It's not over yet. Oh man... today was one of the worst days I've had in a long time. Yes, even compared to losing the baby, if that seems possible. When we lost the baby I was mentally prepared. People were praying, and I was strong. Today I just felt like a failure of a mother.
We had a bad night again. James hasn't vomitted since Saturday morning, but he woke up at 3:00am this morning SCREAMING. We tried to calm him down, but it didn't work. I gave him Tylenol, and eventually he fell asleep while I rocked him. I put him into his crib, and he seemed fine... for a few minutes. Then, the screaming began again. This time Ryan went in to him after we let him cry for almost 20 minutes with no quiet. He finally opted to give him a bottle, which settled him temporarily. Ryan even brought him down to the basement, and was willing to let him play if he wanted to - but that was not the answer. We are both beat, all we wanted was to go back to sleep. James did not really get much sleep after 4:30am, and I suppose we didn't really either. Then he decided that even though he was up at that hour, he was not going to nap all day. He was sort of happy, but I could see that he was exhausted. I tried putting him down at 10:00am - and he screamed. This new screaming thing is hard on me. I don't know what to make of it. At 11:30am I gave up, and took him out of his crib. His eyes were bloodshot from crying so much, and he had those horrible crying hiccups. I felt so terrible. I gave him lunch, and then attempted another nap at 1:00pm. Because I was unsure what was causing his distress, I cracked open the Infant Gravol my mom had bought and gave him a dose. He still wailed when I put him down in the crib, but thankfully it was pretty short and he fell asleep. I crawled into bed too - but the nap only lasted an hour. I thought he would be up for good, so I took him out of his room only to find that he fell asleep again on my shoulder. I was scared to put him down and wake him, so I just sat in the rocking chair with him for another 45 minutes. He seemed grumpy and tired all afternoon, as well as clingy and whiney. I was ready to call it quits. Throw in the towel. Go on a vacation for a month. After supper he cheered up, and went down to sleep fairly well.
Now I have that awful nighttime anxiety. Will he wake up again? What should we do if he wakes up? Is he still sick? If he's still sick, do we let him cry it out? Will he be back to normal tomorrow? Is this his newest stage? Will it be like this FOREVER now?!? AHHHH!!! I feel rather unprepared for this, and I am finding it hard to FULLY RELY ON GOD. My fears are overtaking me, and I am worrying all my prayers. I hate it when it gets like this - things feel out of my control (which they are), and I don't know how to grab the reigns. Argh.
5 comments :
Sorry to hear that things are rough in your house right now. Praying for you...
Thinking of you today, and completely relating to how you are feeling...I've definitely been there, and know all too well of that awful anxiety we so often feel as mothers. I'll be remembering all 3 of you today in my prayers and hoping that you are able to have some rest time today.
i VERY much remember that week or two of trying to let her "scream it out". i was SO ready to give up, i was so frustrated, i felt HORRIBLE not going to pick up my crying baby. so horrible. but like all mother's say - trust me, it works & was worth it in the end. SOOO tough to believe, but i promise that it is.
i can understand your worry since he's been so sick. just do what you feel is right. i know some people say not to keep stopping & starting, but if you feel he may still be sick & this is just the wrong time...go with that feeling & try again next month. seriously - it's ok.
i love love love you.
Is this night terrors?? It just sounds like if it's a freaking out thing that could be what it is...I remember when you used to get down on your knees and pray in his room...Maybe that would help again. I know when my kids wake up screaming, I pray with them out loud...even if they aren't fully awake...I command the bad dreams to leave, and the night is better...I am feeling for you, It is not fun to be tired and dealing with these things...I pray tonight is a better night for you!
I will keep you guys in my prayers. Just reading through a few posts... my son Brendan just got over rotavirus as well and I was wondering if James had the same thing? Its awful, isn't it? Way worse than just a normal "stomach flu". I am glad James seems to be on the mend, health wise. Brendan was terribly out of sorts for a few days after recovering but it did return back to normal.
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