Tuesday, December 9
One of Those Days
It's one of those days when I really should have avoided Facebook, avoided the news, just avoided life outside of my own circle of friends and family. It's one of those days when EVERYONE THAT SHOULDN'T HAVE BABIES seem to be having babies. People who kill their babies are having more babies. People who have lost their babies are having more babies. People who drug their babies are having more babies. Why can't I have one of their babies? It just gets so frustrating, I can't even begin to explain how it feels. Maybe a little bit like having a huge scab on my heart, and someone comes along and pulls it off. Ouch! Apologies for the raw mood I'm in - today I just have to shake my head. What is this world turning into? I suppose it doesn't help that on this day last year we were pregnant for the first time after having James. Having no baby in my arms to prove that is hurting my heart. I had hoped to be pregnant this month, because I thought that might make the pain a little less, but we are not. Sucks. I know God is in control, and I am excited and looking forward to my baptism this Sunday. I know His timing is best, and I'm fine with that - but it's still so disappointing.
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11 comments :
It was hard for me to even go to church bc so many other women were pregnant. I felt so horrible... but I would be in church not able to concentrate bc I couldn't stop glaring at all the pregnant women wishing it was me. Church! of all places!
I know the scab you speak of. Ouch. Thinking of you today.
Its funny how it sneaks up on you huh....even though I am happy with my 3 I was due on 12/31 and so sometimes it gets to me thinking that right now concentrating on that childs bday would be what I would be doing right now...sometimes I don't think of it other days I am sad...
Like PP's said we know of it and are thinking of you and your pain
I agree, God's timing is best, but it is sometimes so hard to understand his timing... Praying for you.
Thinking of you and feeling your pain. Today is a day I appreciate you and your friendship all the more.
I was just thinking too that all the people I know that are struggling ie. miscarriages, infertility, stillbirth, etc. are married believers and yet there are SO MANY unmarried, teen, substance-abusing etc. women out there that get pregnant SO EASILY OVER AND OVER AGAIN. It's infuriarating and unfair.
i felt the exact same way today. two annoucements today on facebook. not easy. wish it WOULD get easier.
I know exactly how you feel! Went through the same thing 2 years ago. I have a baby now... but when I hear of other people in that situation, I feel the same pain I did 2 years ago.
Praying so hard for you!
- Liane
sigh......Heather.
I've had those same questions..... why do those who clearly should not have children keep having them.....and why do amazing women like you struggle to conceive.....
I can't relate to this sort of pain, but I hurt for you. You're such an amazing mom and wife and woman Heather. I look up to you in so many ways. I forget that you ARE a first time mom! (I read your this age and stage and was so encouraged by your wisdom!) I wonder what God is doing.... why He has you waiting.....
I can assure you, that everything you've walked out since I've known you has encouraged many and has been glorifying to Him. I can only assume that this trial will produce the same fruit.
I love you tons and tons, and love and appreciate you just the same in honesty and struggles and questions and frustrations.
I can totally sympathize with you. I can't relate but I can imagine how ridiculously frustrating that must be!
I'm also excited to hear that you're getting baptized! Congrats! That's awesome! :)
i'm sorry things are hard for you today heather.
my heart feels heavy for you...for babies that aren't loved and protected...for hurt and pain and all the awful stuff swirlying around us.
be covered my friend. xo
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