Inadequate

I'm not always the mommy, or the wife, or the daugher, or the sister, or the friend that I want to be. I look in the mirror and think that I should really be so much more, to so many more, and yet there I am. I am just me. On my off-days, which I'm having today, I rake myself over the coals a lot.

I should do more fun things with James.
I should be reading more books to Rayya.
I should be cooking up better meals for Ryan, and being a better wife.
I should send my brother a care package.
I should write my mom a thank you note for all she does.
I should pray for this friend, that friend, those friends, invite them for lunch, make them a meal.

But I am just me. I can't do it all, though I want to. I can't make things perfect, but I try to. I can't fix everything, but I pretend to. I can't be everywhere, do everything... but I wish I could. I wish that every day could feel like a good day. I wish I could always go to God first, and let Him walk me through the bad days instead of just trying to push through them by myself. I wish I could always feel proud and good about myself, and what I've done. But I don't.
I lack joy sometimes. I lack peace a lot of the time. I lack patience most of the time. I lack kindness and goodness once in a while, and faithfulness sometimes. Today gentleness and self-control are particularly lacking. I feel inadequate. Do you ever feel like that? Where you just can't get it right?
Yes, it's a full blown pity party. Cry me a river. But I think it's the lack of sun, lack of warmth, lack of summer. I want summer! Summer, I miss you!