Thinking about the Twins

A year ago today Ryan and I found out we had lost twins, which was the first pregnancy after James was born. I don't want to spend time thinking about that day, but I do want to think about what life might have been like right now if the twins had lived! First of all, it would be completely chaotic here! It's hard to imagine what it would look like to have two 5 month olds, and a two year-old. Hahahaha! I think God may have known me well enough to know that I may not have been totally able to handle that. However, He likely would have provided me strength to make it work - and I know I would have loved it. Our family would likely have been nearly complete, and we would probably be on the lookout for a new (larger) home - or at least drawing up the plans to build a new one. I wonder who they were - two girls, two boys, or one of each? I sometimes remember the vision I got of a boy and girl on Jesus' lap, so I like to think it was one of each. I am thankful that those little ones are with Jesus now, and I very much look forward to meeting my twins someday. It hasn't escaped my mind that perhaps that little fluke of nature could happen again... could I be carrying twins again this time? (The clothes in the photo are outfits I've bought for this baby, be it a girl or a boy).

I had an appointment with my Dr. today, and things appear to be going smoothly. It's still very much a "time will tell" situation. I have requested an early ultrasound, which she is looking into, but there are no promises that I will get a sneak peak at this little one.

Admittedly, I am not handling the anxiety very well. I am often overwhelmed with emotions, and concerns for this baby. Time seems to be ticking very slowly right now, but I know that come the 14 week mark things are going to drastically speed up! Ryan and I got to have a nice quiet lunch together today on our way home from the Dr. We discussed our plans to rearrange the house a little bit, so that James will have his own room upstairs. I am getting excited to make the changes - even though it will make things a little cramped in other areas of the house. I've always wanted to make my kid's rooms really special - and this is my chance. My favourite idea: making one of the crawl spaces in his room into a special playing area/hideout.

On Tuesday of this week my friend Jeryn and her son Hayden (also two), invited James and I to go to the Manitoba Children's Museum in Winnipeg at the Forks. We had a great time! I didn't really have the energy or ambition to go - but I was starting to feel sorry for James, and knew he needed the time out to do something fun and special. He loved it, as he usually does. I am glad I sucked it up and took him - he seems to be a little bit of a different kid since our day out.