I am actually not totally surprised that some fears about my pregnancy have started to creep back in this week. I don't know that pregnancy will ever be the same for me again after this past year of pain and disappointment. The ultrasound definately helped to calm my nerves, and take away some of my anxiety - but it seems to want to come back now. My obstetrician had told me I could go off the progesterone if the ultrasound came back with positive results. I was too scared to go off of it right away, so I kept taking it for another full week. Even though the latest that I ever lost a baby was at 8 weeks, which was my first miscarriage, I could not be completely guaranteed that the baby would make it even though it was seen at 9.5 weeks. Yesterday was my first day not taking the progesterone, with my plan being to take it every-other day now until 12 weeks, which seems to be the normal time to go off of it. Nothing major happened, but it seemed like some of my regular pregnancy "bodily functions" changed a little bit. I'm not sure what to make of it, and I'm trying not to worry. Perhaps I will try to go to the public health nurse on Monday, and see if she can find the heartbeat. I've actually put a bid on a fetal doppler on Ebay, because I think I will need it for reassurance throughout this pregnancy! I hope I win it! If you think to pray for me, I would really appreciate it. I just need strength to get through these last few weeks and into the 2nd trimester. No guarantees that it will solve all my fear issues, but at least I know that most of the "stats" would be on my side at that point. For the sake of interest, after a Google search, one study showed that the chance of miscarriage after seeing a heartbeat at 9 weeks was less than 0.7%. You'd think that would be enough to give me some peace!
Saturday, February 21
Fight the Fear
I am actually not totally surprised that some fears about my pregnancy have started to creep back in this week. I don't know that pregnancy will ever be the same for me again after this past year of pain and disappointment. The ultrasound definately helped to calm my nerves, and take away some of my anxiety - but it seems to want to come back now. My obstetrician had told me I could go off the progesterone if the ultrasound came back with positive results. I was too scared to go off of it right away, so I kept taking it for another full week. Even though the latest that I ever lost a baby was at 8 weeks, which was my first miscarriage, I could not be completely guaranteed that the baby would make it even though it was seen at 9.5 weeks. Yesterday was my first day not taking the progesterone, with my plan being to take it every-other day now until 12 weeks, which seems to be the normal time to go off of it. Nothing major happened, but it seemed like some of my regular pregnancy "bodily functions" changed a little bit. I'm not sure what to make of it, and I'm trying not to worry. Perhaps I will try to go to the public health nurse on Monday, and see if she can find the heartbeat. I've actually put a bid on a fetal doppler on Ebay, because I think I will need it for reassurance throughout this pregnancy! I hope I win it! If you think to pray for me, I would really appreciate it. I just need strength to get through these last few weeks and into the 2nd trimester. No guarantees that it will solve all my fear issues, but at least I know that most of the "stats" would be on my side at that point. For the sake of interest, after a Google search, one study showed that the chance of miscarriage after seeing a heartbeat at 9 weeks was less than 0.7%. You'd think that would be enough to give me some peace!
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7 comments :
I'm so thankful that you've made it past those miscarriage "milestones". But I understand the need for reassurance! Even at 8 months pg, I still worry about the bad things that could happen. I think having your own doppler would be pretty nice - but I'll also pray for an inner peace and assurance that can stick with you regardless.
I get all of it - you "should" be reassured, but as humans we have a terribly hard time getting past the past. God will hold you through this and everything that is to come. And I hope you win the doppler!
I thought of buying a doppler when I was pregnant with Evan but never did. Some of the over the counter dopplers dont pick up a heart beat until about 20 weeks and by that time Evan was moving so much I didn't worry as much. I've heard of people renting the hospital grade ones from doctors offices or hospitals.... kinda of like renting a breast pump. I'll pray for peace!!
I hope you win that doppler! It would definitely calm your nerves, and it's always great to hear your baby's heartbeat.
You are still in my prayers all the time. I'm starting to feel quite connected to this little babe of yours!
I plan to call you tomorrow.
Well, it looks like you are lined up with a monitor by now! Soon - you'll be able to hear that amazing sound whenever your heart desires! (I may sneak in and take a picture to send it to Dr. L) ha ha- just kidding... (maybe).
I am pumped to hear the little one's beats!
I borrowed a doppler when I was pregnant with Briony (the exact one in your picture, actually). It was good, but hard to pick up the heartbeat until she was old enough that I felt her moving anyway. And when I couldn't always find her heartbeat, it sometimes stressed me out more... But I'm glad that we had it. Geoff and I set it up and listened in on her periodically, and it helped me to relax and trust that God was taking good care of her in there. I hope you get it!
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