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F.R.O.G.

*NEW* Update at the end of this post!

I love it when God gives me one of the those ever appreciated slaps upside the head! I got one yesterday, and although I know I will likely need a reminder again, I sure hope that I've learned my lesson this time. It's pretty incredible that God chose to give me a miraculous answer to prayer in order to teach me this particular lesson. When will I ever learn to just trust Him, and stop relying on my own (failing) knowledge?!

As you may have gathered, if you read my blog regularly, James is not exactly a champion night sleeper. Over the past few months his nights have seemingly gone from okay, to not great, to pretty bad. We were feeling pretty tired, and it's been taking a toll on us emotionally, physically, socially... and for me, spiritually. This sleep-deprivation problem became magnified this week as James came down with a bad cold, began teething hard core, crawling, etc. I don't believe I got more than about 3 hours of (unrestful) sleep over the last week. We were both, to term, absolutely exhausted - almost to the brink and teetering on complete melt down. This is NOT a good state for any parent to be in at all. I kept praying for sleep, and each night I would crawl into bed with dread in my heart for the up-coming night. Anxiety would keep me from falling into sleep, and before long James was awake and crying - and the night adventures of sleeplessness would begin again.

Yesterday afternoon I went on a walk with my amazing neighbour and friend Rebekah, and she prayed with me about the problem. I felt slightly lighter as I made my way home, and just asked God to help me make Him a part of the rest of my day. As I walked through the yard, I decided that I would eliminate ALL medications for James that day. I would also make sure he didn't get any other sources of sugar. I had sort of figured lately that the meds were making him hyper, and he had also been getting a lot of unauthorized sweet treats from grandparents lately too.

Around 8:00pm I began to get that lump in my throat as the dread of the night started to sneak into my soul. Aloud I told Satan to stop attacking my mind, and immediately I felt that I needed to go to James' room. I stepped into his room, and almost felt the hand of God Himself push me to my knees. I sat on the floor and weeped, and asked God to be present in that room. Again, I asked God out loud to get rid of all evil in that room. I prayed and quoted Scripture over James' crib, asking God to make it free of sickness, fear, and insecurity. I asked that his room be filled with the peace of God, and angels of protection. I prayed in his room for about 45 minutes, and was left with a four-word phrase that I had heard many years ago - "Fully Rely On God". You may remember the days of W.W.J.D., and one of these such phrases was F.R.O.G. I went to bed, and had continuous urges to feel anxiety, but I would say to myself "fully rely on God, fully rely on God". I fought Satan's attacks on my mind, and with God's help, I fell into a GOOD sleep and decided to let God be in charge of the night.

I woke up around midnight to a silent house. Before I had a chance to fret, the phrase came into my head "fully rely on God". I stopped my negative thoughts, chastized Satan for tempting me to worry, and went back to sleep. I woke again at 2:00am, to a silent house! I went back to sleep. Finally, at 3:00am I actually awoke to James' soft crying - but Ryan was on his way in with a bottle. James was quiet within minutes, and back to sleep quickly. I fell back to sleep. My next awakening was at 6:50am, when James woke up for the day. He played happily in his crib until 7:15am, when I went in to get him and brought him into our bed to play.

PRAISE BE TO GOD - THE HEALER, THE MIRACLE MAKER, THE CREATOR - MY SAVIOUR!

I can only hope and pray that we continue to improve our sleep, and James' nights. I am going to do the same thing again tonight, and just hand over this problem to God. Please pray that I will not be discouraged even if tonight does not go well. I hope I've encouraged you today to F.R.O.G. It worked for me!

UPDATE: Once again, I prayed over James' room last night. James went to bed at 8:30pm, and woke up at 11:00pm for a bottle. He had a little bit of a tough time getting back to sleep, but finally was asleep by 12:00am. He slept until 6:00am, and then was up on-and-off until about 6:45am. I caved in at that time and went to get him. All in all, a pretty good night once again! A bit of an early morning, but oh well!

8 Month Monkey

Wow - I wish I had more time and energy to post about my amazing 8 month old. Unfortunately, he has come down with a nasty cold, and has kept us up for almost a week now. He has started crawling. He has one tooth, and I think three more on their way. He is hilarious. He is still smiley and friendly as ever. He laughs a lot. He makes us laugh a lot. I've been trying to cherish these last few nights, thinking that someday he won't call out for me when he doesn't feel good. He's still so small, and yet I know that these days will pass quickly and I'll wonder where my little boy went!

I'm still very seriously thinking about shutting down the 'ol blog. It's draining me of precious time and energy, and yet I hate to miss out on the many friendships I've made. As I prayerfully consider what I need/want to do, I just ask that you please keep coming back to check in on us!

Sick Little Monkey

Last night was really bad, but at least I now know why! I put James to bed, and he seemed to go down relatively fine - but I did notice that he sounded congested. An hour later he was up, and he was crying very hard. I decided to let him cry a bit, thinking that I was finally going to "lay down the law". After 10 minutes I couldn't take it anymore, and he was coughing and breathing really hard - so I went in to rescue him. He fell asleep in my arms within a few minutes, so I put him back into the crib. He woke up the instant his head touched the mattress - so I attempted this three or four times before I finally had success. I had to prop him up on his side, and that worked. That was around 10:00pm. At 1:00am he woke up again, and again he was crying hard. The crying is unusual. His night wakings are usually just whining until he gets a bottle, so when he cries hard like that and has tears it means he's really upset. I went in and picked him up, but he wasn't even really awake. He kept his eyes shut, and just kept trying to bury his head into my neck. I felt so bad for him - he sounded extremely congested. Finally he fell asleep with his head on my chest, arms over my shoulders. It was really priceless, and although it was 1:30am I didn't want to put him down. I kept telling myself to cherish the moment. Someday he'll be too big to sleep on me like that! I carried him around like that until 2:00am, and then got my hubby to help me set up his rocking chair to sleep in. The rocking chair has a "brake" so that it doesn't rock, and then he is at least propped up enough to breath easier. Once I finally had him in there, he slept until 7:15am!

So, this morning I took him to the Dr. to have his ears checked. Thankfully his ears are clear, but the Dr. did say that he may still have fluid putting pressure on his ear drums - and that could give him an ear ache. I gave him Tylenol for the discomfort, and Dimetapp to clear up his congestion and he seemed to be happier. Tonight I gave him a cough/cold medication, and put him to bed in his rocker again. I feel confident that we all may sleep pretty well tonight... and then when he is healthy again, I WILL lay down the law!

P.S. Thanks Erica for sharing with me how to do this cool effect on photos. I love it!

Just Venting... Again.

The last three nights have been almost the worst we've ever had with James since he was born. I just don't know if I can blame it on teething, or what?! He had a good night from Friday to Saturday. He was up only once between 11:30pm and 7:30am. Then we went to a cabin from Saturday to Sunday, and he was up several times between 8:00pm and 1:00am, and then finally slept until about 6:30am. I figured it was just the strange surroundings, and the playpen that he slept in. Then came Sunday night, which was really bad. He woke up numerous times throughout the night, and then woke up early. So then there was last night. He was up three times between 8:00pm and 2:00am, and at that point I told my hubby I was ready to just let him cry. I should mention that before bed I gave him teething tablets, and Motrin in the case he was having teething pain. My hubby didn't want to let him cry, so he went in at 2:30am and tried to give James a bottle. I should also mention that during all of these night wakings, James hasn't wanted a bottle or a soother - he is just awake, and upset. I fell into bed exhausted, and didn't hear anything until I woke up this morning. However, my hubby reported that James was up numerous times during the night after that - and he held him and let him sleep in his arms for a few hours. This is seriously NOT working for us right now!

In all other regards, James has been great. He naps well during the day (usually two 1.5-2 hour naps). He eats well, and is happy and content for most of the day. He seems to be going down relatively easily at bedtime, around 8:00pm. I know all of the usual suspects too: it's a habit for him, he is teething, he's gassy, etc, etc. He hasn't been gassy, and although it may be a habit - it's not a habit for him to be up THIS much!

I'm actually not really seeking advice this time around. I know that I need to just implement a plan and go with it - and be CONFIDENT in my decision. I don't want to let him cry though if he is having teething pain - but I find it curious that he would have that much pain even after the teething tablets and Motrin? I never imagined being this exhausted. I want to have fun and have energy to play with James during the day, but I feel like I am just dragging myself around. I know many people tell me this is normal, but it sure doesn't feel normal. In fact, it doesn't feel healthy at all - and I think it is even bad for our marriage at this point! Basically, I can say I am looking for comments from anyone who can relate. Don't tell me if you can't relate, because that isn't what I need right now! Where are you tired, not-sleeping-through-the-night mamas?! Let's join forces, and fight the evil lack of sleep!

Gazebo

I just picked up this new screened gazebo at JYSK this week. I was pretty stoked that it was on sale for $99.99! The mosquitos are so bad here I was never able to take James outside. Now with this nice little shelter, I will be able to play outside with him. Of course I woke up this morning and it was raining, so I can't even use it today! By the way, click here to enter into a draw for some really, REALLY cute onesies from Blessed Baby Blessing. I hope I win, so if you DON'T enter, I'll have a better chance. Hahaha! Just kidding, go and enter (and if you win you can just give me the prize).

James' New Trick

Sadly, he basically does this almost constantly now throughout the day. It was funny at first... This is also medium volume, and medium pitch. It fluctuates from low volume, low pitch to HIGH volume, HIGH pitch.

Just Had to Share

Thanks to Jeremy for sending us these great photos he took while we visited them last week. In the one where I am kissing James, if you look REALLY close at his mouth, you can see his little white tooth!

Self Doubt

I am having a bit of a complex this week. One of my greatest weaknesses is that I compare myself to others a lot, not physically, or anything like that - more often, I compare my accomplishments with others. I tend to be very competitive, but I do it somewhat quietly, and a lot of it is in my head. I get hurt easily and begin to doubt myself, especially if I think someone else is doing a better job at something than I am - and then I decide I should probably just quit. This is how I feel about my blog this week.

It may be hormones, but this week I just feel like giving up my blog. I feel like I have no time to read other peoples' blogs, and comment the way I would like to. I also have noticed that I am seemingly posting things here for an audience of about 5-10 bloggers. Maybe there are hundreds of lurkers, but I seem to have lost my initial motivation for blogging. I started it as a place to vent my feelings, and to record my pregnancy. It was just for me, and I didn't care if anyone read it at all. Now I feel like I am sort of doing it for response. If I get a lot of comments, I'm happy. If I get few, I'm discouraged. And then, if I go to another person's blog and they have tonnes of comments, I'm downright upset. This is craziness - and I don't think it's healthy!

So, don't suddenly feel like now you have to flood my comment box with comments! Hahaha! I just wanted to let you know that I may be shutting this part of my life down. Possibly permanently, maybe just temporarily, maybe not at all. But one of my other goals was to use my blog as a place to be real and open, and now I am sharing something that I struggle with. I am trying to give it to God, and see in what direction He will lead me with it. For now, I just thank those who have been walking with me on this journey up until now. I truly love each of you so very much, and your words over the last 2 years have been incredibly helpful and encouraging.

Sleep Update

Considering that we were just about to embark on our trip to BC, I decided to wait on letting James "cry-it-out" until we were home. It seemed unfair to expect him to start sleeping longer hours, and then mess it all up almost immediately with a trip. I also decided to go against my rule of "no books", and ordered two. These books are totally opposite of each other. I bought Dr. Ferber's book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems". The one I got in the mail just before we left is called "The No Cry Sleep Solution". The basic elements of the book are:

• Uncover the stumbling blocks that prevent baby from sleeping through the night
• Determine--and work with--baby's biological sleep rhythms
• Create a customized, step-by-step plan to get baby to sleep through the night
• Use the Persistent Gentle Removal System to teach baby to fall asleep without breast-feeding, bottlefeeding, or using a pacifier

I read the book while we were away, and I liked a lot of the ideas. I decided that I would try it when we got home. James slept really well on our trip though. Maybe it was just that he was so tired each night, or maybe it was that he liked knowing we were close by, but he did really well. Amazing, considering how many places we ended up staying for the night - and each one different than before. It also amazed me that he slept so well in a totally different time zone. He basically switched over to BC time on the first night.

Well, we got home on Wednesday night, and it was a little rough for James. I didn't blame him though, his day was pretty hectic - and we got home quite late. On Thursday night I wasn't ready to start my new sleep program (too tired from the night before), and we took him to his first Bomber game. Again, a really weird day for James - and a little late again too, but because he was on BC time, he did okay. I put him down to bed at 9:15pm (which would be 7:15pm BC time). I usually give him a bottle before bed, but he didn't really seem to want it. I put it away, and he fell right to sleep. We didn't hear from him again until 5:30am!!! I was SHOCKED! This was a pretty major deal - because he hasn't slept 8 hours since... it's been a long time!!! In fact, he hasn't slept more than 5 hours for the last few months. I am a bit suspicious if he has been waking up because of teething. His bottom two teeth just popped out past his gums this week... coincidence? Anyway, Ryan gave him a bottle - he nearly finished the 6oz. - and then slept until 8:00am! Beautiful.

Anyway, I don't want to get my hopes up. I put him down again tonight at 9:00pm, and he didn't even really want his bottle - he just wanted to sleep! I'm praying that we have turned a corner, and that we may be on to some better sleep in the near future.

Update: Last night wasn't great. James was up at 11:45pm, 2:30am, and 5:30am. On the bright side, he didn't seem to need a bottle to fall asleep. He would take his soother, but also needed to be rocked. He did also sleep until 8:15am again, which is nice compared to 6:00 or 7:00. Today we have kept him up almost all morning (as the day before he napped for almost 4 hours altogther), and just put him down for his first nap at 2:30pm. I'm hoping that if he naps less he may sleep a little better. He seems to be in good spirits, so we'll see...

BC Trip Update

Our trip to BC was really great. We sort of pulled it together very last minute, as my brother came home from Mexico and could look after Ryan's business for a week while we went away. So, off we went.

We flew to Kelowna, spent one night, and then drove from Kelowna to Vancouver. Being one to relish a moment, and totally forget my camera, I have no pictures to prove any of this. All my memories are in my head.


On the drive, we made a pit stop in Abbottsford so that we could meet Jamie, Micah and Keziah! It was so neat to meet them, and the best part was that it felt totally normal.

We spent a few days in Vancouver. We went to Stanley Park, and took James to the Vancouver aquarium. He seemed to like the big fish tanks.

Then we were back on our way to Kelowna again - which was not a great drive. We got stuck in some pretty heavy traffic, James wouldn't nap, and then we hit fog, and a big downpour. It wasn't fun.

Once we were settled in Kelowna though, things were much better. The weather was perfect, there were ZERO mosquitos - and great friends. Again, I took very few photos - but I caught this beauty of James and daddy, and we did snap a few at the Red Rooster winery, and on Canada Day at the beach.

I also got to fulfill a life-long dream of mine. I picked and ate cherries right off the TREE! It was amazing!

All-in-all James did awesome on the trip. By the second night he was totally on BC time, which is 2 hour earlier than here at home. However, the last two days of the trip and travelling home have really thrown off his schedule - so nights have been pretty rough. Oh, and I made a quick IKEA stop too. I didn't get much, due to limited luggage space - but I did pick up this thing for James, and he LOVES it! Fifteen dollars well-spent.

BC Trip

Hi everyone! We are having a fabulous time on our trip out here in BC. Unfortunately, I forgot to bring my camera cable - so I can't upload my photos right now. I will have to do a big post when we get home. We are currently in Summerland, which is near Kelowna. We are staying at a friends' place tonight, and then will be at the local Motel for the rest of our trip. James has been a total trooper, and really only complained yesterday during the 7 hour drive from Vancouver to Kelowna. It would not have been that long, but we got stuck in a traffic jam due to a car accident - and then ended up in some dense fog in the mountains, followed by a lot of heavy rain! Crazy!

AND James has sprouted two teeth! They are just peeking through his gums now - but definately can feel two little razors in there. He hasn't been too cranky about it, which is great. I've been using the teething tablets, and they seem to help.

Tonight we are having a BBQ here with a few other friends - which I'm really looking forward to. The view from the window I'm sitting next to is amazing - I wish I could share it with you.

See you soon!

A Great Week

Well, where to start? Let's start with Father's Day. James and I had a lot of fun celebrating Ryan, and his first Father's Day. Below is a picture of him and James in their matching Father's Day t-shirts.

Then, Uncle Matt finally arrived home from Mexico after being away for four months! He was so excited to see James, and they have been having a lot of fun together.

James also got to go in grandma and grandpa Plett's pool for the first time! He squealed with delight the whole time, and loved splashing in it. He also loved the floats that grandpa bought for him. We'll be spending many more afternoons there this summer.

I finally got my IKEA bedding set, and changed up our room for summer. I LOVE the change, and it only cost me $25.




On Thursday, Rebekah and I had the privilege of meeting one of our fellow blogging mommies - Erin, and her son Noah! Erin's blog is private, so I can't share the link. We had a great time together, and we hope to make it a regular practice! Her little Noah is SO cute!

AND... James is basically crawling! I can't believe how fast my little man is growing up. It's crazy! He is getting more and more mobile, which beats having him clanking his head every few seconds.

Thus, the crib had to be lowered this weekend. He is attempting to pull himself up, so we could no longer risk leaving it in the highest position. Ah, it seems like yesterday I was putting it all together - and now I am lowering it!

And, just to finish it off, I thought I'd post a pic of James' most favourite current toys.

Seven Months Old - Road Trip

Could it be that my little newborn babe is over half a year old now? Wow. I always heard people say "they grow up so fast", but nobody ever said "they grow up at the speed of light"! I can't believe how fast James is growing up. I can so clearly remember every detail of his birth (it was not traumatic for me at all, I enjoyed my labour and delivery immensely and can't wait to do it again), it seems like it was yesterday.

He is such an incredible kid. Ryan and I always say he is a great training baby - he is SO easy. Other than his nighttime sleep issues, this kid is almost too good! He is happy almost always, and is very easy to diagnose if he has problems. A good toy will cheer him up almost instantly, and has saved me on many occasions. Particularly during needles (he didn't even cry for more than 30 seconds at his 6 month ones), and when he face-plants while trying to crawl. James wants more than ANYTHING to be MOBILE! He is getting himself on his knees and hands now and rocking back and forth. His attempts at crawling so far have only resulted in going backwards, and some pretty painful forehead-meets-hardwood falls. He is trooper though, and he keeps on trying. He also loves to hold our hands and walk. He takes these huge steps that make us laugh every time.

He is loving solid foods, and eats literally anything. His biggest treats are anything that come off of our plates. He thinks that is the BEST! My mom just made him some yummy homemade food, and he loves it.

Happy seven months Monkey! Daddy and I love you so much, and we are so thankful that we have been blessed to have you in our lives for seven months.

We are leaving next week for a vacation. Does anyone have any tips for travelling (both by air and by car) for a bottle-fed baby? How many bottles do I bring? How do I prepare them on the road? How do I get them washed (bathroom sink)? Also, any tips on how to prevent and treat mosquito bites? I think there must have been one in James' room at night, because he has little red bites all over his bald little head. Can you use spray on them? How about After Bite?

Bomber Baby!

I was pretty surprised when I tried this outfit on James today, as the tag says 18 months! But it fits (with the legs rolled up). Daddy will be so proud of his Bomber baby! We can't wait to take him to his first game, unfortunately most of them are late evening games. I might just have to take him, and then leave early. The last game I was at I was nearly due, and I was huge, and I had to stop a few times getting up to our seats to huff and puff. I thought climbing all those stairs would put me into labour!

Too Personal

I just wrote a big long post pouring out my soul, and then realized that it probably wasn't right for me to "air out my dirty laundry" here on the WWW. Can I just ask for your prayers instead? I'm in a bit of a valley here, and I'm not sure which way to turn. Satan is attacking my heart, I'm hurting, and I need to know what to do. Any prayer will do - short and sweet - but could you just send one up when you are done reading this post? Your prayers have helped in the past, and I'm hoping they will help again.

I lift up my eyes to the hills—

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip—

he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you—

the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm—

he will watch over your life;

the LORD will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore.

~ Psalm 121 ~

Milk Dilemna II

I spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted to do regarding James' milk. I prayed about it too, and asked God to give me a clear sign of what I was supposed to do, and then to give me peace about my decision. In the back of my mind, I was kind of thinking that if James started to sleep better at night, I would feel that was my sign from God not to start whole milk - but I did not ask Him for that, and decided I would let Him be the judge as to how He would show me what I should do. Wouldn't you know that James had a good night that night! He didn't sleep through the night, but slept from 8:00pm - 8:00am with just two brief bottle wake-ups in between. The next night was the same, and again the same the following night. Praise God! My answer was clear, do not start James on whole milk yet. I also felt completely at peace about it, and I am so thankful that God answered my prayer for a sign. God is good, and I want to make sure He gets all the glory for His faithfulness to me!

On the downside, James seems to be napping less now. I don't know which I like better! The better nights, or the longer naps! He was napping two times a day for two hour stretches, and was very easy to put down. Now he seems to be napping for only half an hour, to an hour, and makes a fuss before falling asleep. The last two days he has also been spitting up a lot, so I think I will just go back to the regular 0-12 month formula, and take him off the 6-18 month one.

I've included a photo of yesterdays "mommy" lunch. Nice, hey? James has been loving being on solids. I don't think he has refused anything, except for the plain strained meats. Everything else he loves, and also loves getting little pieces of things off our plates. He still seems to prefer the organic fruit and vegetables. I am hoping to start making some of my own baby food now too, but so far I've been too busy, and a little too lazy to do it. I'll probably start with doing some meat and veggie mixes in the slow cooker. Does anyone have any recipes for that kind of thing?

Pics from James

Hi! Here I am taste-testing my crib. Check out my big blue eyes!

This is me with my grandma Kroeker.

Here I am chilling out in my high chair.

Ha! Ha! Ha! This is me being goofy!

Milk Dilemna

Alright, so here's the story... for the last three months, since James has been on formula, he hasn't been sleeping very great. He was napping awesome though, until about three days ago when he just stopped going down to nap easily. This is when I switched to the 6-18 month formula. Now I fight with him to nap, fight with him to take bottles, fight with him to sleep at least 4 hour stretches at night... fight, fight, fight. He is plenty happy though. He is almost ALWAYS happy. He is just hyper and active, and I feel drained by noon. So, my mom has been telling me that our family has a history of reacting with hyperactivity to the vitamins in formula. She even went to the point of calling the formula company, and asking them some questions. She also did a comparison of the formula to her daily vitamin. James gets almost the same, and sometimes MORE vitamins and minerals per day than my mom's daily supplement! My grandma's kids, my mom, my cousins, my brother and I all went on whole milk (mixed with water, and a little corn syrup) from a few weeks old. Of course, we all are FINE, with no allergies, etc. According to my aunt, when she finally switched my cousin from formula to whole milk at a few months old, she slept for a full 12 hours straight! Anyway, my mom is convinced that James will sleep better, and be less hyper if I switch him over to whole milk now, at 6.5 months. I am SO scared to try, because as you all know, the websites and books say NO whole milk until 1 year old. I just don't know what to do. I feel caught between what "they" say, and what my mom and my family is telling me. If I knew that it would do NOTHING to James, I would try it in an instant - in the hopes that he would relax more, and sleep better. I've prayed about it, and I don't feel like I am getting a clear answer. I haven't been able to get much sleep, as I stay up all night analyzing what I did that day, and what James did that day. I feel like I am sort of teetering on the brink of insanity. What would YOU do? My mom is sort of suggesting doing the whole milk for a 24 hour period to test her theory. Would you do it? I just hate that I am still so influenced by "the experts" to the point where I can't even trust my own mom. I'd love to hear from you guys on this one. I feel stuck.

Sleep, Oh Precious Sleep!

So... last night we took James over to my mom and dad's for a sleep over. I had to laugh at the amount of stuff I had to pack just for one evening, night and morning! We packed the playpen, baby monitor, food, bottles, blankets, diapers, clothes, extra clothes, toys, medications, bath stuff - it likely looked like we were going to leave him there for a month! However, I felt it was all necessary. We brought him over there around 5:30pm, and I gave my mom the "schedule" I had prepared - asking her to please stick to it as much as possible. She complied. So, we left. I missed him almost immediately, and wondered if he would sense abandonment. I knew he was having the time of his life though, and that he was in the best possible hands he could be in - besides my own. When we got home, I didn't really know what to do with myself at first. The house just felt so quiet! I wondered if it had really felt this way before we had James. I couldn't remember it being so quiet. In any case, we had supper and then went outside to work on the yard. I began to feel a little emotional about having left my son. I wanted to go back to say good night to him, kiss him one more time, tell him I love him, just make sure he was okay. I stopped myself though, and told myself to enjoy my time without him. It just felt weird to be responsible only for myself. I eventually went inside, and did cleaning that I usually can't do - like dusting James' room, and things like that. I also got the counter completely free of all dirty dishes! I couldn't believe I would wake up to a clear counter top! Ryan had rented a movie, but by the time we were ready to settle in for the night it was 11:00pm - and we realized we shouldn't spend our night without James by staying up all night! So, we had some relaxing time together and then went to sleep. I did wake up a few times in the night, but it felt nice to just be able to stay in bed. We slept in until about 8:30am, and I had a nice quiet breakfast. Finally, at around 9:30am I couldn't wait any longer and went to pick up James. Of course, he was all smiles when I got there. He had a totally "normal" night, and got up for my mom at the exact same times he would have at home. This was a relief to me - I would have been disturbed if he had slept through the night for her. He was a perfect angel for my mom. Wow! It was so great! Now we know we can rely on him being there for the night if we needed to. All in all, I am so glad we did it - I'm already looking forward to the next time, but I don't want it to be anytime soon. It's great to have the house noisy again! I definately thank God that life doesn't feel right without James there to be part of it. I wouldn't go back to that life for anything.