I have been absolutely loving my two year-old. Yes, he has moments of testing and disobedience when I find myself using up years of stocked-up patience while I deal with him. However, I am for the most part loving this stage of his life. I keep thinking that I want to preserve him at this age, so I can take him out again later and enjoy it again - but then I would have to have him cloned so that the "other" James could still grow up.I have been dealing with some frustrations in my motherhood quest, and I think that this week I've finally made a realization about it. THIS TOO SHALL PASS. A wonderfully cliché phrase, but it really summarizes things well. I have often been frustrated to the point of tears for the last two years that I can't seem to keep up. All around me "super moms" are caring for three or four children, making fully home-cooked meals every night, doing crafts, baking buns, homeschooling, taking kids to ballet and hockey, and still having energy to be a wife and friend. At least that's how it looks to ME. Lately I've realized that there are a few things that are making me feel this way: me comparing myself to others, first time motherhood, a son who needs lots of mommy time.
First of all, why do I compare myself to others? I don't need to have a house as neat as "Jane's", and I don't need to have mashed potatoes and roast beef on the table like "Margaret" does, and I sure don't have to bake three hundred Christmas goodies like "Julie". I can only do as much as I can and WANT to do. That's it.
I also have to remember that just because James is two doesn't mean that I'm not still a first time mom. I am learning as I go how to balance things, and still learning how to accomplish the daily needs each day. I don't have to know how to do it all right now. I am learning. I am growing. By the time I have our 10th baby on my hip, I should have it down pretty good. I expect perfection from myself, but that is totally unreasonable. I don't know how to do everything as a mom yet.
Also, I have to take James' personality into account. Just because "Karen's" daughter will play happily on her own in her room for an hour doesn't mean that James should or has to also do this. He is a boy who loves to be with people, and especially his mommy. I adore this about him, and yet it can sometimes be a drag. I have to remember that James has his own special personality. Right now, at this stage in his life, I just won't be able to do all the things I want to do. He needs me. He needs a playmate. If we are so blessed to have another child, this will change. He will have someone else to be near to. Also, he will be OLDER, and as he gets older some of these things will get easier. And eventually he won't want me around at all, and I'll be wishing he was two all over again.
9 comments :
I can struggle with this very same thing, too. But I think - would I really wanna trade my life for those women's life??? Probably not. Everyone has their "secret" life and problems...but they choose to portray themselves as having it ALL together - inside and out. I like honest people like you.
Well put Heather!
Yeah, nicely said.
I hear you on having a son who needs people. I realized today that it's because my son is an extrovert and not an introvert like me.
don't worry, my place is only cleaned when company comes around. :0)
How very true that we always compare ourselves to other moms! Truth is, behind closed doors, most super moms are barely keeping it together themselves!
I know you said the other day that you didn't feel like you had anything to give but sometimes God just speaks through you and I think that is what He did today. I was having such a miserable day and I thought "How come other moms can have more kids and have it all together and I can't even do it with one?" I think I just needed to hear someone else feel the same way. Thanks for your honesty.
comparison is such an ugly little thing, heh? i struggle with it all the time. everyday.
i love this quote i heard years ago, "cleaning the house while the kids are growing is like shovelling the sidewalk while its still snowing."
and i like to say it this way, "a clean house is a sign of mixed up priorities." hehehe. that''s my versian and though it might not be true for everyone, it certainly is for me.
:)
((hugs))
I really appreciate what you said, and I don't even have kids yet. I definitely struggle with the same things. I unreasonably expect perfection from myself, am constantly comparing myself to others, and wonder why I can't seem to keep up like I think I should. So thanks for sharing that and for your honesty. It helps me remember that I don't have to be the person I think everyone else is.
Great post, Heather. Comparing ourselves to others is dangerous in any life stage, but especially in this one. Lots of wisdom in the comments here...
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