Pregnancy Paranoia

Today I experienced a little paranoia - I began to let myself worry that I am not, in fact, pregnant. I've been feeling pretty good the last couple of days, and some of the earlier symptoms I was experiencing seemed to have dissipated. I began to question myself as to whether it was safe to tell my parents this week, because what if I ended up not being pregnant after all?! I was getting pretty worried, so I decided I'd better give myself some peace-of-mind. I drove to the pharmacy on my lunch hour, came home, and did another pregnancy test. This time I also made sure I bought a quality one - and it was on sale too, so I didn't feel as guilty as I would have if it had been regular price. I did the test, and sure enough! In three short minutes I had confirmed that I was, indeed, still pregnant - and my paranoia alleviated. I think it was totally worth it! Now I just have to wait until Thursday, when I get to spill the news to my family! Their first grandchild is on the way! I can't wait!

My First Prenatal Appointment

My first prenatal appointment was fairly uneventful really. The doctor asked me all kinds of questions about my health, and the health of my family and my husband's family. We discussed various options for an ob/gyn or whether I'd just continue to go to my GP until later in the pregnancy. I decided to continue to see my GP for now, and then switch over to an ob/gyn later. We also decided that I should get the flu shot, as I am eligible. I go back next week to do a urine analysis, and blood analysis. My next appointment after that is not until December 15 - a date when we might already hear the fetal heartbeat! I've been feeling really good too, except for a brief moment of nausea yesterday afternoon. I'm still incredibly full of gas, but it seems that the bloating has gone down a fair bit. Hallelujah! That was so uncomfortable!

I'm Ready to Spill the Beans

I can barely contain myself these days. I just want to spill the beans! It's especially hard at work, because I see my dad every day. I just want to tell him he's going to be a grandpa! I'm also getting increasingly fatter, and I'm just sure everyone can tell. I tried wearing regular pants yesterday, and had to unzip them everytime I sat down at my desk. Crazy! I have my first doctor's appointment today, so I will be asking about being referred to a ob/gyn soon. It will be easier for Ryan to come to appointments if I go to a doctor in the city, so we'll set that up. Looks like I will probably aim to have the baby at St. Boniface. It isn't my first choice, but in a long run it will work best - again, with Ryan working in the city now.

I still feel like I'm in some denial that I'm actually pregnant. Maybe today's appointment will make it feel real. I've had a little anxiety, but not too much. I don't want to be paranoid, worried and stressed all of the time! My tummy still hurts, but I wouldn't say I've really experienced any morning sickness. It seems like my stomach is smaller in the morning, and progressively gets larger as the day goes by!

Can't Believe I'm Wearing Maternity Pants

My husband can't believe it either. This weekend he said, "You just found out you were pregnant, how can you need maternity clothes already?". I feel the same way! It feel ridiculous to wear maternity clothes - and still not telling many people that I am pregnant. So far just a close friend of mine knows, I needed some support. The websites I'm finding informative are www.babycenter.com and www.ivillage.com. There is a lot of good advice there, and ladies write in with their thoughts. That's why I decided I'd go to Old Navy and pick up two pairs of maternity pants. They are cute - and I'm sooooo much more comfortable. I can breath while sitting at my desk now! My stomach aches on and off, and sometimes it "flutters". I haven't been sleeping well either, because I like to be on my back. We'll see how it goes. It's torture to work with my dad, and one of my best friends and not be able to tell them yet! Ah! Just another couple of weeks, and we'll spill the beans to my family - on my mom's 50th birthday.

Tight Pants

I'm a little surprised that at just 5 weeks my pants are already getting too tight. Because we are still trying to keep our pregnancy a secret, I've been unbuttoning my pants while I sit at my desk! I don't really think I'm "showing" yet, rather just bloated. I think tomorrow I will go shopping for some larger pants - to tie me over until I get serious about needing maternity clothes. I've read somewhere that Old Navy has first trimester clothes, so I'll try there first. If anyone has any other ideas, please let me know! I'm also happy to say that I really feel pretty good too. I haven't been to sick at all (yet). I have a sort of constant tummy ache, but it's mild. I also seem to be full of gas!

Positive Pee

Sorry for the graphic lead-in to this post, but I just couldn't resist. So... yesterday after work I still had not got my period, so I called my husband and told him I needed him to pick up a pregnancy test for me on his way home from work. He asked "What kind?", and I was like, "I don't know! Just choose one!". So he came home with a generic brand one that came with two tests "just in case". I decided that despite my eagerness to do the test, I would wait until the morning when the HcG levels are more concentrated.

Which brings me to this morning. I could hardly sleep, but the minute my alarm went off I was up. I went into the bathroom to do the test, and my husband walked in. Suddenly, I was totally self-concious, so I waited until he was in the shower, and then went to the other bathroom in the house. I pulled the stick out of the package (I had read all the instructions two times the night before), and sat down to do my thing. I stuck in the stick... waited 4 seconds, and then pulled it out and put the cap on. I put it down on the counter in front of me, and just watched. A slow movement of colour swept across the two little windows (as it said it would do), and the control window line grew dark and red - I had done the test right. I waited. It seemed like forever, and I thought, well, I guess it's negative. But then, a dim line began to appear. I looked closer... yes, indeed, there was a dim pink line in that window. Well, now I was confused. It was very pale. Was that it? I read the instructions again, under frequently asked questions, "The level of HcG will increase throughout your pregnancy, if you are testing early in your pregnancy, even a faint line in the window is evidence of pregnancy". I immediately went to find my husband. I had tears running down my face.

"Honey, what's wrong?"
"It's a yes."

So, I am pregnant! I am pregnant?!? I think I am pregnant. Wow. Wow, wow, wow. God is so good! So, today I will call my doctor and do a blood test to make sure. I am still in denial though. I just can't believe it! We are so excited!

Patiently Waiting & Pregnancy Symptoms

Well, it's the morning of the day that I should be getting my period. So far, there's no sign of it. I'm beginning to wonder if a lot of what I'm feeling is just in my head though. I've been having "pregnancy symptoms" for over a week. I've had nauseousness - although not enough to make me vomit, odd food cravings, a runny nose, a more acute sense of smell, cramps, stomach aches, and a few others. Not to mention that all of my pants seem a little tight. I have to undo the buttons on my jeans when I'm sitting. Can you even be showing at one month anyway? All of these symptoms have been listed on various websites as signs of pregnancy, but I'm in denial. I want to be pregnant, but what if my body is doing all of these things because I WANT it to be doing these things?! I guess the only way I'll know is by doing a pregnancy test. If I haven't got my period by the end of the day, I'll get my husband to pick up a test on his way home from work and do it tomorrow morning. (They suggest that the first urination in the morning is the best for testing). *deep sigh* I'm trying so hard not to get my hopes up, but at the same time I keep imagining all the ways I could tell my parents that they are going to be grandparents for the first time! My mom's 50th birthday is in 2 weeks - it would be perfect! Crossing my fingers, saying a little prayer...

First Step: Trying to Conceive

My husband, admittedly, didn't really enjoy our first week of trying to conceive. I don't totally blame him - although I really did enjoy it. He says he felt like a sperm donor, and any thoughts about the pressure of making a baby turned him off. I tried to make it fun - wore lingerie, lit candles, went out of my way to make it something more than "just sex". We had sex every-other-day for a week, and now I expect (or don't expect) to get my period tomorrow. I'm hoping and praying for the best. Last night we had a big fight - not even sure what spurred it on - but making up last night I realized I just can't wait to make this man a daddy. Time will tell, keep me in your prayers. Praying for no period tomorrow...