Four Years

Four years ago today we lost our first baby. Thinking about it four years later still brings me to tears, because I'll never forget how I feared that we would never be able to have children. It's for this reason that my heart aches for all those women who want children, or more children, and can't have them. For a short time in my life, I thought I would be that woman. For whatever reason, that was not the end of the road for our family. I'll never forget how painful it was to travel to Hawaii that year, knowing that I was empty inside. I had anticipated the excitement of sharing with others that I was pregnant. I couldn't go swimming, because I was bleeding - and everytime I noticed it, it would remind me that our baby was gone. Forever. Gone. Four years is a long time, and many good and perfect things have come to us in those years. However, the past pain is still there, deep in my heart. The wondering of why God would allow us to lose our first love, and many other questions still lurk there in the part of my heart where I store the memories of my little lost angel babies. At that time in my life, I bought this diamond cross to remind me of our first baby. I have little tokens like this for each of them. I still wear them with the fond memories of those first exciting weeks of knowing that they had existed inside me. And I thank God that I'll one day meet each one of them...