I'm not sure about all of you, but one thing I didn't love about junior and senior high school was all the drama. Everything was about who said what, when they said it, who was there, who was your best friend, and who wasn't. I really hated it. All I wanted was everyone to be friends with everyone, and to have a few friends that I could trust and rely on.I couldn't wait to move on after high school. I went off to Briercrest Bible College after I graduated. It was refreshing to start new. Everyone was more mature, and before long, I had found a nice little groove that I fit into perfectly. I decided that I never wanted to have that kind of drama in my life anymore.
Well, I have pretty much been able to avoid the drama. However, there are some people you can't just ignore, or not include as a part of your circle of friends. I have fairly recently allowed someone I've known for nearly my whole life into my circle. I was hestitant to do so, and now I am fast realizing why. I don't know why I let this person in, after years of living happily without having them be a close part of my life. I suppose it started out with Facebook (curse you Facebook!), and our communication there just naturally caused us to grow closer.
Now, I'm back into the drama again! I am constantly offending this person, or causing some kind of misunderstanding. I don't have this problem with any of my other friends! I feel I have to walk on eggshells, and even when I do that, I still seem to say the wrong thing at the wrong time.
What also seems to be backfiring is my response to these dramatic episodes. I used to use the phrase "disarm them with love" back in my high school days. I've tried that same tactic in this situation, but that hasn't worked. Now, I find myself just becoming defensive and irritated, because I'm not so concerned about preserving my reputation, or appearing cool, or needing to have all the right friends. These days, I just want peace and quiet. I don't want to fight or argue. This person though, loves to fight and argue - and most of all - this person really has to have the last word. It is beyond irritating. And the trouble is, I can't just walk away and make it all go back to how it used to be. Argh.
4 comments :
I had friends like that, I've managed to cut ties or cut back contact with all of them. And I've been way happier since. I've found if people love to argue, refusing to argue with them is the surest way to get them to leave you alone. If you don't give them what they want they often will move on to someone else. I've found the phrase "I'm sorry you feel that way" very helpful. I don't try and make my argument to them or prove anything, because they don't want that. They just want the fight. Good luck.
We'll have to talk one of these days.
Love you!
I've struggled with this as well. A lesson I'm still trying to learn is "When people show you who they are, believe them." I want to believe the best in people - that they can and will change. But some people aren't healthy for me to have in my life. It's not necessarily that they are bad people (although sometimes their choices necessitate me cutting ties). It doesn't happen often but when I have had to cut ties I always feel like it must be my fault for not trying hard enough or being forgiving or loving enough. But I am trying to accept that if I've done all I can, sometimes the best choice is to step back. I hope you can find the best solution. I know how stressful it can be to be in a hurtful relationship like that. Good luck!
i have someone like that in my life. i'm trying to ween her off of me...she has said so many lies about me, and treats me like crap. i don't get it. but she knows too much about me. :( and uses that against me. we're too nice Heather! :) we love people too much!! :)
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