, so we let him lead us to his desired location. The fridge. He was hungry! Ryan gave him a bottle of milk, and he went back to sleep until 6:30am. He drank another 6oz. when he woke up, and then ate breakfast. He also ate his lunch, and seemed to be back to his old, happy self again. What a breath of fresh air! He didn't want to nap all morning, and only went down to nap at 1:00pm! That was a first! We decided that we needed to get out of the house after his nap, so we took my parents with us and went to the mall. James had a great time, and behaved wonderfully at the restaurant for supper.

It's amazing what one week with a sick kids, nighttime wake-ups, a million loads of laundry and a lot of vomitting can do to a person! I am totally beat. I am so thankful that he seems well again, and I hope we can start to get healthier as the weather starts to improve.

Something cute that James did today reminded me that he watches us ALL the time. His sippy cups aren't drip proof, and sometimes something will drip out when he's not careful. If there is just a small drip, and nothing around to clean it up with, Ryan or I will often just wipe it up with our foot. Today James saw his cup drip onto the floor, after which he immediately wiped it up with his foot! Hahaha!

This week's potential projects: Cut out the morning nap (seeing as he did it on his own today), take away the morning bottle (could be tough, he literally screams if we don't have one when we enter his room), and attempt the beginning stages of potty training when the potty seats arrive (no rush on this one, but he appears to be interested).

My Fifteen Month-Old

WOW - James is fifteen months old today! I'm sure many of you moms out there with kids older than that will read this and think "I totally remember when (insert child's name here) was fifteen months!". You will be thinking that because it is such a FUN and interesting stage with tonnes of learning. He can walk, run, dance, clap, hide, sing, and talk. It is incredibly fun to sit and watch him learn. You can almost hear those little brain gears churning when he sets his mind to something. Yesterday he was kept busy with books. Sometimes he would sit down with one, and it would look like he was reading it. Other times, he would try to pile them up to make a tower, or stand them up on their sides along the table. It is so very cute to watch! He is also copying us more and more. I'll do something, and then later see him do the same thing and it reminds me how careful I have to be with my actions and speech! He already knows a lot of my dance moves... scary. He is also really starting to talk more too. He will often ask me to "hide... peek" these days. That means I have to hide behind the curtains until he comes to peek at me.

Just yesterday he pointed at the toilet and said "pee". I always make a big fuss if he watches me going to the bathroom, and I'll say "Yay! Mommy went pee on the potty! Mommy is a good girl, she went pee on the potty". I was so excited that he seemed to know that the toilet was for pee. Later in the evening he kept saying "Pee! Pee!". So I said, "Okay James, let's go pee on the potty then". I stripped him down, and sat him on the toilet. He didn't seem to mind, but he didn't go pee. Just as he stepped off the toilet onto the floor he went pee! I laughed so hard, because I was so proud that he knew that he had to pee. Needless to say, I ordered a potty online today from Toys 'R Us. It should be here in a couple of days.

He is also getting to be a big boy in other ways too. He only gets one bottle a day, which is in the morning. He will cry if he does not get a bottle then, even if we try with a sippy cup. Anyway, he now goes to sleep at night with no bottle and no rocking. I'm very proud of him, because he actually did it with very little crying on the first night we tried it! He is still eating mostly pureed baby foods though. If anyone has ever had a child who didn't seem interested in moving on to table foods - please let me know! He loves playing with Mega Blocks, balls, and his Playskool basketball net. Of course, he would happily trade in all those toys if we would just chase him nonstop all day.

James is such a joy - really, we just can't get enough of him. Ryan and I have spent countless hours just watching him, and we keep saying it over-and-over again, "He is the best thing EVER!". Recently someone asked me how many children we would like to have. This was a question that came during a discussion about the miscarriage. I had to honestly say to her that right now, all I can think about is how blessed I am to have JAMES. If God blesses us with more children, I will be grateful - but for now I just want to count the one big blessing that I already have, my little boy. I don't want to forget the miracle that he is, and I don't want to focus too much on what we don't have. For now I am just hugging him extra tight, and loving every second that I get to spend with him.

Sick Kid Update

James is still not feeling too good. He only had one puke yesterday though, which happened at noon when I tried giving him baby cereal again. The rest of the day he drank little sips of pedialyte, and ate a little bit of a rice cracker. He only seems to want to drink if we give it to him in a syringe. I think he likes that because it seems fun. Anyway, he napped frequently through the day - and I think I watched more TV yesterday than I have for the last year! He seemed happy to just rest on me while we sat on the couch. In a way, it's sort of nice, and kind of cute - but I would take my busy, happy, healthy, energetic kid ANY DAY. His fever fluctuates, and can be anywhere from normal (36.5) to 38.5 at it's highest. I've been giving him Tylenol and Motrin, and that helps a lot.

He slept pretty well last night, and didn't vomit at all. He went down to bed at 7:30pm, had a brief wake-up at 9:00pm and then slept until almost 5:00am. I think by 5:00am he was just really thirsty, and he drank a fair bit of the pedialyte. He had more cereal this morning, and so far no vomit. He is still a little feverish, but otherwise seems to be improving. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. You could also pray for Trevor, Rebekah and Isaiah. Isaiah has also been sick with the same thing, but now so are Trevor and Rebekah! So far Ryan and I remain mostly healthy.

I blame the weather for all this sickness. We haven't really been outside at all this winter. James doesn't like the cold, and it makes his eyes water really badly. Ryan told me this morning that we have had 18 days this winter with a temprature below -30. The average is 6! We are just in desperate need of fresh air. I cannot wait for Spring/Summer, and going back to being outside all day.

Sick, Again

THIS POST CONTAINS GRAPHIC CONTENT ABOUT VOMIT!

So... this past week I went back to James' old napping schedule - long nap in the morning, short nap in the afternoon - and guess what?! He started sleeping until 6:00-6:30 again! Yay! I'm just going to keep things like this now, and slowly move his morning nap later in the day - with a goal of one nap a day, from about 1:00pm-3:00pm. I'm in no rush with this though, because he seems to do well on his current schedule.

Thank goodness yesterday was a holiday, because it turned out to be a rotten day for James. He got his morning bottle when he woke up, and then proceeded to throw up the entire thing - plus extra, according to my husband. Thinking he just had a bought of sour tummy, I gave him his breakfast as per usual - only to have him throw all of that up (on the last bite of course), filling up his entire highchair tray. We cut him off entirely from food, and just tried giving him water. That seemed to keep him happy until lunch time, and he had no fever and was happy and energetic. He ate lunch happily, and just when I thought he might be over the worst of it, up came ALL of his lunch, and more. He appeared to want to keep eating though, so I let him have just his pears and water. He ate it all, and it stayed down. We decided we would still go out for lunch with Ryan's parents - as James appeared to be happy and doing alright at that time. En route to the restaurant he vomitted up all the pears. It is terribly gross no matter what, but a vomit in the car is really bad. It was all over his snowsuit, the carseat, the diaper bag - and us with no rags. We tried to clean up the best we could with Kleenex and wipes. Ew. We went for lunch anyway, and he did fine. Someone gave him a french fry though, and he had a little vomit from that. We made it home (as his tummy was now empty I'm sure), and got him down for a nap. After his nap things went downhill. He had a fever, and he threw up everything we gave him - even just sips of water. He was completely lethargic all afternoon, and we started to worry about dehydration. My parents were in the city, so we had them pick up some pedialyte for us. The afternoon proved to be a challenge, with several loads of laundry and many changes of clothing and such. It is heartbreaking to see your child sick like that. After supper he seemed to improve, and drank some of the pedialyte. We put him down to sleep at 9:00pm, only to rush into his room 15 minutes later because he had puked again. He was still sleeping, so we didn't disturb him - and simply removed the blanket with the small spot of vomit on it. We had layered his bed with blankets for that very reason. About an hour later he was screaming, and we went back into his room to find him and his bed soaked with vomit. All he had in his tummy was the little bit of pedialyte. Poor guy! We cleaned it all up, and he happily fell back into his crib to sleep. The night was rough. He was up every hour, and though we didn't have to go in to him each time I knew he wasn't getting much sleep, and neither were we. At about 4:30am he started crying, so Ryan went in with him. He gave him sips of pedialyte every few minutes, right until 7:00am. This morning James seems a little better, but still has a little bit of fever. He has kept down quite a bit of pedialyte, rice cookies and cereal. He is still unhappy though, and I have a concern that it may be his ears again. Anyway, hopefully the worst is over and he'll continue to improve through the day.

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Maybe It's My Fault!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I hope that today you get some extra love lavished on you - either from a loved one, a friend, or God Himself.

I've been complaining once again about James and his sleep habits. He has been sleeping through the night now very nicely, but lately he has started to wake up for the day at 5:00am! Sometimes he is up before that, but most of the time it is around 5-5:30am. This is just UNACCEPTABLE, and far too early. I've been trying to think of way to work around it - be it with his nap schedule, or bedtime. However, it just hit me like a tonne of bricks today - I think it's MY fault! A week ago or so I switched his naps from a long (1 1/2 hour) morning nap, and a short afternoon nap (1/2 hour), to be the opposite - a short morning nap, and long afternoon nap. I thought I was doing myself a favour - and making this change might help take away that morning nap completely. I also thought it might help him sleep longer in the morning, which at that time was a 6:00-6:30am wake up. Since I've made that nap time switcheroo he has been waking up earlier and earlier. SO, it's back to the OLD naptime routine - long morning nap, short afternoon nap. If he starts to sleep until 6:00-6:30 again, we will be happy! I guess I've just been fiddling around with his schedule so much lately - thinking it needs to change - I've lost sight of the fact that maybe it was really working just fine the way it was! Who says he has to be only having ONE nap??? Argh. Sometimes being a mom is so confusing.

Moved

This weekend we had church at our local arena for a winter picnic. It was a great service, my favourite kind - one with lots of praise and worship songs, a skit by a Bible College troup, a short kid's story and then sharing time. I don't claim to be a person that has ever really felt the Holy Spirit moving me... but apparently He's working on me, and this weekend it happened very obviously. The mic was open for sharing, and before I knew it, my legs were making me stand, and my feet were walking me to the front of the crowd. I felt totally outside my own body. I had not intended on sharing - we had missed the previous Sunday after the miscarriage because I hadn't wanted to do the full explanation of it over and over again. I didn't even know what I was going to say... what I was SUPPOSED to say. I just said in my head, "Okay God, I hope You have something that You want to say - because I DON'T". Standing in front of the mic is not something I usually find very frightening. In fact, I actually enjoy public speaking. On Sunday, my hands were sweating and shaking. I probably looked a bit pale, because I was very literally scared. What on earth was I supposed to be sharing with these people?! Before I could think about it, my mouth began to move, and I heard my voice coming up with words, sentences - possibly even things that made sense. I shared about our miscarriage, and the vision that God gave me of our children on Jesus' lap. I told them that I have been asking God to give me Spiritual strength and wisdom, and that I hoped that I could use it to bless the church. It was emotional for me, and I cried. Pastor John came up, and asked Ryan and James to join us as he prayed for us. When I sat down, I could barely remember what I had said - truly, the Holy Spirit had spoken through me. It was amazing. Only then, I remembered that I had seen others in the crowd wiping tears. Later, people came to talk to me and ask me questions, and I was able to share more - and something I never believed could happen to me - I truly believed that I HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL I could share. I always thought my testimony was weak and meaningless. I believe now that God is using me, preparing me, molding me... and it's for something GREAT. I don't know what it is yet, but I can't WAIT to see!

The Best Potty for Boys?

James has a fairly noticeable "poop face", so I thought I might soon start putting him on the potty when I see him doing it. The only trouble is that I usually notice him doing it most often when we are playing in the basement, and there is no bathroom down there. I think I will get a little potty to use for this reason. Does anyone have any suggestions on which potty works best for boys? I've heard a lot of good reports about the Baby Bjorn potty chair, however it is a little pricey I think. Any other toilet training tips for boys are also welcome. I'm in no rush with it - just thought that since I can tell when he is going I might as well put him on the potty!

Pampered!

It has been a rough week, needless to say. I think I mentioned that last week Friday we took James to see the pediatrician because he had an ear infection. I then discovered at least two to three new molars coming through his gums, and possibly more! All this has made James a very clingy, unhappy little boy. Then, on Monday night while playing in the basement, he started to cry very hard - and just flopped down on the floor and wouldn't walk. He would try to get up, but just flop down and cry. He eventually started to walk a little more, but he would limp, and then his legs would buckle, and he would fall down again. It was heart-wrenching to watch, but we couldn't see anything that would indicate an injury, or splinter or anything. On Tuesday morning he was walking a little bit more, but we were worried so we decided to take him in again. The wait was especially long, and James was NOT happy to wait. Plus, we couldn't let him just run around because he kept limping and falling! Finally we got in to see the Dr., and she also couldn't see anything serious. She told us to keep an eye on it, and let him walk as much as he wanted to. Today he seems much better, but still has moments where he has a slight limp. I think he might have just stepped on a toy, and bruised the bottom of his foot.

So, what does any of this have to do with being pampered? Well, my mother-in-law knows me pretty well. She knows that I need to take it easy and relax, but that I find it very hard to ignore household chores. I've actually been ignoring them pretty well, but she decided to bless me in a very special way - she hired her cleaning lady to come to my place once a week for a month! She came today for the first time, and I have to say it is amazing how great it feels to come into your house and it is entirely cleaned! I am SO pumped, and feel so very blessed to have one less thing to think about for a few weeks. I just hope I don't get too used to it.

Smartie Pants

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing - Photo Books

Why do babies go away (or never come at all)?

Of course, once again this question is heavy on my heart and mind. Today was a tougher day than the last few. James has an ear infection, and although he started antibiotics last night he has not been very happy. All day today he has whined and cried, and it is grating the wrong way on my weakening nerves. I want to make him better, and I don't want him to have pain, but his constant need for me is disheartening at time. Maybe you wonder how I can say that after I just lost a baby, but if you are a mom I think you understand. Sometimes a mom just needs space - and right now I really need space to think, and grieve. Grieving is so important when you lose someone. If you don't grieve, the empty place in your heart just starts to grow into a cold space. When you grieve, it gives that place warmth and fills it up with love.

So, why do babies go away or never come at all? To me it seems like there has been a huge influx in the number of women who are losing babies, or can't have them. I've been asking God about this, and I came up with something today - however, I have no Biblical backup for these thoughts or ideas. I kind of wonder if God is sparing these little lives from the up-coming tribulation. I can't say that this is for sure, but maybe He is letting a few of the stronger ones stay - ones that might be able to lead - and the ones that are more sensitive, He is just taking them Home. It's just a theory, and I kind of like it.

I also think that Satan is attacking harder than ever. Those that are growing in Christ (ALL of us), and learning new things can expect to be attacked by the enemy. I don't know why God allows it to happen, but He can see the big picture, and I trust that He allows it when it will be for the greater benefit of His Kingdom. When we were driving to the hospital on Wednesday morning I had a picture in my head of myself, standing on a rock (my faith). Satan was hurling darts at me, and I was in serious pain - but I would not fall off that rock. I wouldn't allow it. I would NEVER allow it, no matter how much it hurt - I WOULD stay standing on the Rock. That's when that little blurb came into my head, combining two lines of two songs:

"Tho' Satan's darts at me are hurled", and I'm wincing in pain,
"I will not be shaken, I will not be moved".

I keep leaning on the promise that Christ will be my Rock, my Support, my Comfort, my Shelter, and my Saviour. I keep reminding myself to let him carry my burdens, as I was not meant to carry them myself. I'm trying so desperately to be strong, and to be as a candle in the darkness through all of this. I can say though that today I'm feeling a little weaker, and the tears have fallen a little quicker. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Update: This evening things just continued to go downhill with my mood and my emotions. After a miscarriage, a woman goes through the same type of baby blues as when having a baby. I think this is what my body is going through right now. I completely broke down this evening, and in my head I just said "Lord, I need someone who cares to call me". Not more than two minutes later the phone rang. I didn't answer it, but Ryan's voice came down the stairs, "It's for you". I asked who it was, and his reply, "Rebekah". God is amazing! Not only did she call, but she came over right away (thank goodness she lives next door). She talked and prayed with me, and then helped me wash the dishes. I feel so much better. I don't know what I'm going to do without her around this summer! I love you Rebekah.

When It Rains, It Pours

Since getting home from the hospital on Wednesday night, James has been a bear. He is usually extremely happy and fun, but since Wednesday he has been clingy, whiny, and just plain miserable. Not great timing. He also had a fever, so today we took him to the Dr. as I was fairly certain he had an ear infection again. Sure enough, he does have an ear infection - so now he's on medication for that, and hopefully will be back to his old self soon!

I've been feeling quite good, mentally, physically and spiritually. This miscarriage has been so different than the first one, and for so many different reasons. It's different because we have JAMES! We have a beautiful son, and we know that there is hope and that we know we can have children. It is also different because my FAITH is so much STRONGER. I have been learning in the last year to FULLY RELY ON GOD, and it is helping. Also, it is different because with our first we didn't know if we would ever have our own children. Now that we have James, we aren't having the same kind of devastating feelings like we had with losing our first. Your prayers are keeping us afloat, and I am so thankful for all of you and your support. We truly can FEEL it.

Last night God put the word "refuge" into my head. So, I went to Bible Gateway and typed in "take refuge" in the search section. I found II Samuel 22, and I will share a few verses with you.

“The Lord is my ROCK, my fortress, and my savior;

my God is my ROCK, in whom I find protection.

He is my shield, the power that SAVES me,

and my place of safety. He is my REFUGE, my savior,

the one who saves me from violence.

I called on the Lord, who is worthy of praise,

and he saved me from my enemies.

“The waves of death overwhelmed me;

floods of destruction swept over me.

The grave wrapped its ropes around me;

death laid a trap in my path.

But in my distress I cried out to the Lord;

yes, I cried to my God for help.

He heard me from his sanctuary;

my cry reached his ears.”

As Today Goes On

Today has been a pretty good day, considering the circumstances. I keep thinking of a prayer that I posted when we lost our first baby, and I think it is still so appropriate. I put on Casting Crowns this morning, and while listening to the words of "Lifesong" God blessed me with a vision of my two lost babies on Jesus lap - all three were laughing together, Jesus, a little boy and a little girl. It was a beautiful vision, and I just feel really good knowing that my two little precious babies have each other while they wait for us.

Sorry, Sad News

Hey everyone. I am not going to go into a lot of detail right now, but just simply ask for your prayers and support as Ryan and I lost our baby. We went into the hospital yesterday morning, and it was confirmed by ultrasound that our baby hadn't made it. They immediately booked us in for a same-day D & C, and we got home last night around 10:00pm. I have a lot to say about all this (of course), but for now I just ask for your prayers for quick healing.

"Tho' Satan's darts at me are hurled", and I'm wincing in pain,

"I will not be shaken, I will not be moved".

The Gift of Giving

I believe that I have been blessed with the gift of gift-giving! I love to give gifts, and it gives me a lot of joy to shower people with blessings. I like coming up with ideas of what to get for people, and I love to shop for these things until I find the perfect thing. Recently, I decided that I needed to keep my gift-giving under control, so I made a decision to only give one gift a week and keep to a certain price range. It has been helpful to me to do this, and I enjoy spending time each week praying about and preparing my next weekly gift.

Receiving gifts is also one of my love languages, and therefore, I tend to use gifts as a way to show love as well. Unfortunately, I don't think that receiving gifts is a great love language to have because it can be very unfulfilling. Particularly if your husband, family or close friends aren't necessarily gift-givers! It's not their fault at all, and yet to a person with this love language it is easy to feel unloved and neglected.

However, this week I have felt overwhelmed with love. It's not only because I received some gifts - I also got some really neat emails and phone calls. It was special to get some unexpected gifts though. Pictured below are some of the blessings that I received this week - as well as a waffle breakfast, a free lunch and some banana chocolate chip muffins too! Thanks to my friends and family who blessed me in this way this week, and thanks to God for knowing my need to be blessed.

Lifesong

Empty hands held high

Such small sacrifice

If not joined with my life

I sing in vain tonight

May the words I say

And the things I do

Make my lifesong sing

Bring a smile to You

Let my lifesong sing to You

Let my lifesong sing to You

I want to sign Your name to the end of this day

Knowing that my heart was true

Let my lifesong sing to You

Lord I give my life

A living sacrifice

To reach a world in need

To be Your hands and feet

So may the words I say

And the things I do

Make my lifesong sing

Bring a smile to You

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Let my lifesong sing to You

Planning

I am already really starting to think about what life with two under two is going to be like, and how I want to make it as easy (and happy) as possible. As I've already mentioned, James will be making a move to the second floor. I am excited about decorating his room, and making him a secret hideout in one of the crawl spaces. I am actually excited about moving the office into the basement too, as I would be able to use the computer while watching TV, or work while James watched a movie (just dreaming that it could really happen). There are also a couple of other changes that we will be making that will improve life with two immensely. The biggest change - a new van! We've been van shopping for a while, and have finally decided on a 2008 Dodge Caravan. We haven't ordered it yet, but soon and very soon I shall be able to transfer my children with ease - and MUCH less strain on my back! Woohoo! The other great option with the van is that we will likely be hauling a bigger stroller! I really like the new Graco Quattro Tour Duo, and will ask for money for my birthday in June to get it. I love that I can use my Graco SnugRide carseat in it! So that is some of our plans thus far, if you have any great advice about making life easier with two under two - let me know! I'm all for suggestions and things to try!

Alone on the Stairs

I grew up in a small town that has a population with the majority being Christian. Looking back, I sometimes feel as though it was sometimes assumed that you would just naturally become a Christian at a young age. Some of the "basics" of Christianity were sort of hurried over, because we should have just known that. This was not the fault of any one person or organization or anything. It's just that for me the transition of child-like faith to the development of my own faith was hard. It's difficult for me to explain, but I was one of those that needed extra help in this area, but I didn't know it. I sort of felt ashamed that I didn't feel as Christ-like as others, and I never felt good enough. I really just wanted to know how to feel like I was "good enough". How did people get to that place with God? I felt like I was alone on a stairway that would eventually lead me to "that place" where I would finally be "good enough" for God. I was so alone there, and I was often travelling half a step forward, and three steps back.

It wasn't until years later, after I was married, when I went to my mother-in-laws church that my eyes were opened. The pastor began to speak right to me! He said "Do any of you feel like you are on a neverending stairway, trying to reach the top where God is, but never getting any closer? Do you feel you will never be good enough for God, or to enter the Kingdom of Heaven?" Then he said, "These are lies that Satan is telling you. He wants you to believe you are alone on those stairs. He wants you to think you will never be good enough". At this point I was almost in tears, because all my life - up until that point - I had been walking that stairway alone, and never feeling like I was a person God would want. The pastor continued, "Stop believing Satan's lies! He is a deceiver, and a liar! Only God is the truth. He says to us 'Seek and you will find me, knock and the door will be opened'. You are never alone on those stairs. God is with each of us, standing next to us - holding our hand, and helping us up to the next step. You were good enough for God when you accepted Him into your heart and took that first step. There are no goals to reach, or levels of Christianity to get to. You are good enough NOW. He is with you NOW." My life changed at that moment. All those years of believing that I had to get to a certain place to be good enough for God melted away. I was good enough. I wasn't alone. God wanted me to become stronger in my faith, and He would be there to help me get there - and if I failed, He would still be there! Honestly, this was all new to me - and I was rejoicing, finally, in the truth!

From that moment on my life was different. It wasn't long after that a friend and I began a woman's Bible study group - and it has been strong and growing ever since. I feel like a new person, and every day I am learning something new about my faith and what I can do with it. I am writing this today for anyone that may think they are alone on those stairs. You are not alone. Satan wants you to believe that you are alone - don't let him lie to you! I want to encourage you that you are good enough for God today, right now, even in your sin and imperfection. You are good enough. God wants you to grow, and He's there to help - but you don't have to do it on your own.

Think of a child and his father. What father would make their child walk through darkness to get to him? No loving father would do that. He would hold his child's hand, and walk with him. How much more love does our Heavenly Father have for us than any earthly father? He will not make us walk the path alone. He is there - holding our hand. This doesn't mean we won't fall, and it doesn't mean that we won't get hurt. A good father will allow his children to learn from some mistakes, and thus they grow and learn. So it is with God. He doesn't want bad things to happen to us, but He will allow it if He knows that it will make us grow.

But even there, if you seek God, your God, you'll be able to find him if you're serious, looking for him with your whole heart and soul. When troubles come and all these awful things happen to you, in future days you will come back to God, your God, and listen obediently to what he says. God, your God, is above all a compassionate God. In the end he will not abandon you, he won't bring you to ruin, he won't forget the covenant with your ancestors which he swore to them.

~ Deuteronomy 4:29-31 ~

U R What U Eat

If it's true that "you are what you eat", subsequently causing my unborn baby to be at risk of becoming what I've been eating, he or she is going to look a lot like sour soothers, cinnamon hearts, cool ranch Doritos and pudding! My pregnancy eating habits are SO bad. My biggest aversions are to anything healthy, and all my cravings are for anything unhealthy! Seriously, the minute I become pregnant I instantly find myself picking out the worst cereals (Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and Sugar Crisp to name a few). I also find myself filling the shopping cart with candy, chocolate bars, hot chocolate mixes, GUSHERS (yes, I bought myself Gushers). What is going on with me? I want to eat healthy, and keep my body healthy for the baby - but all my taste buds are screaming for junk. I have tried forcing myself to eat better things, to drink water, to eat toast... but by mid-afternoon I'm on a sugar low, and I completely indulge, making excuses to myself that I deserve the treats because I went all morning without. Help!

Could It Get Any Better Than This?

I had to ask myself if life could really get any better than this. I loved my entire day today - with the exception of one little part, which I'll explain later.

God has been moving mountains in my life lately, and I just can't praise Him enough for it. A few months ago things were pretty rocky in various areas of my life, and I didn't know how things were going to turn out. As usual, I had to make a very conscious effort to hand my troubles over to God. Without any argument, He took my troubles, and opened my eyes to a possible solution. When I obeyed His word, and did as He told me, He blessed me by making the solution a cure. I was in awe.

Not only that, but He blessed me with a friend to help me make more changes in my life than I ever thought was possible. The day that I had a D & C after our miscarriage I was introduced to Rebekah. I don't remember how it came to be that our friendship blossomed, but God knew that I needed her in my life. Rebekah has taught me so many things in the last two years, I just have to thank God that she came when she did. I'm a totally different person, and my faith has grown beyond measure with her discipleship. When I already felt totally blessed to know her, God decided to take it a step further and move her and her family NEXT DOOR! He truly is a God who wishes to lavish love on us! It has been amazing to have my best friend live next door. It breaks my heart that she and her family will be leaving on missions this year - but I am so proud of her, and know that she can change other people's lives the way she has changed mine. I'm going to miss her. However, she has planted seeds in my life that have taken root and are producing fruit. Some of these things are that I finally feel I know what my gifts are, and how I can use them. I also am learning how to hear God's voice - and OBEY it. Sometimes that means doing things that I think seem kind of weird, or that I don't want to do. In every case that I have just listened to God, I have been blessed 10-fold. I'd love to tell you all of these stories, but it would take days.

But how does all this contribute to my day? It just feels like I am walking on air these days. I am happier than I ever have been. Often trips to the city mean that somewhere along the line I'll get into an argument with my husband. Today we didn't even really come close, and I felt like we worked together like a true couple that loves each other. James was awesome all day, and never ceases to capture the eyes of strangers who come to tell us what a great little boy we have. We just glow with pride - he truly is great!

We went to the city today right after lunch. Ryan did a few returns and exchanges, and then we headed to the mall to get our passport photos taken. I wish I could post them - they are SO hilarious! We all look like criminals! After photos, we had to go pick out new Robeez for James. I would usually tend to do this on my own, because I like to get the ones that I like. I decided to let Ryan choose this time though - and he chose the ones I wanted! So cool! We then visited some friends for a little while, and then went to Grapes for supper. Supper was good, and James was quite well-behaved. The only trouble was that James had a major poopy diaper while we were there. I went to the bathroom to change him, and like usual, put him on the change table and the diaper bag on the floor. After getting him all changed, I picked up the diaper bag and it was soaking wet. Gross. Then I noticed that it was soaked because one of the toilets was flooding the bathroom. GROSS! I don't even know what to do about the diaper bag now - if I didn't love it so much, I'd just throw it away and get a new one. Ew.

Anyway, I just had a fabulous day and wanted to share some of the joys in my life right now. Of course, needless to mention is the new little life growing inside me right now. Some of my anxiety has gone away, and I'm feeling much better - just one more reason to give glory to God! Be blessed friends!

GQ James

Just had to post this pic of James looking all "GQ" in his sweater.

Pregnancy Paranoia

I'm having a really hard time not being paranoid with this pregnancy - which is not indifferent to my two previous pregnancies! I don't know why, but since the beginning something in the back of my mind wants me to believe that something is going wrong. I have fought feelings like this most of my life, as I come from a family of worriers. I never wanted to be one, but it seems like I've genetically been cursed with the worry wart syndrome. I haven't been able to rest properly, and every single time I go to the bathroom I'm checking to make sure there are no signs of trouble. I did have some issues a couple of weeks ago, so my Dr. gave me a WinRho shot - but she says that there isn't anything showing up that would indicate that I need an ultrasound. I'm trying to trust that - and I know these fears are from Satan. He's just really attacking me right now, and I'm finding it too tiring to fight him off. I just want to hear that baby's heartbeat, that's all I want.

In the meantime, my grandma is getting married in May and has asked my cousin and I to be her bridesmaids (her two granddaughters). I am quite excited about it - except that I'll be 6 months pregnant and need to find a dress! I looked online for some maternity bridesmaid dress ideas. The ones I'll post below all look much the same, but I think they may have possibilities. I don't know what colour we are going with yet. My favourite is the pink one on the right. Hopefully we're not wearing pink though - I look awful in pink!

Picture Post

Fun with forks.
Bedhead boys.
Blue-eyed brusher.
Nine weeks and counting.

A New Room for James

I've already been thinking about how I want to decorate James' new room. I am hoping we will have him moved into his new room, and settled in by June - two months before the new baby arrives, and "steals" his old bedroom.

The room we are going to move him into is on the second floor, and is currently our office. We are going to move the office stuff into our basement. It's a really cute room, with bright windows, a dormer, a closet, and two crawl spaces. Right now it is painted a billiard table-green, which I think I'll keep. I want to do an animals theme (see photo of bedding below). I'm not sure if I'll order the border that goes with the set - it would be cute, but I am VERY anti-wallpaper.

It isn't ideal that he will be on the second floor, however Ryan has some snoring issues and actually sleeps up there more often than not. We'd also keep the gate on the stairs for the night, so I wouldn't be worried that he would try to come down in the dark. It's good because if Ryan is up there, he can look after James and I can look after baby downstairs. There is also a bathroom on the second floor, so when James starts toilet training he won't have far to go to the bathroom!

There are also two crawl spaces in that room. I think it would be super cute to finish out one of them, with paint, carpet and a light so James would have a secret hideout in his room!

Here are some pics of the (messy) room, and the bedding I want.

New Year Complaints

Well, we didn't exactly ring in the New Year with style this year. New Years Eve started off with a trip to the city with my mom to take James to the pediatrician. I had basically figured out what he had, but when your little son is barking like a dog/seal it causes concern that can really only be put to rest by a Doctor.

I love the pediatrician that we see at the walk-in. She is one of those people that make the world a better place by reassuring mothers that they are doing the best job that they can. Then she gives you a straight forward answer to your child's problem with no "maybe" or "it might be", and then the kicker - she always offers a solution, remedies and ideas to help make it better. I just love her.

So, after a fairly survivable wait at the walk-in we got in to see her and she affirmed my initial thoughts that he has croup. It is a virus, and so that means we can't give him anything for it and it has to run it's course. I don't know if you have ever heard a child with croup - but it sounds TERRIBLE! It basically sounds like he could cough up a lung at any given moment, or completely stop breathing. Cold air is good for it, so now is the one time when it doesn't completely suck to have a sick kid in the middle of winter. Okay, it still sucks, but at least the cold air helps this particular problem. Thank the dear Lord, James somehow seems to still be able to sleep through the night despite the seal-like coughing. This is a complete God-send, because these days I cannot function without some sleep. Cough medications are not recommended for croup either, so we are just putting our faith in a cool mist vaporiser, Vicks Vapo Rub and prayer.

All that being said, James being sick and my being pregnant (in my first trimester) is not a great combo. He requires extra attention and patience, and I am lacking both of these. He also wants to be in my arms at all times, and this is not very comfortable anymore. I am semi-nauseous all day, crampy, grouchy, emotional, my back hurts and of course there are few other aches and pains not worth mentioning. It hasn't been fun for the two of us in this little predicament together. Poor Ryan is stuck at home this week with the two of us, and although it's basically been the only reason why we've survived, I'm quite sure he is looking forward to going back to work next week. Oh boy, I'm NOT looking forward to that at all.

James is getting his MMR shot tomorrow morning. Apparently it's fine, even if he has croup. As long as there is no fever, he is getting the vaccination. I know that many people have been discussing the pros and cons of vaccinating. Well, here is one reason why I am having James vaccinated...

Child with polio.

However, all this complaining still leaves me with a huge smile on my face. My son will be happy and healthy again, and I love him more than anything I have ever loved before. My hubby still seems to love me despite my frustration and tears. And, in about 7-8 months, we will have another perfectly lovely addition to our family - for whom I would have done all of this over again a million times. "God is so good - He's so good to me."