The Whole Story

It all started last week Wednesday when I started to get a weird discharge. I gave it a coupleof days, thinking it might go away (it was justyellow, with no smell, no other symptoms). On FridayI decided I should get it checked by the doctor beforeleaving to Hawaii, so I called Dr.L and despite being really, really busy, they squished me into her schedule. I figured it was likely a yeast infection,and I'd just have to go out and get a Monistat or something.

Dr.L checked me out, and after looking at everything she said she just couldn't send me off without doing an ultrasound. She said she was really concerned,because she felt the yellow might actually be old blood, and it was coming from my cervix. Everything else was looking normal for 14 weeks though, but we couldn't find the fetal heartbeat again, and that made her think we should do an ultrasound.

I prepared myself for the worst, and Dr.L didn't think we'd be able to get an ultrasound until Monday - so we thought we'd be postponing our flight to Maui. However, they were able to get me in for that afternoon - so off we went.

I was very, very frightened, but I also wanted to get to the bottom of the problem and have peace-of-mind before going to Maui.We did the ultrasound, and the radiologist didn't sayanything for a long time. Finally he said that there was a problem. My womb and everything were the right size for 14 weeks, but the baby was just a little tiny, tiny thing, and it had no heartbeat. Baby had died some time ago, and just forgot to let us know. Now don't depair at this point, there is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel.We were obviously surprised, shocked and upset. The ride home was not pleasant, as I thought about everything I didn't have and would now miss, etc. Lots of tears were shed, and inside I was yelling at God. Why did this happen, why me, what did I do wrong? But at the same time, I knew I did nothing wrong, and this happens a lot, and things would be okay. We'd have more chances to make more babies.

So, on to the next problem - the baby is still inside and it needed to come out. We had three options from Dr.L: We could just wait for the baby to come out naturally. This could take weeks, maybe months, with no guarantee as to when it would happen - so that would mean, no travelling any time soon. Another option would be to try a new method that would have required me to take a pill that would start the process of getting the baby out, but again, no guarantee when and where this would happen. We didn't like those options,because all we wanted at that point was to get away,and relax, and mourn the loss of our first little love. Option three was the D & C. I don't know if you've read about it, or know about it - but it's a surgical procedure to remove everything out of there. Not too fun - but the benefits are it is a day surgery usually, and it would be complete by the end of theday. Dr.L gave us the night to think about it - and also told me she had talked to the gyno at the hospital, and she was a very nice lady (in Dr.L's words "possibly the nicest gyno in the world"). We opted for the D & C, with the hope and prayer that maybe we'd still be able to leave for Maui on Monday.

So, on Saturday morning we left for the city and got to hosptial at about noon. They booked me in, and we got a room all to ourselves. We had no idea how long we'd wait, as we were on a first come first serve basis. It was not a long wait, just an hour and half. In the meantime, the gyno (Dr. B, possibly the world's nicest gyno) came in to talk me. I asked her a million questions, because I was scared to death, and had never had surgery or been under anastetic before. She was SO nice, answered everything, and I felt much,much better. She told me there should be no pain, andI'd feel much like I would with a bad period. Cramps,bleeding and such.

So, two girls came in eventually with a gurney and I got on and they wheeled me all over the place until we got to the surgical ward (Ryan followed along, he wouldn't let me out of his sight my precious babe). Anyway, the anastesiologist (um, spelling? from here on I'll call him the "guy") came and talked to me, and told me the anastetic would be like a "big bottle of Bailey's, with possibly a hangover later". The guy was pretty nice, even though I was freaked out. The surgical ward looked like a dungeon in the basement of the place, and really cold! Thankfully they have a blanket warmer, and they layered me with warm blankets. I know a million people were praying for me, and suddenly, an angel was there. She was a nurse named Val, and she just couldn't have showed up at a better time. She asked if I was Ron and Wendy's daughter, and I said I was. She said, "You look like your mom!". I asked her how she knew them,and she told me she was in my mom's art student. She had gone to Mexico with my parents, and had been at my mom's class in Gimli and also knew Jeanne (my mother-in-law) from art classes. At this point I was being wheeled into the operating room, and she just kept talking to me about my mom - and I was totally at ease. She was amazing. The guy eventually got my IV in, and all the while everyone was talking to me I hopped onto the operating table. The last things I heard were, "You are going to get more and more sleepy... they are putting your legs in thestir-ups now......". And I was out.

Next thing I knew they were waking me up. I was on a gurney again,in a different room, piled high with warm blankets andwearing these AWFUL mesh underwear that were half way down my butt in the back! I was so relieved for it to be over, I truly felt wonderful - and I was just praising God. All I could think about was just getting back to Ryan!

Finally, two girls wheeled me back up to our room where he was waiting for me. We spent a few hours there to recover, and they served me supper (a LOVELY salmon sandwich, weak tea, fat-free pudding and milk). At about 5:30 we were able to go home, and I honestly felt really, really good. It was all over, baby was with God, and we could move on - and likely go to Maui still! We ended up going to a friend's place for the evening to celebrate the New Year - which Ibelieve can only get BETTER from this point onward.

So that is the story of how I found out that the baby had died. For anyone that ever has to face a D & C, or knows someone else who has to, I can say with honesty that it is not too horrible a procedure. It is fast and painless. I had a few days of cramps and pain - but of course we were travelling and flying and that could have made it worse.