Struggles of the Milk Maid

Okay, not THAT kind of milk maid!
I was able to nurse James for about 2-1/2 months when he suddenly seemed to wean himself. He was unhappy at my breast, and would pop on and off and barely drink. By the time I finally just quit (without really consulting anyone for help), my milk supply was so low I didn't even experience any engorgement.

This time around I wanted my nursing experience to be different, and to last longer. I made sure I saw a lactation consultant in the hospital, and explained to her my previous experience. She showed me a few ways to nurse comfortably while lying down - as I had decided I would try co-sleeping with Rayya. I also decided ahead of time to "nurse through the pain", meaning that even when something wasn't going perfectly, I would still keep going. Well, eventually I had to put Rayya in her crib for night. She was sleeping decent stretches anyway, and I just wasn't able to sleep with her next to me.

Things seemed to be going smoothly in all regards. Rayya was a champion nurser - often finished in under 5 minutes, and sleeping well at night. I was so thrilled! Soon I started to notice that she was unhappy at my breast - this was a few weeks after my engorgement had subsided. I diagnosed the problem to be the very forceful let-down reflex I had - and after trying some new positions, she was back to nursing happily again. A few weeks after that, and my supply evened out and the forceful let-down seemed to decrease - or she just began handling it better. Again, she would fuss at the breast - and I noticed it was taking a little longer to have a let-down. I assumed she was unhappy with the fact that she now had to work for her meal, and figured she'd just get used to it.

From there, things have progressively gotten a little worse. Determined not to give it up, I've just been "nursing through the pain". Rayya began to cry when nursing on my right side - which up until then had been her favourite side. I would trick her by putting her soother in, and then quickly pull it out and replace it with the breast. She would pop on and off frequently, and I would have to somewhat manually stimulate the breast to have a let-down (TMI?). Once let-down happens, she nurses happily for a few minutes, and then I have to use compressions to keep her on a while longer. The fussing has grown worse, but I've kept going - using my "trick" technique at each feed on that side. This is particularly difficult if we go out, and I don't feel completely comfortable. Then it's virtually impossible to achieve a let-down, and it's embarassing when she is crying and constantly on-and-off the breast.

I don't claim to love nursing - but I WANTED to love nursing. I wanted to go for three months, and I've done that. Now I want to go longer. The supply is there. The ability is there. The desire is there. But at every turn, it feels that there is something stopping me from achieving my next goal of 4 months. I'm frustrated.

On the bright side, Rayya is happy, content, and thriving. There's no doubt that she is getting enough nutrition, and that is the main thing. However, this week she started fussing at the left breast as well. Thankfully I already knew how to trick her - so I am now using the soother trick at all feedings. In the night and early mornings I don't always have to use it when she's groggy. Then she just seems to be unconscious to the problem. During the day though we have to fight it out each time.

I had suspected thrush for some time now, but at a Dr.'s appointment a couple of weeks ago I had her checked and the Dr. said she had no signs of it. Today I am convinced it is thrush, though we don't have all the typical signs, we do have these:

• my nipples are itchy and sore (still TMI?)

• at times I feel a "pins and needles" sensation in my breasts

• Rayya has a slight whitish tinge to her mouth

• the obvious discomfort she has only when nursing

So, now I am trying to figure out the quickest way to get this fixed so that I don't have to end my milkmaid career. I SO do not want to quit yet. In fact, dare I say it... I think I am growing to love nursing. I want to continue. The directions I'm reading online to cure thrush looks daunting though - and with an unconfirmed success rate at that! Everything from creams, ointments, medications, oils, powders, herbs, purple dyes... you name it, and it seems like almost everything and anything COULD be a cure, but nothing IS the cure. I was sharing this frustration with a mom of four today at church. Her tried and tested recommendation is boric acid. I looked it up online to see how to use it, and found that it's used in rat poison. See, anything really CAN be a cure!