Why do babies go away (or never come at all)?

Of course, once again this question is heavy on my heart and mind. Today was a tougher day than the last few. James has an ear infection, and although he started antibiotics last night he has not been very happy. All day today he has whined and cried, and it is grating the wrong way on my weakening nerves. I want to make him better, and I don't want him to have pain, but his constant need for me is disheartening at time. Maybe you wonder how I can say that after I just lost a baby, but if you are a mom I think you understand. Sometimes a mom just needs space - and right now I really need space to think, and grieve. Grieving is so important when you lose someone. If you don't grieve, the empty place in your heart just starts to grow into a cold space. When you grieve, it gives that place warmth and fills it up with love.

So, why do babies go away or never come at all? To me it seems like there has been a huge influx in the number of women who are losing babies, or can't have them. I've been asking God about this, and I came up with something today - however, I have no Biblical backup for these thoughts or ideas. I kind of wonder if God is sparing these little lives from the up-coming tribulation. I can't say that this is for sure, but maybe He is letting a few of the stronger ones stay - ones that might be able to lead - and the ones that are more sensitive, He is just taking them Home. It's just a theory, and I kind of like it.

I also think that Satan is attacking harder than ever. Those that are growing in Christ (ALL of us), and learning new things can expect to be attacked by the enemy. I don't know why God allows it to happen, but He can see the big picture, and I trust that He allows it when it will be for the greater benefit of His Kingdom. When we were driving to the hospital on Wednesday morning I had a picture in my head of myself, standing on a rock (my faith). Satan was hurling darts at me, and I was in serious pain - but I would not fall off that rock. I wouldn't allow it. I would NEVER allow it, no matter how much it hurt - I WOULD stay standing on the Rock. That's when that little blurb came into my head, combining two lines of two songs:

"Tho' Satan's darts at me are hurled", and I'm wincing in pain,
"I will not be shaken, I will not be moved".

I keep leaning on the promise that Christ will be my Rock, my Support, my Comfort, my Shelter, and my Saviour. I keep reminding myself to let him carry my burdens, as I was not meant to carry them myself. I'm trying so desperately to be strong, and to be as a candle in the darkness through all of this. I can say though that today I'm feeling a little weaker, and the tears have fallen a little quicker. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Update: This evening things just continued to go downhill with my mood and my emotions. After a miscarriage, a woman goes through the same type of baby blues as when having a baby. I think this is what my body is going through right now. I completely broke down this evening, and in my head I just said "Lord, I need someone who cares to call me". Not more than two minutes later the phone rang. I didn't answer it, but Ryan's voice came down the stairs, "It's for you". I asked who it was, and his reply, "Rebekah". God is amazing! Not only did she call, but she came over right away (thank goodness she lives next door). She talked and prayed with me, and then helped me wash the dishes. I feel so much better. I don't know what I'm going to do without her around this summer! I love you Rebekah.