Weepy

I'm kind of weepy today, though I haven't actually shed any tears. It feels like they want to come out in torrents, but are blocked by a huge dam. I'm not entirely sure why. It seems like one thing, and a million things all in one.

I suppose I could get into it, but there are a lot of things that I won't go into "publicly" on the blog. Some days I just lack the support and encouragement that I need as a mom. I'm a "words of affirmation" kind of girl, and these days my "love tank" is running low on this - particularly from the people that I NEED to hear it from. I'm just down, because I know that I can't function at my usual speed and it's frustrating.

We dedicated Rayya in church on Sunday, and that was beautiful. I was somewhat emotional through it all, because it was just a year ago that I was baptized under the lights of that same Christmas tree. I didn't get baptized in order to "get" a baby, but I felt that God wanted me to walk in that direction in order to be healed of whatever was preventing us from having a second baby. It was one step out of many, but a year later, I was standing there with my baby girl in my arms - proud as ever!

In other news, I'm still trying to make heads and tails of my nursing situation. I started to take Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle tinctures, 2mls. three times a day. This is usually used for an increase in milk supply, but can also help to increase milk flow - with the hope that Rayya would be happier nursing. She definately was happier, and back to sleeping through the night... for a few days. Now the Fenugreek has built up in our systems, and we are seeing the warned side effects. She is crazy gassy, and painfully so - and also having some fairly explosive, green poops. Great. So, now I'll go OFF the herbs, back to the slow flow, and see what happens next! Hopefully the herbs have picked up the supply a bit, and once I go off of them Rayya will just keep it up and keep happy. Argh.

We've begun to get into the swing of Christmas over here. We've had one family gathering, my brother is home from Calgary, and we had Christmas with Ryan's parents last night. It's been good, but busy. The kids seem to be handling the hustle and bustle fairly well. The year before last it was all a bit much for James, who seemed to suffer in the sleep department for it. This year he is just going with the flow, and Rayya kinda just tags along. As long as she sleeps here and there, she stays relatively happy.

This coming weekend we have back-to-back family gatherings in the city. I had offered for both gatherings to bring something, if needed. I was a little surprised when my bringing something turned into dessert for 36 people for one day, and 6 pies (2 each of 3 different kinds, pumpkin, apple, and lemon meringue) for the other! Whoa. Thank goodness for M&M Meats, who will happily make all of these desserts for me, and all I have to do is swipe my Mastercard - and voila! I am just SO not up for making all of this from scratch, and I can't make a good pie to save my life!