"I have no friends."
"I'm so lonely."
"God must be so disappointed in me."
Deep down, I know none of it is true. However, it sort of feels true today and I could just sit here and cry. I feel let down. I feel tired... exhausted actually. I feel overwhelmed. I feel like nothing anyone does is good enough.
"Why won't James sleep through the night?"
"Why does it feel like I never stop working?"
"Why doesn't someone call to encourage me?"
I'm just in a serious slump. When I feel this way, I do something that a friend of mine recently described as "retail therapy". When I'm upset I buy things (usually for James). It is just a little bandaid that usually gives me a day or two of happiness, but then the novelty of the purchase wears off, and I'm back to my grouchy self again. This time the slump really seems to be sticking around. I've tried doing things for others, because that also usually makes me feel better. It did - but only temporarily. I just kind of feel lonely, and a little bit lost. Distant from God. I believe that sometimes God allows us to feel distance from Him when He is trying to remind us of what He does for us. I hate having to be reminded, and it makes me feel like I am probably disappointing Him. *sigh* Sorry, this is such a depressing post. I guess I'm just putting my self out there, as I like people to know how I am honestly feeling. Today I'm feeling like this. I'm sure when the sun comes up tomorrow I'll feel better. That usually helps. It seems like nighttime, and being tired sort of magnifies every problem into something HUGE! How do you get yourself out of your slumps?
11 comments :
I know how you feel, Heather. I too have those days. And what helps for me, may not help for you. But I have to do something for myself (take a bath, go for a walk or out shopping BY MYSELF). If its at night, I crawl into bed, while Rusty holds Annika for awhile and read my Bible and pray. I ask God to speak to me through His Word and to help my find comfort through Him. Know that you're not alone with thinking/feeling this way...its hard being a mother, wife AND trying to keep yourself together. Praying for you right now to find comfort and inner peace tonight and tomorrow...
I think those feelings come more often than we like, for new moms. Like, sometimes I just wish someone else would change a diaper for once, or call me and ask me to go out for coffee or something. It doesn't happen, and then I just try to remember that this is my job, to be a mom, and I need to make life special for Rowan, even if I feel lousy, and like no one else cares.
I have had my share of those days. For me it usually takes some time alone with God (which I am sure is a little tough as a new mom)just listening to Him and asking Him what HE thinks about me. What God says about you in those quiet moments is free from all of satan's lies that we impose on our view of who we are. I have learned to always put my own thoughts through filter and ask myself was that thought from my own selfish nature, from satan, or was it God's truth? A
As for the James sleeping thing...we are having an amazing message series at church on miracles. Today's message was great. You can listen to it online at www.mysouthland.com if you are interested.
I will prayer that God will show how special you are to Him and how much He values all the work you do as a mom.
Ugh. Self-pity has always been one of Satan's strongholds in my life so I know what you're feeling. This motherhood thing amplifies it because even though we know there are other moms out there who are struggling, it's easy to feel alone because we ARE alone at home most of the time. Even our husbands who love us and our children just aren't as concerned with the things we are (sleeping thru the night, friends... etc.) I often feel that lonely feeling, especially when I hear of other moms who are really connected with one another. I don't really have any one person like that and I wish I did. And playgroup is great but I often come away feeling discouraged because I've spent the whole time comparing myself to the other moms or feeling like I'm not connected with them as well as I'd like. But then I realize that I need to be reaching out too and not just waiting for someone to reach out to me. I can't just expect that kind of relationship to fall into my lap. It's a 2-way street.
As for the lies/insecurities, etc. I try to infuse myself with God's truth. Even just a few peaceful moments outside alone makes me remember that I am loved and that I'm not alone. I love to journal and even though I don't have as much time to do it now I find that it is extremely life-giving for my faith. I don't always come away feeling "happy" but I come away with a peace in God and that's what really matters.
Anyway, I'm sending you hugs and wishing we could live a bit closer together so we could hang out!
I know what you are feeling! I feel like that very often, and I think not just moms struggle with that. I'm glad you can share your feelings so open!
That's right Liane, it's not just Mom's who struggle with this, it's all people, men and women. I've had ups and downs to navigate through all my life. Sometimes it's not too bad, just a little dip, sometimes it feels like I fell into a big dark hole and I can't get out. I hear you with the retail therapy Heather! That's a big problem for me because it's usually when I have no money that it hits! Sometimes I leave my wallet at home, make a cup of decaf in a travel mug and go walk the mall and browse in Chapters while the kids are asleep and Mark is home. Sometimes I rearrange my furniture. Sometimes I put on worship music and cry while I sing along. Sometimes I pack the kids in the car, tell them we're having some quiet time and drive around for a while. Sometimes it takes a few days of inviting people over, going to family center or going to ladies events at church.
Life at home can get very isolated. I'm a social person, so to stay sane I have to find social outlets. I find anywhere that is good to go with kids, YMCA, mall, family centers, the park, church groups, a friend's house, whatever and I get out! It'll take a while to find what works for you, but you know, remember that it's normal, and it's natural. Oh, one time I even wrote down every little thing that was stressing me out and making me feel down. Then I got myself a cup of coffee, cried a bit, then went back and tackled that list. Wow, you asked for ideas, sorry, I got a little carried away! ;)
Heather, I have had SO many of those days, I can't even count them all in the 3 short months since Brendan's been around. In fact, I just wrote a similar post! I have talked to my mom and my husband about it, A LOT, because they are the 2 I see most often. I figured out that I have had some "self esteem" issues since Brendan's birth... not good enough as a mom, wife, etc. Can't figure out how I can be home all day, yet not have supper ready for my husband! Since I started talking to Tim, that has helped me a TON. I basically told him I feel like I am failing at every aspect of my life, and what i need is encouragement. With my mom, she reassured me that this is completely NORMAL and every mother feels they never measure up. Especially first time mom's. She also brought up a good point, that I had a job and a career before staying at home... I felt productive and did something that produced results everyday. So, what I'm getting at here is altough its not necessarily what you want to hear, you certainly aren't alone!
To get out of a slump, I get some rest. I feel that the world looks a whole lot different when you're not tired to the point of exhaustion. Again, I lean on my hubby. Especially on the weekends. Other thing I do is a lot of positive self talk. If someone were in my house listening, they'd think I"ve gone nuts!
I will keep you in my prayers.
wow, you got so many awesome comments, full of awesome encouragement. I like what Jamie said, about the spirit of self-pity. Self-pity is actually a form of pride. Remembering this puts the fear of the Lord in me when I hit those slumps, to recognize our sin. But God IS NOT DISSAPOINTED IN YOU!!!! Even in the times where we feel like we're having to learn the same lesson over and over.... HE IS NOT DISSAPOINTED. He rejoices in you! You are HIS DELIGHT! Do not let go of these truths, it does not matter how deep in the slumps you are, He is with you, He loves you, He is pleased, He is your Daddy, He is your guide, your comfort.
We all have days like this.....we all have days of feeling inadequate, and distant from God. The word says that those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength, run and not grow weary walk and not faint. Keep pressing through, rest in the hope of the Lord. He says that our hope will not be dissapointed!
You are doing amazing! I'm always blessed by what you have to say. You are so honest and real, open and willing to be moved by God. You're a great mom! I'm sorry if I haven't said that enough! You are! You are! And I'm not just saying that, I have been blown away at how you have just naturally taken on the role of being a mom, how you trust and follow your God given mother instincts.
This too shall pass, and better days are ahead.
been there - and AM there. i'm mostly down about my weight and lack of time with family!!!
the way i get out of my slump is i take a drive in my car and sing worship songs. not always a convienient way to get over it...but it does help a lot. it brings my focus back where it should be!!
i love you, you're doing a great job as a Mommy, i'm very proud of you!
I'm in a bit of a slump myself, which I'm okay with since in my circumstances right now, I'm not sure who wouldn't be. Last night I was reading in Psalms and came across this:
Psalm 77
1 I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.
2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands
and my soul refused to be comforted.
3 I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;
I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
4 You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.
5 I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;
6 I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart mused and my spirit inquired:
7 "Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?
8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?"
10 Then I thought, "To this I will appeal:
the years of the right hand of the Most High."
11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will meditate on all your works
and consider all your mighty deeds.
13 Your ways, O God, are holy.
What god is so great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.
It's not easy to remember the things God has done for us when it feels like we have been deserted. It's hard to remind ourselves of good things when it seems like God has turned His face from us. But I guess we need to try. I did. I hasn't helped yet, but it did help a little to read my exact feelings written down thousands of years ago. It made me feel that God sees my pain and understands it and whether I see it or not, He's here with me. That helped. A little.
(((HUGS)))
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