Some News

Hey! I just wanted to stop in here and let you know that there's going to be a new addition... to our yard! Plans are drawn up and soon we will start the adventure of building a new home. I will try to keep little updates coming about the progress - we are so excited about it! But for now, here is a glimpse of the front of the house as we hope it will (sort of) look when it's done...

Too Blessed to Blog

I've stopped many times over the last year or so to think about why I feel I can't blog anymore. Even writing this post is tough. I'm just not into it anymore. I've gone through so many different aspects of it - the stress I was feeling about "having" to blog, the anxiety I was experiencing while having a baby and a toddler (they were not the cause of the anxiety, but dealing with it while taking care of them was rough), and then the competitive side of me that got upset when I didn't feel that I had enough comments on my post. I really disliked that the response my posts were getting was starting to reflect on how I was feeling about myself.

I went through a phase where I was even bitter - because I felt that my blog got the most attention when I was in pain (through my miscarriages), and felt that I was only considered interesting when I was hurting. And then I felt a little annoyed that I was also only interesting when I was pregnant. What about all that is in between? When I'm not suffering, or when I'm not pregnant? How about the every day life? I wondered who was interested in THAT part of me - which really makes up a lot more of my life than these other parts!

The truth is that since I've let go of the blogging, a few things have changed and for the better.

One, I don't judge myself or the validity of my thoughts and feelings based on what OTHERS think (and therefore, comment). This is huge for me. I have learned to trust God more. I go to Him more often with these thoughts than running to my computer to put them on the web. I no longer get anxious or upset about the lack of comments. I really have come to peace with the fact that my blog had become a gauge of my popularity and wasn't for me anymore.

Two, I spend more time away from the computer. Yes, Facebook and other things still draw me to it - but I can look at those in a minute, while blogging required me to sit down and focus. I miss the blog days, of reading about everyone's lives, etc. However, I appreciate the quick glances into peoples lives via Facebook. The time I don't spend on the computer is time well spent, I think.

Three, the only thing I want to blog about these days is my kids. And because I find that I want to come on here and just gush and gush about them - I decided that I'd rather invest that time in THEM, and not you (sorry, still love you though!). I begged God for these blessings, and the LAST thing I want to do is turn my back on them and ignore them! Not that blogging really caused them neglect, as I tended to blog once they were in bed for the night. However, I would still find myself working on my posts during the day, while they would be clinging to my legs and trying to press the keyboard buttons. So perhaps when they go to school I will be able to pick up my blogging again.

Four, I found that I actually would THINK in terms of a future blog post. I would do things and react to things, and take photos of things merely for the sake of blogging about them - and was finding it harder to just enjoy the moment, instead of how I was going to document it. Yes, I think blogging was becoming a problem for me! Blog-a-holics Anonymous anybody?

Five, I was beginning to miss anonymity. I don't want to be unknown, but there were parts of my life that I felt had been over-publicized I think. This was completely self-inflicted. But I like getting together with friends, and then be able to tell them something going on in my life that they HAVEN'T already read in full detail on my blog. Sometimes these life glimpses are still caught on Facebook - but not the raw openness of blogging about it. I like being transparent, but I think there is value in being able to tell people about things going on with me face-to-face. We're losing a lot of the verbal communication we once had. Like the phone. So when I started to feel a little bare, and found myself wanting to run and hide, I realized that it was within my control to cover up and get that privacy I was missing. It's great to be transparent, but there is also huge value in being private.

I still often reflect about my quest (into) through motherhood. My blog still has purpose to me, and I will come back to it. Motherhood has changed me drastically. I knew it would, but I never knew it would change me like this. The changes are all good. As I learn to focus my time and energy on my kids, it also helps me focus on Who gave them to me. I feel so blessed... too blessed to blog. There are not enough words, nor time, to really do justice to the feelings I have for my God-given gifts. James and Rayya are worth every second of the things I am missing out on in the blogging world.

December Edition

Well, it's official. I don't really blog anymore! I have so much to say that I can't seem to put it all into tangible thoughts that are worth blogging! But we're enjoying life, and we've been busy! I know that what you all want to know about is the kids, so here is a little update on their lives.

James

James loves preschool, and the fact that he is now four. He usually introduces himself as James Kennedy Plett, "and I'm four now". While on vacation recently, I told him it was Tuesday and he was mortified that he was missing preschool! Thank goodness we didn't miss any actual days of preschool! He is still into playing with Disney Cars toys, and when he didn't get something related to that at Christmas he would very openly express his disappointment. He did get a few new cars and trucks from the collection, and plays with them every day. His favourite show on TV is Cat in the Hat. He loved being in Maui again, particularly getting to see his cousin Emily and catching geckos. He complained every day that we went to the beach, but then he never ceased to have a BLAST once we got there (he would have preferred the "three deep pool" which he means to say "three foot deep pool"). James is struggling with listening, and that's been our latest thing to really crack down on. He is still having a hard time eating a variety of foods, so if you have any suggestions - please send them my way! He loves to play his Vtech Mobigo as well, which was a toy he got for Christmas - but mostly for on the plane and in restaurants. He astounds us with his abilities, especially to remember things, and his absolute love for numbers. The laughter around our household is usually also related to James - and either something he's created, something he's said, or experimentation with a new word that sounds far to advanced for a four year-old. James recently overcame a fear of going to Heaven when he was told that our yellow house with purple doors would be there, and that it could have a built-in waterslide. The only thing he still isn't sure about is why Jesus is invisible. This dude is hard to get a picture of these days - he's so busy, and isn't too keen on being in photos.

Rayya

Our little sunshine never stops making us smile. She is so easy going, pleasant and makes us laugh with her bright, super happy personality. She now is officially walking - and has experimented with high speed walking, as well as jumping. She is slowly beginning to talk more and more - though often her "babble" comes out sounding just like what we think she might say in any given situation, which makes us think that she might be communicating more than we give her credit for. However, there are a few things we do know that she says clearly, which are hi, bye, Mommy, Daddy, James, kitty, puppy, yes please, and apple. Rayya makes friends wherever she goes - and smiles at nearly everyone she meets. She is best known for comments about her blonde hair. Apparently seeing such blonde hair is rare! She loved being on vacation in Maui - and we can't think of any time on our trip that she was unhappy or even discontent. This is a good thing, because we have another trip coming up - where she will be walking down the aisle in front of her new Aunt 'Cedes (Mercedes). Rayya is attached to her soother and favourite blanket, loves teddy bears, babies, puppies and kitties, and giving big hugs! She is always happy to greet us with a squeal - even if we've only been gone for a few minutes. Rayya enjoys playing with our play kitchen, James' cars, and pretending that various items are telephones. It's easy to capture Rayya's pretty smile - because she loves the camera, and is always happy to say "cheeeeeese" whenever she sees it.

Picture Post!

Can't Think of a Title

I have SO much on my mind tonight! I don't know where to begin! I guess that I could start by saying this:

I would SUCK at being a missionary.

Though you might be laughing at this, it's the truth. Yes, I can be a missionary right where I am - but I don't mean like that. I mean I would suck at being a missionary for a living. I just get too upset. I can't handle it when people clearly hear the Word, the invitation to know Jesus, with good... no, GREAT... explanations of faith and all that, and yet they just turn their backs on it and walk away. I just get upset. I'm not mad at them, though if I said what I wanted to say in those situations they would probably think I was mad at them. The truth is that I'm actually just scared for them. Scared of their future - their eternity. It's become abundantly clear day after day that we aren't here forever. We all have a numbered amount of days to our lives. Mine might be tomorrow. Maybe even tonight. When is yours? When is your number up? Are you walking along in life, hoping that at just the right moment you will give your life up to God - in the hope that He will save you? He will save you, you know? But what if you don't get that moment? See... I get too upset.

Lately the faith questions, and the opportunities to stand up for what I REALLY believe have been numerous. In some ways, I want it to go away. I don't want to hurt people - but I have to speak the truth. The truth? We don't all just get to Heaven by being good. It just doesn't work like that. And more truth? There is a devil, and hell, and evil and demons. They are real. They are at work. They want you to be down there with them. They would love that.

The good of it all is that it's become clear to me more than ever that I have grown in Christ. I DO feel confident that I know Him. I feel confident to express what I believe He wants others to know about Him. I clearly see that my own beliefs are based on His Word, and that they are truth. They ring true to me because the Spirit is in me - and He guides me. That is something I never knew that little old me would ever experience. I feel strong in what I believe about God. And it makes me so incredibly joyful! The opportunity to question my own belief system, and come out feeling stronger about it than I did before is priceless. I just absolutely wouldn't change a thing about what I believe... or at least the core of my faith anyway. It feels good to feel solid and confident in this. It's all I want to live for, and pass on to my kids. Everything else really means nothing.

So while I am at times feeling overwhelmed with fear for the eternal lives of friends and family, I am also feeling more at peace within myself. This I think is a really good thing. I know there is so much more that I could write about this, but I'd fill pages! And no one would read it.

"For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere. "
Ephesians 6:12-18

Nightmares

Can you tell me if this happens to you? I go through periods of time where I cannot get rid of nightmares of bad things happening to my children, in which I'm rendered either helpless, or have to choose which one to save, or if I'll save myself and not them, etc.

It's definately the most horrible thing I've ever experienced as far as nightmares go. They started when James was a baby, and last for a few nights in a row and then go away (thank goodness). Even prayer doesn't always get rid of them - trust me, I've tried! They haunt me like nothing else can - and the visions stick in my mind all day.

PLEASE DO NOT keep reading if you are prone to these types of things as well. I just want to give you an idea of the nightmares I have. You can continue reading at the bottom.

Nightmare 1: Me and the kids survive a crash that lands us in a river in our van. I have to come up with a way to unbuckle them from their carseats, open the door, and swim to the surface holding both of them.

Nightmare 2: One or both children are kidnapped. Enough said.

Nightmare 3: I'm in a situation of the end times, where Christians have to profess to know God or deny Him. If I say I know Him, I will be expected to watch as horrific tortures are performed on my children.

Nightmare 4: One of my children has been kidnapped, and while in Winnipeg, I see him/her in the backseat of the car next to ours at a stop light. I get out of our car, and try to get them out - but the car doors are locked and it begins to get away.

In each of these nightmares, I'm left with the haunting visions of the last moments of my children's faces looking at me. I usually wake up and cry. I pray for our safety, and that I'll never be in a position where I would have to endure this kind of pain. Sometimes when the nightmares have been bad enough, I get up to go check on the kids and pray over them. Other times I have got on my knees, and prayed till morning. I'm going to continue to pray against these nightmares. Thankfully for now they seemed to have passed.

The Sequel III

Can't believe I'm posting this, it's horrible...

The original posted here, The Sequel posted here, and The Sequel II posted here.

James - 4 years

Okay, so he's still three days shy of being four. I was worried that I might not get a post in for him, so here goes... hope I can keep my tears away for this one!
As if he's four. As if. For some reason four is hitting me so much harder than three. Maybe because four means he is in preschool now, which starts the new thirteen year journey through school - and the beginnings of less of me, and more of his friends... and their influences. But that being said, James loves preschool! He is sometimes overwhelmed by the routine - and would like to keep doing the "fun" things and not so much of the "boring" things. He likes the free time, craft time, and snack time. Sometimes he likes story time. He doesn't like the singing (though I've caught him singing a few times). He also loves it when they go outside, but that is likely coming to an end now.
James is addicted to numbers. He loves ANYTHING and EVERYTHING with numbers. He loves cars with numbers on them, the number foamy things we have for the bathtub, our number magnets, his calculator, the phone... and sometimes he'll just sit and type numbers on the computer. He likes to ask me what certain number combinations are, like "Mom, what is a 1 and a 3 together?", "That's thirteen". This can go on for LONG periods of time. He also loves watching "Number Jacks" and has a favourite puzzle at school that is numbers. We have some wipe clean books, and he always does the pages with numbers. We wonder what this number fascination means for his future? Stock market trader?
If you have me as a friend on Facebook, you know that James also has funny things to say almost daily. The other day we drove past the Winnipeg Mint, and I told James they made coins there. He asked if we could go inside, and I said we couldn't that day but maybe another day. He groaned, and then said "I always wanted to go to the place where they make chocolate coins".
James also recently announced that he is no longer eating anything but Kraft dinner, and peanut butter and jam sandwiches. Really, this isn't too far out from his current diet. I can't get this kid to eat - particularly meat and veggies. Most days I try to make sure my meals include SOMETHING that he'll eat - but I'm getting tired of it. When I do try to make him eat new things (or things he just doesn't want to eat) he gags and pukes. So this is quite a problem, and I still don't know what to do about it. Thank goodness he'll eat fruit, and milk.
James is still the most sensitive and loving little boy I've ever known. He often will say for no reason at all that he loves me, or comes to give me a hug because he thinks I need one. He tells me that I'm beautiful, and that I smell good. He cares when he sees me upset, and cries when his little sister gets hurt. He adores his friends, and is loyal to them like no other. I hope and pray he will love Jesus like that someday!
So we'll see what the Fabulous Fours will bring! I hope it's his best year yet - with many more stories to tell.

Jesus Is the ONLY Way

Some of the core and foundational roots of what I believe as a Christian have been questioned recently. The verses below are the Scriptures that I believe to be truth, and that state with authority that Jesus is our Saviour. Without Jesus, we are not saved. But with that, it's also important to me that people understand that we are not here to judge. I don't know anyone's heart but my own. However, I want to speak the truth, I do not want to deceive, and I don't want anyone living in blatant sin to think that I approve. You need to believe in Jesus. You need to know Him. There is NO other way to Heaven.

Isaiah 43:10,11 - “You are My witnesses,” says the Lord, “And My servant whom I have chosen, That you may know and believe Me, and understand that I am He. Before Me there was no God formed, Nor shall there be after Me. I, even I, am the Lord, and besides Me there is no Savior.”

John 5:23 - that all should honor the Son just as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent Him.

John 8:24 - “Therefore I said to you that you will die in your sins; for if you do not believe that I AM He, you will die in your sins.”

John 9:35-38 - Jesus heard that they had put him out; and finding him, He said, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?” He answered and said, “And who is He, Lord, that I may believe in Him?” Jesus said to him, “You have both seen Him, and He is the one who is talking with you.” And he said, “Lord, I believe.” And he worshiped Him.

Acts 4:12 - “Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”

2 John 1:7 - For many deceivers have gone out into the world who do not confess Jesus Christ as coming in the flesh. This is a deceiver and an antichrist.

1 Peter 2:24 - “who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we having died to sins, might live for righteousness - by whose stripes you were healed.”

Philipians 2:5-8 - “Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore also God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those who are in heaven, and on earth, and under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

Revelation 1:17-18 - “Do not be afraid; I am the first and the last, and the living One; and I was dead, and behold, I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of death and of Hades.”

There could be many more added to this list - but these are some of my favourites. I wish I was better at memorizing, so that I could pull these out whenever I needed them.

Death Will Do That

When a soul is snatched away from earth, there is an emptiness in the air that you can almost feel. It's like the spirit realm has to rearrange itself, making room for the new soul - and the air surrounding us has to adjust to one less body breathing it in. Have you ever felt that? The feeling that there is a presence, and yet a complete lack of presence when someone dies too soon, unexpectedly?
Our community is facing that kind of emptiness this week. A dear friend, and mother, and wife, and sister, and grandma, was snatched away from earth this week in a car crash. There is such a heaviness here - you can feel it. Faces are not bright when you meet in the store. Eyes are swollen, faces drawn, shoulders hunched. There is some rejoicing - she gets to join the son she lost in heaven. But down here, she will be missed greatly. This was a woman who loved. In everything she did, there was love.
That's what I hope I'll bring to this earth. I hope I exude love. I hope that when I die people will say, "She really knew what it meant to love". So here's my love you... can you feel it? I'm trying to pour it out to YOU. I love you. You are special to me. God loves you. You are special to Him.
Oh, and Marj, when you get to heaven, can you hug my babies for me?

Speaking of Growing Up Too Fast...

She walks! Well, almost.

Don't Grow Up So Fast!

I admit that sometimes (and maybe more than usual lately) I have been wishing for James to grow up. His latest issues are exhausting, and some days I just don't know if I'm going to get through the day in one piece! But today I took a little stroll down memory lane, and looked back to a post I did on this same day two years ago. This little video got me all teared up. Where has the time gone?! That little voice... I miss it already! Thank goodness there are lots more years of James being little yet to enjoy!

Feeling Like Me Again

It feels so incredibly good to feel like me again! Honestly, the last two months have been the first time since about February that I have truly felt normal. I am loving each moment, and have just been able to truly appreciate feeling genuine happiness, contentment, joy, peace, love... I thought that I had lost these things, and wondered if I would be trapped in that feeling of a mental whirlwind forever. I knew it was just going to be a matter of time - and the right combination of circumstances - that would eventually get me out of that rut. That, and God.

I have diligently been doing my Bible study for the last two months - and some may say it's a coincidence, but I doubt it - that it's been one of the circumstances that has changed my life. This Beth Moore series we're doing on the fruit of the Spirit is phenomenal. I have started making it part of my daily routine - to pour out to God, and allow Him to fill me with the Spirit. I saw instant results. That's right - it was instant. Sometimes, in the words of Beth Moore, I have been able to "change my day" and at the same time "change my life". What an amazing tidbit of wisdom!

The fact that I can now blog is evidence of a change. I tried to blog over the last few months, but my mind was filled with so many thoughts - much of it negative - that I couldn't formulate my ideas, and would just sit blankly at the screen until I gave up. Now my mind is clear. I can focus. I get an idea, and then I find the right time to sit and blog it. I can feel the Spirit pushing my direction (not always, but a lot of the time), and sometimes even changing my responses to situations without me realizing what's happening! That alone seems to have made a difference within my marriage, and my responses to my kids.

So if you are part of a small study group - take "Living Beyond Yourself". Or start a group of women and take it. Or just do it for yourself. It will change your day... and your life.

P.S. I believe that this post was specifically written to impact someone. I was unable to post it for about a week now or more, and finally it worked - after I PRAYED that it would work. Not sure who you are, or in what way this is meant to be for you - but don't ignore the message! I hope you will be blessed!

My Jamers

James is just the greatest kid. Really. He is so encouraging, kind, and sensitive. He is a super stellar big brother! He's smart, and loves projects. He is always the first person to run up to me in the morning with a huge hug, a big "I love you Mom", and sometimes even "You smell sooooo good Mom". I couldn't be more in love with my little boy.

His sensitivity is mostly good - but it has it's downsides. I didn't think I would already be dealing with school-related teasing, but it has begun. How do kids just KNOW which kid hates being teased? And then why do they HAVE to test the boundaries of that teasing? Well, James is being teased at school, and it hurts him. He seems confused about why the one little girl that he like SO MUCH, and want to be friends with is saying mean things to him. My heart just breaks. They aren't serious offenses, but it's still hard to hear my little boy asking me what "scaredy cat" means. He didn't want to wear a costume for their class party this week, but I sent one along just in case. Apparently he wore it briefly for a photo - and in that short time span, this girl told him his costume was funny, "and she said it in a mean way". Wow, evil is just so prevalent - even in these young kids, who have grown up in wonderful Christian homes!

We've been praying for this girl EVERY night - and if I forget, James will remind me. I don't really know how to walk with him through this. I try to reassure him of our love, and that this girl's remarks aren't true, and that he can stick by the friends that are nice. But just like us as adults, the cutting words ring out in James' mind more than any of the encouraging words do. I hope he'll be able to get past this, and in some ways I hope he can toughen up - but only a bit! I love my sensitive, caring boy. What this girl doesn't realize is that someday James is going be a GREAT husband!

Three Little Birds

I didn't notice at first, but God has been trying to get my attention through a secular song for the last couple of months. I love music, and God often speaks very strongly to me through the lyrics of songs.
It came up the first time while we were away for September long weekend. We stayed at a resort, where they hold a talent night for the staff and guests. Two girls that were working there from Jamaica went up, and sang a Bob Marley song that I hadn't heard before. It's called "Three Little Birds". I listened to the song, but was distracted by something so I didn't hear God whispering to me to listen closer.
Considering I had never heard that song before, I was surprised when a few weeks later I turned the radio on in the van and heard that song come on! I don't often listen to that station, but had decided I wanted a change of music. We were all in the van together, Ryan, the kids and I. Suddenly, the lyrics of the song took on a whole new meaning. God whispered, "This is for you". Who knew He could speak through secular music?!
Since then, I have heard the song on that same station two more times, and have listened to it often on YouTube. Each time I get goosebumps, because I know that this song is God speaking directly to me. The words are simple, and repetitive, but that doesn't take away from the message He wants me to know.
The "three little birds" lyrics stand out to me too, in three ways. In one way, they represent to me my three miscarriages. In another way, they seem to symbolize the three children we'd like to have. But they also stand out to me as representing the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I hope you can be blessed by the song too!

Workin' On It...

The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives:

love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Rayya - 13 Months

Every time I write about Rayya I get all teary-eyed, and sappy. I guess it's because we just didn't really know if we would get to have her... and now we do. It's a gift that never gets old. A blessing that we are reminded of every second of every day.

Rayya has 7 teeth - and really knows how to use them! She LOVES table food, and eats ANYTHING. It's amazing! She hates it if anyone is eating in front of her, and will beg until she gets to have a taste. Some of her favourites are noodles, bananas, sweet potatoes, pears, and ham. She is also working on using a sippy cup, and we're slowly seeing the end to the day of bottles.

Rayya is nearly 95% happy. Even her bad moods are quite laughable really! She'll cry when she gets hurt - but only ones that hurt a lot. She's pretty tough. James is fabulous with her - but every now and then she still gets toppled. I think James usually takes it harder than she does!

She loves walks in the stroller, and crawling around in the grass outside. Because she'll eat anything, I have to watch her pretty closely! She isn't a big fan of being in her carseat for very long though. Unlike her big brother, she REFUSES to sleep in the car, unless she is so tired that she can't stay awake any longer.

Rayya smiles and laughs a lot, and gets lots of attention for her very blonde hair and very blue eyes. She's a heartbreaker! She also has her mommy and daddy wound around her little finger. Perhaps it's the way she makes us feel like a million bucks with her squeals of joy when she sees us. Or maybe it's all the love and cuddles, and roly-poly playing that makes us feel that way. What a joy she is!

Rayya still isn't walking. She will only walk holding my fingers, and ONLY mine. If anyone else tries to walk with her, she flops to the floor. She also walks on her knees sometimes, which looks hilarious! She jumps on her knees too - trying to mimic James when he's on the trampoline. She just started standing on her own in the middle of the room recently - but will only do it if James and I are there, and no one else is around. I hope she walks soon -though she is extremely fast crawling! We call her "Turbo".

Rayya seems to be in transition right now with her naps. Up till now she was still having an hour long morning nap, and a 1-2 hour afternoon nap. Lately she is fighting both naps, and waking up quite early. She can skip her morning nap for a day or two, but by day three she needs one. So, we're trying to figure it out, and hopefully soon we'll be down to one nap a day. I like having a morning that is nap-free!

So that's my Rayya. She is a sweet little, dainty thing - and super fun to be around!

Thinking Out Loud

I guess I'm not really thinking out loud so much as I'm putting my thoughts on screen. Whatever. It doesn't matter - you know what I mean, right? I don't like it when people get hung up on saying things EXACTLY as you mean them. If you get it, then why correct it.
On to next thought...
I feel so bad for little Rayya in that where I documented James' every move and milestone of his first few years of life, Rayya is lucky to get a post on her significant monthly milestones! Poor gal! It certainly isn't because she is any less loved... but perhaps because the love has grown in our household to the point that I can't spend as much time away from my kids. I like to be with them and available to them - and not feeling the pressure to blog about them anymore. It's been good for me to lose that "burden" of feeling that I had to blog. I was afraid to lose my audience - which I know I have to some extent - but thanks to Facebook and emails, I don't feel out of touch at all. One thing to like about FB I guess.
On to next thought...
My lack of blogging is somewhat due to some other issues though. One being that my internet connection isn't always great. It's free, so I'm hardly complaining about it's malfunctions - but if its windy, if its rainy, if its too cold, if its too hot, my connection continuously fails. Argh. Annoying. But it's sunny, and not windy today, so my connection is good.
On to next thought...
My lack of blogging has also been due to the fact that I've been unmotivated - which has been one of the side effects of being heavily affected lately by high anxiety. I've been experiencing frequent periods of very high anxiety since Rayya was 5 months old - and suspiciously also the same time that I had to stop nursing. There have been moments when I have feared that I will never get to be the old me again. I've always had an anxious side to me, but not like this. Not the way I've felt it now. It builds up over a few days, and then hits a peak that can last 2-5 days. During those peak days I feel I can barely function. My thoughts whirl through my head a mile a minute, and I can't even keep up in a normal conversation. I isolate myself. I can't cook. I can't keep my patience up very long (meaning regular trips to grandma's house for sanity breaks). It's really been unpleasant.
I saw my OB about it, and she did a full panel of hormone tests. They all came back normal. Eventually, Rayya started sleeping through the night on a regular basis - and the anxiety improved quite a bit. But even one or two nights with interupted sleep, and I am back to a freak of nature.
Since then, I have established a timeline for the anxiety - which lines up perfectly with my cycle. Anxiety builds up leading up to ovulation, and then goes down, then gradually back up again leading up to menstruation and lasting for nearly that entire cycle and then down. So I can somewhat predict my worst times now, which helps. Right now I am in a very good part of the cycle, and have had very little to no anxiety during the last week. It could be that it's going to finally go away (the OB thought perhaps that my hormones were still adjusting after quitting nursing). Or maybe it's because I'm learning to be filled with the Spirit instead of with anxiety.
On to next thought...
My Bible study is taking a Beth Moore series on the Fruits of the Spirit, called "Living Beyond Yourself". We're just getting into it - but already it's been helping me "change my day", and "change my life". Beth talks about how we are to "pour out" to God each day, so that He in turn can "pour into" us. I've made it a challenge to myself to do this every morning - and wow - I have seen a complete 180 degree turn in my mood, my energy level, my attitude - my entire day is changed! It's been fabulous! Even my anxiety stands no chance against my new Spirit-lead lifestyle. I have hardly felt the effects of anxiety since I started this new daily ritual.
So perhaps this new change in my life, and the banishment of anxiety from my daily living will help me find the time and motivation to keep blogging. Perhaps there is more that I can share about our lives that can encourage you and bless you, and hopefully entertain you as well!

She's One!

We waited. We prayed. We waited some more. Somedays, we almost lost hope. But then, there she was... our beautiful, perfect baby girl.And now, one year later, she is even more beautiful, and even more perfect. She makes us laugh, makes us smile, brings us joy, makes us proud, and rounds off this little family of four like a jewel to a crown. She is our miracle. The baby we begged for, and God blessed us with. She is our Rayya, and we are so happy to be able to say "Happy first birthday Rayya! May there be many, many more!". Love, Mommy & Daddy

Rayya - 11 Months

I sat down to write this post about Rayya, and instantly welled up with tears. Note to self: "Do not post monthly updates about the kids with PMS". I am an emotional person at the best of times, so this particular time of the month is even worse!

Eleven months of having Rayya in our lives has honestly been EASILY the best eleven months of my entire life. I am living my dream. In my dream I lost my patience a lot less though, and somehow the housework and cooking get done on their own. But besides that, and a few other bumps in the road that I am dealing with, life couldn't really get much better!

Just over two years ago now I clearly heard God say, "You are carrying the baby that your heart desires. SHE will be strong, and SHE will be courageous". I can't type that without tears - joyful, thankful tears. Though the timing was not in our hands, and the time between hearing those words and having a healthy baby girl placed into my arms was long, it was worth every second of waiting. I love that Rayya's name reminds me daily of the gift that she is.

Rayya - "to no longer be thirsty"

Katherine - "Pure"

Faith - "confident belief or trust in the truth"

The past 11 months have flown by faster than any other time in my life. We've been busy, mainly with just the everyday things that families do. I can say with all truthfulness that being a mommy of two has been the hardest, most challenging, overwhelming, and sometimes gut-wrenching, faith-testing thing I've faced. On the other hand, I could not be happier. I have a little boy, and a little girl - every moment is precious.

Rayya is a beautiful child - and she possesses the qualities that God told me she would have through-and-through! She is STRONG and she is COURAGEOUS! These qualities will probably be more beneficial in the future - as right now they just get her into all sorts of trouble! Emptied drawers, baskets, and a continuous quest to get up the stairs before I can catch her are all part of the regular daily activities! She wants desperately to chase and run away from her big brother - so she spends much of her time working on standing. So far she only gets to jumping on her knees, but is also getting around on the furniture too.

She has (knock on wood) also been sleeping good twelve hour nights for a couple of months now! Praise the Lord! We all needed that sleep - and now I am feeling a lot more like me, and not a walking mess anymore. This girl also refuses to be fed - and HAS to feed herself. One word - messy. I think we need a puppy, just so that all the food on the floor doesn't go to waste! At this point I think we're just getting used to walking around with crumbs stuck on the bottom of our feet (ick).

Rayya loves her big brother to pieces. She follows him everywhere (if she can keep up) and wants to be doing whatever he is doing. When she gets her way and he lets her play with his things she's happier than a "pig in a mud puddle". She loves all things dirty - crawling in the grass eating twigs, dirt, sand, water - nothing slows her down. She loves swimming with daddy, being carried around by mommy, playing with grandma, and giggling at her grandpa. She has even proved to be a good traveller as we recently flew to Calgary for a few days. She handled the transition quite well.

I don't want to get too sentimental - due to my emotional state - but Rayya brings us joy like nothing we've ever known. God has been gracious to us - and we are so thankful to Him. He knew what He was doing, and has proven to us again and again that we can trust His ways in FAITH.