I get sad when I see so many posts that are related to weight. Be it weight lost, weight gained, weight that once was, weight that is no more, pregnancy before and after weights, the premarriage weight, the teenage weight... all these weight posts are hard for me to read. They are hard because I know that they are a stumbling block to women who have, or have had, eating disorders and self-image issues. I can honestly say this is not something I've personally struggled with, but that I have what I feel is a very high number of friends that do. I definately do have days when I'm down on my body - but they are short-lived. If I read too many weight posts, I'll often find myself judging my body more harshly.
I have heard my fair share of stories of eating disorders, even leading to months of rehab, and the constant struggle with self-image. I have friends in their mid-twenties that have had two or more babies sporting Spanx to the playground to conceal "bulges". I have had friends that are BEAUTIFUL cry about the (invisible) flab that they have gained over winter. I have heard long and sad stories of diets, drinks, pills, (the overuse and abuse of) exercise, and just a simple lack of eating altogether - even during pregnancy! These problems stem from all kinds of things, but we used to primarily blame the media. Now, I also add to that list to blame both blogs and Facebook.
"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7
This is a photo that was retouched by my cousin Jessica:
It just goes to prove that a fairly normal looking person, with skin flaws and dark under-eyes, can be perfect by media standards with a little computer-enhancement. I'll never forget when I heard Tyra Banks explain how during one of her bathing suit photoshoots her thighs were touching, so they made her point her toes together to make it look like they didn't. Even the best of them have thighs that touch.
So many women seem to think that they are doing themselves a favour by posting these weight struggles and successes online. I have to wonder why? Is it the motivation? The encouragement from other bloggers? I cringe when I read titles like "Weigh-In Wednesday", "Find My Fat Friday", and "So Not Skinny Sunday". What I see is a huge influx in reasons why I don't ever want to let my daughter (or son) be on the internet. Besides the usual media pressure to be "perfect", there is now the internet to add to that constant barage of images of woman - some with babies on their hip, and a toddler in the background, weighing in at about 90 pounds, and sporting a single-digit-sized pair of jeans. With all that out there on the WWW, why wouldn't she be a target for some major self-image problem? I'm scared for her.
"Anyone who reads the word but does not do what is says is like a man who looks at his face in the mirror. " James 1:23
What I want her to believe with all her heart is that GOD made her in HIS image. She is perfect because that is how He created her to look. I want her to be confident in herself whether she wears a size S, M, or L, or a 2, 10 or 16. I don't want her to rely on the scale to be a means by which she measures her worth and beauty. I don't want her to rely on the image in the mirror. I want her to rely on herself, her family, her best friends, and ultimately, her Father in Heaven. I don't want her to see fat or flab - I want her to see a BODY. A temporary body. It's function? To house her spirit.
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised". Proverbs 31:30
A body comes in all shapes and sizes. I will likely never be a single-digit-sized woman. My body wasn't designed to be. And you know what? I'm actually totally fine with that. Really, I am. I want to be healthy - and that is what is important. If I need to lose weight for that purpose, then I will try to by making healthier choices and exercising regularly (in my personal opinion, a two-story house and a toddler IS an exercise program). I want my daughter (and son too) to value inner beauty. I want her to value what's real, and what matters. I want her to feel good with make-up on, and without any on. I want her to smile with her teeth showing, even if they aren't perfect (mine sure aren't).
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair, and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful." 1 Peter 3:3-5
So, these are my thoughts on weight loss blog posts. This is my call to women to believe they are beautiful NO MATTER WHAT! More importantly, if you need to lose weight, consider keeping it private. Find an online support group separate from your blog, or close friends to keep accountable to. You just never know who is watching, reading, and comparing.
12 comments :
Fantastic Post! I totally agree with how the internet and converstations can cause others to stumble. As someone who is healed from anorexia I can say that having a family member comment about her weight as I grew up did not help my own self image. By you being comfortable with your own body that is already a gift to your kids.
Though I have been healed for many years from anorexia and I can that is wasn't until December 2009 that I actually came to a place of seeing myself through the eyes of my Father and my husband for that matter. I did some prayer stuff and renounced the foot hold the enemy had over me through my mirror! I claimed verses like
Song of Songs 4:7 "AL BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE MY DARLING, THERE IS NO FLAW IN YOU." I shared this verse at bible study this week and then had a lady come ask me for prayer because her 12 year old daughter was just diagnosed that morning with anorexia! 12! That just breaks my heart.
I am thankful that I have a husband who loves me whether I am pregnant, am above average weight or below. He prefers me without make-up and tells Isaiah over and over how beautiful I am and that I don't need make-up or do even spend time doing my hair. I feel blessed.
Thanks for posting your thoughts. It makes me sad that you felt like you had to justify and make sure people would be okay that you wrote this. This is your blog and your thoughts and I am glad you shared.
Thanks you.
I was just thinking about this... Great post Heather.
Good for you for posting this. I agree that media doesn't give people a fair chance, but I also agree with taking care of yourself since God gave you a body to care for, but that doesn't mean you have to be a size 0!
Awesome post Heather! I am by no means thin and I don't mind myself at all...and I for sure don't allow magazines that focus on weight and airbrushed beauties into my home...with an almost teenager here...it's just not worth feeling not good enough.
Bravo for speaking the truth!
Love your post. While I am mostly overweight right now it isn't easy being overweight either. It isn't healthy for me and I do need to loose the extra weight. Forgive me, dear while I love this post and agree with it I want you also to see when ppl are carrying extra weight and they don't feel good about that esp since it's not healthy] I applaud everyone out there who exercises and eats healthy and I want everyone to know that I stand with them all cheering for them. Cause Heather it is hard. It's hard making a lifestyle change. I know how hard i work and some days I do get discouraged and need support. No, skinny ppl won't understand but ppl who carry extra weight will understand and it's only us who will know how hard it is and we do deserve recognition. Yes in God's eyes we are created beautifully but we also want to be healthy and just physically fit. I look forward to the day where I can be my ideal weight. I don't feel good about myself cause I know how good I can feel [energy wise] having lost all access weight, It's not about self image but health concerns on my part. Thanks for posting this!
I think a few readers have taken this post the wrong way... thinking that I am down on losing weight when it is trult necessary. That is not the case at all! What I do want is for women who need to lose weight to also see the beauty in themselves while they work at it.
Further to my comment above, my target audience really was not to those who have an actual need to lose weight for health reasons. I was moreso aiming my post at those who seem to think they need to lose weight, and seem to constantly mention it, when in reality they are perfectly healthy, and "normal". That being said, I still wish that women of ALL sizes could learn to accept themselves - and that the topic of conversation wouldn't have to start with "these last 5 pounds" so often.
Oh, and one more thing! :) I do know that it is hard to make changes and stick with it. It's hard to keep up the motivation to do it when the results don't come as quickly as one would like. I fully understand that with extra weight often comes with it a lack of self worth. But that's why I write this post. There is more to a person than the outward appearance. A person with self confidence, even if they are overweight, always look good - wouldn't you agree? Ladies, you are ALL beautiful. I see it, completely despite what weight you are currently holding at.
I hear you Heather and thank you for posting this. I didn't take you the wrong way but also want to make a comment on actually someone who does struggle with weight. It does make perfectly sense what you wrote and want to thank you again for posting this and addressing this topic. Pll who are skinny and talk constantly of losing more weight makes us ppl feel foolish who stand there thinking what the heck do they think of me then? It's not a comfortable place and time to present then. I've been in that situation so many times and I consider those ppl rude and not having feelings for the others person who has a real reason to struggle with her weight not you skinny one over there. You probably want me chubby one to actually tell yuo you are not fat you're looking good. Why should i say that? You aren't considerate of my feelings either. Know what I mean? been there, too many times..
I don't mind women talking about losing weight so much and seeking support from friends or blogs or discussion groups or whatever. What does bother me is that it seems that we can't seek that support without the other person comparing themselves to us. I have stopped mentioning anything about weight at all to some of my family members because they instantly go on a long tirade about how fat and disgusting they are and I just hate hearing it! All I'd like to talk about is a new exercise i learned or healthy recipes or something. Kind of like what you sometimes get when you start talking about your kids with certain mothers. They immediately compare their children to yours. Somehow, we need to learn to be supportive and helpful and encouraging without immediately beating ourselves up. On the flip side, we also need to learn how to ask for help, encouragement and support without causing others to feel uncomfortable about where they are at.
Weight and exercise and health in general are touchy subjects!
Wow. Write a blog post on weight and size and watch the comments roll in! :P haha.
I'm pretty sure you know my whole journey with health and wellness, as I've been quite open on my own blog.
I find it interesting that when someone steps out and comments on the HUGE and massive issues that surround our society, those of weight/excersize/body image and so on, that EVERYone seems to have an opinion, a heart, a thought, and story to share.
I believe the reason for this is:
WE ALL STRUGGLE WITH BODY IMAGE AS WOMEN. Whether we're small, large, healthy, unhealthy, young or old, it is PART of the enemy's attack on us as women. It's just REALITY. To be open about such topics, I believe, is breaking down walls of jealousy/comparison/and the feelings of being alone in our struggles.
Whether someone has a bad day here and there when looking in the mirror, or whether they feel bad about their bodies everyday, we all struggle with wanting to be beautiful. It's how we were made. God CREATED us to be beautiful, it's part of our actual PURPOSE! In this world filled with magazines/pornography/lust/being overweight and NEVER fitting that "perfect" mold that is completely unachievable, our beauty takes a beating, or should I say, our "sense" of beauty takes a beating.
I completely agree with absolutely everything you've posted Heather, except the keeping our struggles private. I believe we need eachother. We're all walking in different areas in this journey, but, we are all walking the same walk. Trying to figure out who the heck we are in Christ, trying to wrestle out our value, or worth, in this sick and twisted world that says we're worthless..... if we continue to be private about it, and skim over it with "oh come on, just believe you're beautiful", we will never get to the heart of our pain.
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