When those near to me hurt, I hurt. Sometimes I wonder if I am actually feeling their true pain - if God has given me some kind of gift to literally and physically carry other's burdens. One burden I know all too well is the burden and heartache of losing a baby. A baby that was wanted, loved from the moment it was conceived, longed for, worked for, dreamed of... it hurts so much to walk again through those memories. When I hear my friends spilling their hearts about their feelings during a miscarriage - it all comes flooding back. The bitter, angry, sad, tired tears that I cried. Wondering where God was in it all, and the primary question of "why? why? why?". Why my babies? Why my friend's babies? Why? Beautiful mothers, good mothers, Christ-fearing mothers (and fathers too)... why can't they have the babies their heart's so desire? Why the giving and then taking away? For what purpose?In the last few months I've had three of my closest friends lose babies. It feels so unfair. I would have done anything to have been able to protect them from that pain... and now all of them are walking in it. And you know what? It doesn't matter how many miscarriages I've had, or how much I can relate to how they feel, I still feel inadequate. I still don't know what to say or do - because nothing can change what's happened. I know all the things to NOT say, which is great. But there really are no words that can make it better. Even the peace in knowing that those babies are happy, healthy and whole living in Heaven doesn't take the earthly pain away. Not right away.
My heart is heavily burdened today. My heart aches. And for all the many more of you who know the pain I'm talking about... I'm so sorry. Today I'm carrying with me just a little bit of that pain for all of you. I'm praying for you, and I am sending out a hug to each of you.
3 comments :
I have appreciated your love and prayers over the last few months. It does help to know that I have a friend (now a few friends) who understand the heartache and questions and tears. It just plain sucks but all I can think about now is that all of our kids are hopefully hanging out and laughing together up in heaven like they would here on earth
I hope your words touched the hurting hearts of many women. I praise God that it is not a valley that I have walked. Your outreach to the hurting is definitely a gift Heather.
i definately feel that you have been blessed with an incredible gift to bear others burdens. i know that you are a friend who will always be there for me, cry with me, and pray over me. that is a HUGE blessing. and i believe that YOUR prayers have made a huge difference in situations, and circumstances. your heart is beautiful, and i hope for one, my dear friend, that it never changes...that it near beats differently then it does right now because what you do for me and those around you is a true blessing and gift. i love you.
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