Although I am no longer expecting, I decided that I would still try to keep my body free from various medications, and alcohol. So, I'm trying to tough-out this nasty cold that I've got without medications. These are a few of the home remedies I've used, and found to work.
Vapo Rub - Not really a home remedy I guess, but it's not ingested, and has really been working wonders for me. I use it just before bed on my throat, and a dab just under my nose to help me breath.
Steam - Whenever I have the kettle boiling for our next pot of tea, I stick my face in the steam and breath it in. This really helps clear the air ways, and it feels good too.
Salt Water - A few gargles of salt water and my cough and sore throat seem to disappear.
Plugged Nose Cure - Make a mixture of 1 cup water, 1/2 tsp. salt and 1/2 tsp. baking soda. Pour a few drops into your hand, and sniff it up your nose. It clears it up relatively quickly. I find that if my nose is really, REALLY plugged it takes a few doses, but it sure feels good to be able to breath.
Lemon Drink - This one tastes just like NeoCitran! A mug of hot water, with lemon juice and honey, make it to your liking. It really soothes all the senses, and is perfect just before bed.
Tuesday, February 28
Friday, February 24
Need Explanation
In my never-ending quest for information about pregnancy and miscarriages, I have come across numerous blogs and online discussion forums for moms. Many of these blogging/posting/chatting moms use some terms that I just can't figure out. What does DH, DS and DD stand for? When I read them, in my head I'm thinking "da Husband", "da Son" and "da Daughter". I'm sure it has a more technical meaning, and I'd just love to know what it's purpose is. Can someone enlighten and educate me on this special code-for-moms?
Thursday, February 23
A Part Of Me
Thinking today about what Baby would have been like...
As I sit and remember
When you were still a part of me
I don't want to forget...
Your life was never meant to be.
You were given a life, a soul, a name
But now things will never be the same.
You were mine to give life to
Though only for a while
Something had changed...
I will never see your smile.
Yet my love for you
Will never disappear
Though your voice, your laugh,
I will never get to hear.
You will always be my baby
Though I've never seen your face.
Not a thing in this world
Can ever take your place.
(c) Felicia Glik All Rights Reserved
As I sit and remember
When you were still a part of me
I don't want to forget...
Your life was never meant to be.
You were given a life, a soul, a name
But now things will never be the same.
You were mine to give life to
Though only for a while
Something had changed...
I will never see your smile.
Yet my love for you
Will never disappear
Though your voice, your laugh,
I will never get to hear.
You will always be my baby
Though I've never seen your face.
Not a thing in this world
Can ever take your place.
(c) Felicia Glik All Rights Reserved
Monday, February 20
Deleted Post
I deleted the post "How to Make a Baby 101" today. I hope you don't mind. A friend pointed out that it could potentially be insensitive to post stories about successful pregnancies, because even though I'm comfortable with them, it doesn't mean other people are. It was a good point, so I've taken off that post. If you would like to tell me your story, I would still love to hear it, so please feel free to email me.
Weird Weekend
This weekend was just... weird. I experienced a pile of new and unexpected emotions, and feelings, and it was just so... weird. Sorry for a lack of better words, but it's so hard to explain.
It seemed like I had to explain our miscarriage a hundred times this weekend. I don't know what happened, but it just seemed like I ran into every single person who somehow had not heard that we had lost our baby. We also had at least three phone calls from people who either had just heard the news, or were calling to see how we were doing. I felt like I was travelling backwards. Back into the memories, back into the grief. I had to fight the emotions and the lonliness and the tears a lot. Just this morning I had a client ask how I was doing, and I said I was fine. She followed that by saying, "even with all the morning sickness and everything?". I had to tell her I was no longer expecting. When will it ever end?!
I did get to talk to another girl this weekend who recently miscarried. That was really good for me I think. She talked about things that she experiencing, and I just kept saying, "Yes, I've been feeling exactly like that too". It felt so good to feel "normal", and that we could both relate to one another. It's tough to go from the mindset of getting ready for a baby, to suddenly not. I still go past the baby section in Walmart and think "oh, I should check the price of strollers" or "I wonder if I should stock up on diapers early". It's hard to just stop thinking about having a baby. It was nice to know that she was feeling the same way. Ironically, she and her husband have been in the process of buying a new car - just like Ryan and I. The whole purpose of the new car was for the new baby. We needed a four door, more reliable vehicle. Well, we still bought the new car - but it felt sort of weird, because we weren't expecting a baby anymore, and yet it was important to me that the car had a large trunk for strollers and playpens and stuff, and that it was equipped with up-to-date baby car seat harness hardware, etc. It totally feels weird to want baby things, but there is no baby on the way.
To top off my weird weekend, we got a call on Sunday night from someone close to us to say they were expecting. Wow! We were so excited to hear the news, but at the same time a pang of pain poked at my heart. How can these two emotions be so separate, and yet so linked? I was joyful, but sad. It was eventually going to happen that someone we knew would get pregnant, and I had sort of been dreading that day. It went much better than I thought it might, but I did cry - and I know that Ryan sort of found it hard to understand this new stage of emotions. I think the only thing that would really "cure" me is if we would get pregnant again soon. However, I also don't want to get my hopes up so that I'm not too let down if we don't have immediate success. *sigh* As my friend said on the phone this weekend, "it's a long road".
It seemed like I had to explain our miscarriage a hundred times this weekend. I don't know what happened, but it just seemed like I ran into every single person who somehow had not heard that we had lost our baby. We also had at least three phone calls from people who either had just heard the news, or were calling to see how we were doing. I felt like I was travelling backwards. Back into the memories, back into the grief. I had to fight the emotions and the lonliness and the tears a lot. Just this morning I had a client ask how I was doing, and I said I was fine. She followed that by saying, "even with all the morning sickness and everything?". I had to tell her I was no longer expecting. When will it ever end?!
I did get to talk to another girl this weekend who recently miscarried. That was really good for me I think. She talked about things that she experiencing, and I just kept saying, "Yes, I've been feeling exactly like that too". It felt so good to feel "normal", and that we could both relate to one another. It's tough to go from the mindset of getting ready for a baby, to suddenly not. I still go past the baby section in Walmart and think "oh, I should check the price of strollers" or "I wonder if I should stock up on diapers early". It's hard to just stop thinking about having a baby. It was nice to know that she was feeling the same way. Ironically, she and her husband have been in the process of buying a new car - just like Ryan and I. The whole purpose of the new car was for the new baby. We needed a four door, more reliable vehicle. Well, we still bought the new car - but it felt sort of weird, because we weren't expecting a baby anymore, and yet it was important to me that the car had a large trunk for strollers and playpens and stuff, and that it was equipped with up-to-date baby car seat harness hardware, etc. It totally feels weird to want baby things, but there is no baby on the way.
To top off my weird weekend, we got a call on Sunday night from someone close to us to say they were expecting. Wow! We were so excited to hear the news, but at the same time a pang of pain poked at my heart. How can these two emotions be so separate, and yet so linked? I was joyful, but sad. It was eventually going to happen that someone we knew would get pregnant, and I had sort of been dreading that day. It went much better than I thought it might, but I did cry - and I know that Ryan sort of found it hard to understand this new stage of emotions. I think the only thing that would really "cure" me is if we would get pregnant again soon. However, I also don't want to get my hopes up so that I'm not too let down if we don't have immediate success. *sigh* As my friend said on the phone this weekend, "it's a long road".
Wednesday, February 15
Prayers from Around the World
And here I thought I wasn't going to be posting for awhile... I just always have something to say I guess!
I've just been so blessed by the number of people who prayed for Ryan and I, and are still praying for us. The prayers have come from all over the world, including many parts of the U.S.A., Mexico, Europe and Australia. Of course, we have had many prayers go up for us here in Canada, and especially right here at home. Every single prayer is felt. I had often heard people stand up in church during sharing time on Sunday morning, and say "we can feel your prayers". I always thought it was sort of a silly thing to say, I mean, how can a person "feel" prayers? But I have totally changed my thinking! From every moment throughout the whole ordeal of losing our baby I have actually literally felt everyone's prayers. In my lowest moments, I would suddenly feel my burden being lifted and would think, "hey, someone just prayed for us". Even now, when things are getting better every day, and we are looking forward and planning for the future I will get a little boost in energy, or joy and know that someone prayed for me today. I know my mom and my grandma are great prayer warriors, and they will be praying for us every day. I know many of you out there are great prayer warriors too, and you have helped me to heal. Can someone tell me where that verse in the Bible is about "where two or three are gathered"? Prayer is SO powerful. I've never used it as much as I have in the last month, but I will always use it like I have now. I've seen so many answers lately. Sometimes it seems like prayers go unanswered. Sometimes it's because the timing isn't right, or because God gives us an answer we possibly didn't want to hear. Sometimes it's because we are praying without real faith. I think a lot of my life I've spent praying for things I want, but not really praying in faith. After losing the baby I prayed more fervently and faithfully than I ever had before - and now there are things happening all around me! It's so incredible! God is AMAZING!
I've just been so blessed by the number of people who prayed for Ryan and I, and are still praying for us. The prayers have come from all over the world, including many parts of the U.S.A., Mexico, Europe and Australia. Of course, we have had many prayers go up for us here in Canada, and especially right here at home. Every single prayer is felt. I had often heard people stand up in church during sharing time on Sunday morning, and say "we can feel your prayers". I always thought it was sort of a silly thing to say, I mean, how can a person "feel" prayers? But I have totally changed my thinking! From every moment throughout the whole ordeal of losing our baby I have actually literally felt everyone's prayers. In my lowest moments, I would suddenly feel my burden being lifted and would think, "hey, someone just prayed for us". Even now, when things are getting better every day, and we are looking forward and planning for the future I will get a little boost in energy, or joy and know that someone prayed for me today. I know my mom and my grandma are great prayer warriors, and they will be praying for us every day. I know many of you out there are great prayer warriors too, and you have helped me to heal. Can someone tell me where that verse in the Bible is about "where two or three are gathered"? Prayer is SO powerful. I've never used it as much as I have in the last month, but I will always use it like I have now. I've seen so many answers lately. Sometimes it seems like prayers go unanswered. Sometimes it's because the timing isn't right, or because God gives us an answer we possibly didn't want to hear. Sometimes it's because we are praying without real faith. I think a lot of my life I've spent praying for things I want, but not really praying in faith. After losing the baby I prayed more fervently and faithfully than I ever had before - and now there are things happening all around me! It's so incredible! God is AMAZING!
Monday, February 13
Proverbs 31 Woman
A friend of mine posted yesterday that I should be named a Proverbs 31 woman. Wow. Thank you. I think that is a lot more than I will ever live up to, but I hope that I will some day come close. Here is Proverbs 31:10-31, from the Message Bible.
10 A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds.
11 Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
12 Never spiteful, she treats him generously
all her life long.
13 She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.
14 She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises.
15 She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.
16 She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
17 First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
18 She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
19 She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
20 She's quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.
21 She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
22 She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
23 Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.
24 She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
25 Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
26 When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.
27 She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.
28 Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:
29 "Many women have done wonderful things,
but you've outclassed them all!"
30 Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-GOD.
31 Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!
10 A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds.
11 Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
12 Never spiteful, she treats him generously
all her life long.
13 She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.
14 She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises.
15 She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.
16 She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
17 First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
18 She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
19 She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
20 She's quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.
21 She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
22 She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
23 Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.
24 She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
25 Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
26 When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.
27 She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.
28 Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:
29 "Many women have done wonderful things,
but you've outclassed them all!"
30 Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-GOD.
31 Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!
Thursday, February 9
Hopes & Dreams
Hopes...
- to get pregnant within a year
- to have a successful pregnancy
- to be healthy
- to be happy
- to be a good wife
- to grow in faith and love
Fears...
- failure
- being unable to get pregnant
- to be unable to have children
- to be a nag
- to be depressed
- to wander from my faith
- to frustrate my husband
Joys...
- my faith in Christ
- my husband
- my family
- my friends
- my home
- my world
- my baby in Heaven
Prayers...
- for faith
- for bravery
- for joy
- for patience
- for trust
- for peace
- for health
- for success
Monday, February 6
New Beginnings
Well, it's come time to move on. It's sort of funny - I was expecting to be able to post all about my pregnancy on my blog, but now that we've come to this place where we are sort of waiting to try again I don't know that I will have that much to blog about. We still want it to be a surprise when and if we do get prego again! So, this may be the last that you hear from me for a while. Of course, I'll post if anything comes to mind, but for now... we'll just see what is to come. Please keep us in your prayers, as I pray for each of you every night and thank God for you all. Thanks for helping me get to this place in one piece. You've all been a blessing to me through this time in one way or another. So, here's to trying again... cheers!
Friday, February 3
Thank You God!
Guess what every one?! This morning I got my period! I appreciate all of you who have prayed for my physical healing. This is truly an answer to one of my prayers, and I am just overjoyed. Likely, this will be the first and last time that I am ever excited to say that I got my period - so I am loving it! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Thursday, February 2
What Makes A Mother?
Written by Jennifer Wasik
In memory of Zachery Wasik
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.
"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby's not with you?"
"Yes, you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay."
"I just don't understand this God
I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.
"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile,
With all the other children and say...
'We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straightt here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'
"So you see my dear sweet ones,
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart
it's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
Though some on earth may not realize, you are a Mother.
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!"
Wednesday, February 1
A Letter to Baby
Dear Baby Plett,
Today I really want you back. Some days I'm just so happy that you are in Heaven with Jesus, and healthy, and having fun. Other days, I want to have you back here with daddy and I. In a few days I would have been 5 months pregnant with you. Over half way through the pregnancy! I'd be feeling you kicking, and daddy and I would have had your name all picked out. We are really missing all the times we just lay in bed, with daddy's hand on my tummy, talking about you - and what we were going to do once you were here. I haven't put all your things away yet, because it is too hard for me to do it. I feel like putting your things away is like putting hope
away, and I still have hope. I'm hoping for another baby, and I'm hoping it won't be too long before I'm pregnant with your brother or sister. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten my promise to tell them about you. Some people think I shouldn't use the things I got for you for your brothers or sisters, but I think I will. I think they will like the fact that their blanket, or teddy bear used to be for their angel sibling in Heaven. Baby, we really, really loved you a lot - even though we didn't even know what you looked like. We didn't care whether you would be a boy or girl, or anything like that. So, today I wish I had you back. I wish my tummy was big and fat again, and that you would be there inside. I don't mean to make you sad Baby, I just want you to know that you are loved and missed. I think about you every day - almost every hour. I've been trying to imagine what you are up to there in Heaven. I pray that you are the most fun baby up there, and that you meet all the other babies that arrive there every day with a big hug and a smile. Maybe you can ask God if He'll let you have my dog Max up there with you to play with. Oh, and say "hi" to grandma and grandpa Kroeker, and great-grandma Britton.
Love,
Mommy
Today I really want you back. Some days I'm just so happy that you are in Heaven with Jesus, and healthy, and having fun. Other days, I want to have you back here with daddy and I. In a few days I would have been 5 months pregnant with you. Over half way through the pregnancy! I'd be feeling you kicking, and daddy and I would have had your name all picked out. We are really missing all the times we just lay in bed, with daddy's hand on my tummy, talking about you - and what we were going to do once you were here. I haven't put all your things away yet, because it is too hard for me to do it. I feel like putting your things away is like putting hope
away, and I still have hope. I'm hoping for another baby, and I'm hoping it won't be too long before I'm pregnant with your brother or sister. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten my promise to tell them about you. Some people think I shouldn't use the things I got for you for your brothers or sisters, but I think I will. I think they will like the fact that their blanket, or teddy bear used to be for their angel sibling in Heaven. Baby, we really, really loved you a lot - even though we didn't even know what you looked like. We didn't care whether you would be a boy or girl, or anything like that. So, today I wish I had you back. I wish my tummy was big and fat again, and that you would be there inside. I don't mean to make you sad Baby, I just want you to know that you are loved and missed. I think about you every day - almost every hour. I've been trying to imagine what you are up to there in Heaven. I pray that you are the most fun baby up there, and that you meet all the other babies that arrive there every day with a big hug and a smile. Maybe you can ask God if He'll let you have my dog Max up there with you to play with. Oh, and say "hi" to grandma and grandpa Kroeker, and great-grandma Britton.Love,
Mommy
Monday, January 30
A Month
Well, Saturday was officially the four week mark since the miscarriage. That means that a month has passed (it seems like it happened yesterday), and within the next few weeks I should expect a period. Yay! (Seriously, I can't wait to get one!) I am a little apprehensive though, because I recently heard that another girl who had a miscarriage didn't get her period for almost 6 months! Being apprehensive could potentially delay the oncoming of my period though, so I'm trying to just trust God to make it happen when it's supposed to happen. Isn't it odd the things we can trust God with? Like, as if He truly wants to hear about my period. But He created me, so He must care about those things too! I just want to know that my body is functioning as it is supposed to. There's nothing quite like peace of mind.
Friday, January 27
Help!
When I first found out I was pregnant, I signed up on all these pregnancy sites and for their emailed newsletters. Does anyone know how I can stop them? I don't want to mark them as spam, or block the sender in the case that I want to receive them again in the future. Right now though, they are really depressing, because I get these messages in my Inbox that announce "Congrats Heather, You are 18 Weeks Pregnant Today!" and stuff like that.
Thursday, January 26
Trading My Sorrows
This song popped into my head one day, and I haven't been able to get it out since. It has been a great encouragement to me, and has basically been my prayer since the miscarriage. Listen to it here (purchased legally from Napster).
Trading My Sorrows
By Delirious
I'm trading my sorrows
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord
I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord
We say yes Lord, yes Lord, yes, yes Lord
Yes Lord, yes Lord, yes, yes Lord
Yes Lord, yes Lord, yes, yes Lord, Amen
I am pressed but not crushed
Persecuted, but not abandoned
Struck down, but not destroyed
I am blessed beyond the curse,
For His promise will endure and
His joy will be my strength
Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning.
Monday, January 23
A Tough Day
Most days have been pretty good, but today was a tough one. I had an early morning meeting with a committe I am on, and two of the other ladies on the committee had not heard of my miscarriage. They both asked how the baby was doing, and both times I had to explain that the baby had died. Of course, they felt awful for having mentioned it - but how could they know. At the same time, I felt awful for having to tell them, putting them in a awkward situation where they would feel forced to say something. Oh well. I was proud of myself for not tearing up, and I kept a strong and brave face on. Funny thing is... I actually felt strong and brave too! God is obviously still helping me out - not that I really doubted that He would, but it's nice to reassured.
I've received a couple of booklets and books lately too that have been helpful. One booklet is from Focus on the Family, and it's called "Permission to Grieve". It outlines the stages of grief - which has been good, because it makes me feel "normal".
The other is a book called "Empty Arms". I haven't read much of it - but after reading the first three pages, I thought I was reading my own book! I think it will be a good one too.
I've received a couple of booklets and books lately too that have been helpful. One booklet is from Focus on the Family, and it's called "Permission to Grieve". It outlines the stages of grief - which has been good, because it makes me feel "normal".
The other is a book called "Empty Arms". I haven't read much of it - but after reading the first three pages, I thought I was reading my own book! I think it will be a good one too.
Thursday, January 19
Wednesday, January 18
Blessed
It is sort of funny I think, that when a tragedy occurs, you suddenly find out how many people really care about you. I always knew that people cared about me, and I've always felt love - but none like the caring and compassion that I've felt in the last couple of weeks.
People that I don't know well have sent me emails, cards, and we've received so many encouraging phone calls. We are overwhelmed with how much support we've received, and each and every word of encouragement is held close to our hearts. We just can't thank everyone enough for standing by us right now - it really, really helps. We fee like we're floating - each prayer, thought, and hand extended in sympathy lightens the load of our grief. In many ways, we are finding silver linings every day. Even though we would still like to rewind time, and have our baby back, we also can see that there are so many blessings that have come during this time. God knows just what He is doing.
I was reading "Travelling Light" by Max Lucado last night. It's a book my Bible study group has been taking, and I decided to re-read the chapter about grief. I'm really glad that I did - it was a good reminder. Our days on earth are numbered - some have fewer days than others. Baby Plett had fewer days than I - and was spared all the earthly grief we often have to bear. I'm thankful for that. It makes me think that the baby must have had such a good spirit, God brought them to Heaven right away.
I'm not really one to think morbidly either. I mean, no matter what one believes, death is never a great thing to think about. However, now I have one more thing to look forward to in Heaven. I already have one baby waiting for me there. Heaven is our eternal home - not earth - and knowing that baby is waiting for me is a great way to remind me not to dwell on earthly things, but to always be looking to Heaven. What a great promise!
Again, I just have to say thank you to all of those who have offered support to us during this time. It means so much, and I can never thank you for how each of you have lifted my heart in one way or another. I love you all dearly, and I can't wait until I can share with you the joys of my "earthly angels", that I am sure are yet to come.
For all of those that have shared about your own miscarriages, my heart goes out to you. It does bring a smile to my face though when I think of all the wonderful children my baby has to play with while they wait for us to come Home. Can't you imagine the amazing playground that Heaven has for all our little angels? I can't wait to see it!
People that I don't know well have sent me emails, cards, and we've received so many encouraging phone calls. We are overwhelmed with how much support we've received, and each and every word of encouragement is held close to our hearts. We just can't thank everyone enough for standing by us right now - it really, really helps. We fee like we're floating - each prayer, thought, and hand extended in sympathy lightens the load of our grief. In many ways, we are finding silver linings every day. Even though we would still like to rewind time, and have our baby back, we also can see that there are so many blessings that have come during this time. God knows just what He is doing.
I was reading "Travelling Light" by Max Lucado last night. It's a book my Bible study group has been taking, and I decided to re-read the chapter about grief. I'm really glad that I did - it was a good reminder. Our days on earth are numbered - some have fewer days than others. Baby Plett had fewer days than I - and was spared all the earthly grief we often have to bear. I'm thankful for that. It makes me think that the baby must have had such a good spirit, God brought them to Heaven right away.
I'm not really one to think morbidly either. I mean, no matter what one believes, death is never a great thing to think about. However, now I have one more thing to look forward to in Heaven. I already have one baby waiting for me there. Heaven is our eternal home - not earth - and knowing that baby is waiting for me is a great way to remind me not to dwell on earthly things, but to always be looking to Heaven. What a great promise!
Again, I just have to say thank you to all of those who have offered support to us during this time. It means so much, and I can never thank you for how each of you have lifted my heart in one way or another. I love you all dearly, and I can't wait until I can share with you the joys of my "earthly angels", that I am sure are yet to come.
For all of those that have shared about your own miscarriages, my heart goes out to you. It does bring a smile to my face though when I think of all the wonderful children my baby has to play with while they wait for us to come Home. Can't you imagine the amazing playground that Heaven has for all our little angels? I can't wait to see it!
Tuesday, January 17
Some Poems...
We cried tears when we learned that a child would be,
that our God had allowed you to quicken in me.
We cried tears with our loved ones as they shared our joy,
and we thought about names for a girl or a boy.
I cried tears as I thought of the things we would do,
all the things that your Daddy would pass onto you.
And I cried as I thought of every inch you had grown,
as I pondered the day that you'd make yourself known.
Then to think of the world you must enter brought fears,
once again little one your Mother cried tears.
Something's wrong, I can tell--once again there are tears,
and I'll not get the chance of your love through the years.
Oh the ache and the sorrow and all of the pain,
and again, yes again my tears fell like rain.
Then His peace comes to me as I think of you there,
gently rocking with Father in His favorite chair.
Your sweet little fingers clenched tight in His palm,
and His Son softly singing to help you keep calm.
Our God knew your days before you came to be,
and He knew little one you would not stay with me.
So, I cry, but I know that when this life is done,
I will greet and embrace you my sweet little one.
There's a time to be born, and a time to die,
and the joy and the sorrow both make us cry!
~Connie Johnson~
*****
My Precious Little Baby,
Your face I've never seen.
Your skin I've never touched before,
Nor held you close to me.
You lived inside my body,
But only for a while;
Till Jesus softly whispered,
"Come home my little child."
You must have been a special child;
If God needed you up there.
Because heaven is a better home,
It's beauty can't compare.
So, till I get to heaven,
And see your shining face;
Jesus will take care of you,
And love you in my place.
Yes, Jesus loves His little lambs,
They sit around His throne;
So sit on Jesus' lap dear child--
Till Mommy gets called home.
~Author Unknown~
*****
Daddy, please don't look so sad,
Mama please don't cry~
"Cause I am in the arms of Jesus
and He sings me lullabies."
Please, try not to question God,
Don't think he is unkind
Don't think He sent me to you,
and then He changed his mind.
You see, I am a special child,
and I'm needed up above
I'm the special gift you gave Him,
the product of your love.
I'll always be there with you
and watch the sky at night,
Find the brightest star that's gleaming,
That's my halo's brilliant light.
You'll see me in the morning frost,
that mists your window pane.
That's me in the summer showers,
I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a little breeze,
from a gentle wind that blows
That's me, I'll be there,
planting a kiss on your nose.
When you see a child playing,
and your heart feels a little tug,
That's me, I'll be there,
giving your heart a hug.
So Daddy, please don't look so sad,
Mama don't you cry.
I'm in the arms of Jesus
and He sings me lullabies.
~Claudette T. Allen~
Friday, January 13
Time to Head Home
Today is our last full day here in Honolulu, and tomorrow we head home. We will fly to Vancouver tomorrow, stay there overnight, and then make our way home.
I'm still very anxious about coming home, but at the same time I do feel rejuvenated. I believe that it will be emotional to come home, and there will be moments that will be hard to take - such as the many hugs I can anticipate at work, and even just around town. Each one will likely awaken tears, and I'm not the type that likes to cry in front of others. It sort of sounds silly - to not look forward to hugs, and the sympathy of our friends and family. I will appreciate it - but not the emotions that it will bring forth.
I'm still very anxious about coming home, but at the same time I do feel rejuvenated. I believe that it will be emotional to come home, and there will be moments that will be hard to take - such as the many hugs I can anticipate at work, and even just around town. Each one will likely awaken tears, and I'm not the type that likes to cry in front of others. It sort of sounds silly - to not look forward to hugs, and the sympathy of our friends and family. I will appreciate it - but not the emotions that it will bring forth.
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