James has this uncanny ability to sense change - and then make the change before I get a chance to implement it! After a few more nights of sleep-deprivation, and sheer exhaustion I just couldn't do it anymore. I realized that I was going to have to push past the blurry veil of information that I had in front of me, and just formulate my own plan of action. First, I had to rationalize the situation. James was not waking up because of hunger (he has gone at least 8 hours without eating in the past). He was likely not waking up because he was itchy (I lube him up every night with enough lotion to moisturize the Sahara). I took every possible idea that came to mind, and decided whether it needed to be dealt with. I also decided that he doesn't have thrush, but rather has been frustrated by the slow let-down (sometimes non-existant let-down), hence his terrible eating as of late. Well, what did I want to do about it? I decided I would start pumping, and give him a combo of breastmilk and formula in the bottle, as he seems to be taking the bottle just fine. Secondly, I decided I would play soft music in his room so that it wasn't completely quiet anymore. Thirdly, I decided that I needed to try and introduce a more rigid "schedule". I have never been one for putting such a young baby on a specific schedule, or forcing them to go certain amounts of time without eating. However, when it comes to the nighttime, I need to get rest - so it was time to teach James that he needs to sleep at night. My game plan was as follows:1. Put James down to bed around 9:30pm after a bottle feeding, with music playing.
2. If he would wake up before 2:30 -3:00am, I would give him a sip to drink and then put his soother back in - but NOT take him out of the crib if possible.
3. 2:30-3:00am he would get another bottle.
4. If he would then wake up before 6:30-7:00am, I would give him another sip and the soother.
So, that was my big plan. I wasn't looking forward to putting it into action, thinking that James would just end up crying until he got fed. The evening came, and we gave him a bottle and he gobbled it up, and went to sleep. At 1:30am he woke up, so I just went in, gave him a little sip and put his soother back in. He drifted right back to sleep! He woke again at around 2:45am, so he got a bottle and went right back to sleep. He then woke up again around 5:00am, so again I just gave him a little sip and the soother. Once again, he drifted right back to sleep until 7:00am. By 7:00am I was pretty engorged, so I offered him the breast and he took it no problem. We've had two successful nights this way so far, and I'm hoping for more! This is MUCH more manageable than trying to nurse him every hour! I am also loving him on the bottle too. I feel so free, and yesterday I spent the day at the mall with my girlfriend and never once felt any anxiety! Not to mention that after shopping all day, I called my hubby and we all went out for a spur-of-the-moment supper. Something we have not done for a long time. I'm much happier, and I love it that I can see how much James is drinking (right now about 4 ounces per feeding, but I'm going to try 6 ounces tonight). I'm also pretty much over my guilt about giving him some formula. He seems to be handling it fine, and has been having poops every-other-day. As far as his eczema goes, it seems to be under control now. I haven't been eating chocolate as per one person's suggestion, and easing up (but not giving up entirely) on the dairy. As well, I have been using the dye free/fragrance free detergent, and bathing him in colloidal oatmeal baths. I saw my Dr. today and she seemed to think that what I was doing was fine. Basically, when it comes to parenting you just have to do what works for you. I don't know why it took so long for me to learn that. So, to say the least, I think things are looking up.
On a whole different topic though, I think it's a little bit sad that although "breast is best" there is often very little to encourage women who choose formula over the breast. I also think that the pressure and guilt put on women to exclusively breastfeed is sort of sad too. I have a few friends with babies who are also feeling like they would like the freedom of using formula every now and then, but they can't do it because they feel guilty. I think it is great to encourage breastfeeding for as long as possible - but I also think it's important that women still feel that they are good moms, even if they have to use formula. I don't think it is a cop-out. I, for one, needed to supplement just for my own sanity. I believe there is something to be said for that as well. So here's to all those moms out there who had to go to formula, or chose to use formula, or who are using it to supplement. You are doing a GREAT job, no matter how you choose to feed your baby. I hope you never question yourself or your decision - because it is a tough one to make.
16 comments :
Glad things are looking up for you Heather. I am not a mom but I totally agree with you about formula and nursing, it is what works best for you as a mom, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And your little James, WOW is he a cutie!
Amen! Preach it sister!
You are doing amazing!!!! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! There is such a refreshing freedom that comes when we release ourselves from the constant judgments and criticisms of other mothers, books and newest fads. May you rest in that refreshing freedom!!!
I know what you mean, it is so unfortunate that there is no help or support for those who choose formula, and yes, we end up feeling inadequate. I hope that us moms can pull together and remember that we're on the same team! and break down the walls that the enemy has built up, and all the joy that he's stolen from us.
You are doing such an incredible job Heather! You have taken the reigns and are going full force, with the power of God behind you! Good on you!! and good on you for sticking with the breast this long, and it doesn't matter what you decide to do beyond this, You are an amazing mother! James is super lucky. This new revelation is going to speak encouragementto many mothers even without you knowing :)
(by the way, the schedule you're teaching James is not only helping your sleep, it's helping him learn to listen to you! Which you will see is vital staple in parenting) : )
Hey! So glad that things are working out for you. You have had quite a few trials lately, but it's so good to see that you have pulled through and are still positive.
i loved this post.. we have to do what is best for us and our babies.. you are awesome. thanks for being vulnerable and sharing... hey cause if mommas not happy no one is happy. james is lucky to have you.
Heather, so awesome that things have been going well the last few days! I'm in total agreement with you about what a "judgemental" society we live in when it comes to "breast vs. bottle"...all too often I think that people look down their noses so to speak at others for not doing EXACTLY what they did as mothers...all babies are different, as are all parents...we all know what is best for OUR children, and that doesn't have to be what is best for someone elses!!! The guilt complex happens far too often, also. I remember a good friend of mine who tried so hard to breast feed and she just couldn't, it wouldn't work, and people always commented on how she was bottle feeding, etc....it's very sad. Anyways, sorry to rant, but I'm so glad that you have found a routine that works good for you, and I hope it keeps on workin'!! Also glad to see that you got to go shopping and not have to worry!!! All the best!
i wish more people would say what you said about formula!! i felt like a horrible mother when i didn't breastfeed. i actually had one lactation consultant want nothing to do with me once i told her i wouldn't be doing it for long. she totally snubbed me. some of us have health issues and reasons why we can't breasfeed but you still are looked at like an outcast! i love that most women are able to breastfeed, but i wish more women would also do formula and take the stress of themselves!!!
i'm so happy your schedule is working. that's exactly what we did with Kamryn when she was that age (though i didn't remember until i read your post so i apologize for the lack of advice!). It worked really well - until about 10 months. then i had to fill the bottle with water to get her to NOT want it so much just for a sip in the middle of the nite. but i think at James's age, this is your perfect solution! yippeeeeeeeee!!
love you chickie!
I also think it's awesome that you have sat down and figured out something that works for you!! I totally agree about 'breast vs. bottle' yes it's nice to be able to breastfeed.. but no one tells you how hard it is and it's something that you and baby have to learn - and there are definatly reasons why a woman can't! my mom only nursed all her kids for the first two weeks and that's it, it didn't work to do it any longer - that's just the way it is sometimes! as long as a baby is taken care of that's the most important, not the method!!
Great post Heather! It came at a great time for because I gave Olivia her first formula bottle today when I was downtown. I felt so much guilt with my first baby that I never gave him formula. But I had that same anxiety you talk about when downtown etc..and today after giving Liv her bottle downtown I felt so free and at peace!(it is almost impossible for me to feed in a public place because I have to do football hold with her and no chairs in stores have arms!) I am going to continue breastfeeding but supplement every so often with formula. God knows what we need to hear and I am blessed that I read this post today!! I needed to hear it!
I'm so glad for some good nights of sleep for you guys! Pretty soon James will be sleeping right through those "sips" and things will feel a lot more sane :)
A friend of mine once told me that the best advice she got as a mother was that no matter what advice you get, YOU are the best mother for your baby. I guess it just reminds me that my kids don't know any different. I'm the only mom they know and as far as they're concerned I'm doing everything right ;)
Funny that you're feeling guilty about formula when right now I'm LONGING for Keziah to even take a sip of it. So far she's just gagged on it. I would love the freedom of just letting someone feed her a formula bottle once in awhile and not worry about having to pump enough for her when we're away...
What kind of formula are you using?
Jamie - I had got three freebie cans of formula when James was born. Nestle Good Start - which he hated, Enfamil A+ - which he hated, and Similac Advance with Omega 3 & 6. He seems to really like the Similac, and he has had two poops since he started having it, so I don't think it's constipating him.
I'm so happy to hear that things are looking up. It was so hard for me to put Evan on formula but since I didn't have a good milk supply I had no choice. It is so true about the guilt! I even had a lactation consultant call formula poison! Putting Evan on formula was the best thing I did. He is thriving, healthy, and happy 3 month old. The one thing that helped me go through the formula transition was when a friend reminded me that our God is not a God of guilt. Ever since she told me that I realized that I was Evan's mommy and had to decide what was best for him. I think you are doing amazing...and the most important thing you can give James is a healthy mommy. And if a healthy, happy mommy is a mommy that uses formula then that is just fine in my eyes.
I totally just commented and it didn't work. Ugh! I have one week left of work.
I am glad you are deciding some of these things on your own. I will have questions for you in a few weeks. :0) I am fine with formula if I have to but I kinda hope I don't have to until after all our travels in Aug.
I'm so glad things are going better Heather! It seems like you are figuring out your little guy pretty well! I think that's what being a new mom is all about trying all kinds of different things till you find out what it right for your baby and YOU! You are right about the stigma placed on moms who can't or don't want to nurse exclusively. My health nurses were horrible. I had trouble standing up for myself with my first, but by the time I had Sam I had no trouble telling them to mind their own business and that I'd managed to keep one baby alive, so I'd probably be okay with this one. Ha ha! That was such a fun appointment. Good times. We used Similac Advance too for the most part and both of my boys did great on it. (Although, I have to admit I have NO IDEA what the differences are between formulas. We bought our first can because it came with free fisher price little people! LOL.)
i TOTALLY agree on your last paragraph. Taeya is starting to wean herself, which is fine with me, but at least we made it 10 months, and a bottle of formula here and there never hurt her. At least she got a significant majority of breast milk!
And for the mom's who can't breastfeed for whatever reason, formula is totally fine!
Hey Heather!! Sounds like you figured out a good plan there...and I'm so happy it's working for you!! yay!!! :) I know how it is to be without sleep and it's not fun...and it's SOOOO nice when they actually sleep better, huh? :)
Wow! It's good to know that things are going better for you. It seems like the 'baby society' out there wants to make us think that we have to do things a certain, perfect way to make it work. Thanks for being honest and giving some of us moms some encouragement.
I think part of the push toward breast and away from formula is because a lot of women are not educated about it, and don't even give it a chance. You've tried it, and you've found something that works better for you. Way to go!
I'm a bit nervous about this next one, because I had a lot more frustration than blissful happiness when nursing Rowan, but I felt too pressured to try formula sooner. Thanks again for your inspiring words!
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