Tuesday, October 14

Refined by Fire

Wow, the enemy has been seriously investing time in trying to run me down lately. Last night I was attacked with horrible thoughts of bad things happening to James, and all the while I was being bombarded by lies like, "God didn't save your babies, so He certainly isn't going to protect James either", "Bad things happen to good people, and bad things are just going to keep happening to you no matter what you do, say, or how much you pray". I tried to pray, but I just felt like I couldn't think past the negative thoughts. I was trying to call out to God, but it almost felt like someone was holding my mouth closed. I kept hearing more lies, things like "If you didn't believe in God, things would be easier. You wouldn't blame anything but nature for the miscarriages. When you believe in God it just makes things like this more disappointing because you expect that this 'God' is going to help you, and He doesn't. If you didn't have so much faith in God, you wouldn't have to spend so much time worrying about your loved ones who don't believe. Remember, praying doesn't help anything. Believing in God just makes you think that bad things are happening to you because you've done something bad. If you didn't believe in God, you wouldn't be worried about that". It just kept coming and coming until I couldn't take it anymore, and just said "Satan, get out of here!". I finally fell asleep, and woke up feeling rested but my soul felt weary. The only person I was able to get a hold of right away was Rebekah (thank goodness!). I was so glad to be able to talk to someone, and get my feelings out. She was able to pray with me, and I feel much better now. I have never felt this way before - where I feel like I'm trying to talk to God, but getting no response. Usually it's the other way around for me, where I purposely let God slide out of my life, and when I try to talk to Him, He is right there waiting for me. Maybe this is one of those times where I look back and see just one set of footsteps, and although they feel like they are mine and I'm walking alone, maybe it's actually that He is REALLY carrying me right now. I don't really know what I am feeling right now, but I know that I'm not alone. I know that God loves and cares for me, and that I will get through this. I know that He has a great plan for me, and I truly believe that this is why I have to be "refined by the fire". No where does it say "you will be refined by happy things, and an easy life". No, we are going to be refined by FIRE. So I think I'm being refined, but for what? I sure am looking forward to the day that I find out!
"'I have refined you, but not as silver is refined (in fire). Rather, I have refined you in the furnace of suffering.'" Isaiah 48:10

9 comments :

Niki said...

I, too, feel as though I am going through a time of being refined by fire. It's painful and not easy...and the lies are so tiring to fight. But fight we must!

May God protect and uplift you.

Erica H said...

I didn't go to bed until after midnight last night and I felt overwhelmed to pray for you (and several others). I guess this explains the prompting! Its amazing how God uses other to intercede when you just can't. Sometimes when we're in those situations we just CAN'T get "that prayer" out, and its the prayers of others that get us through...I will pray that you will rest well tonight.

Elina said...

Heather - you continue to be in my prayers on a daily basis. For some reason, not a day goes by that I don't think of you and your family (and am automatically prompted to pray). I don't really know what else to say. Just know you are in so many peoples thoughts and prayers. I can't imagine how badly you want this rotten time to be over and know what purpose it has served.

Elina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beth said...

I was praying for you on my way home from work today...
Sometimes when I feel the lies and attacks of Satan I put on worship music. A few songs that have helped me through tough times are:
Casting Crowns --- Praise You in This Storm
Third Day --- Mountain of God
Passion Worship Band --- Marvelous Light

I also have an instrumental CD my church made that I listen to when I can't sleep. If you want a copy of it or any of the other songs let me know...

Trev and Rebekah said...

I am so glad you were able to get ahold of me too. I loved being able to pray for you.
I also love seeing that there were a number of people who were either up praying for you last night or praying for you today. Though you feel abandoned in a way, God is proving he's right there by the prayers of his saints that surround you. Love ya!

Janelle said...

Luke 10:18-20 (The Message)

18-20Jesus said, "I know. I saw Satan fall, a bolt of lightning out of the sky. See what I've given you? Safe passage as you walk on snakes and scorpions, and protection from every assault of the Enemy. No one can put a hand on you. All the same, the great triumph is not in your authority over evil, but in God's authority over you and presence with you. Not what you do for God but what God does for you—that's the agenda for rejoicing."

HE has granted you SAFE PASSAGE. NO ONE can put a hand on you Heather. no matter whether you can open your mouth in prayer or not, HE is with you, and protecting you & watching over you. HE will always win. HE will always overcome. The battle has ALREADY been won!! :) :)

(oh, and i love you)

Lauren said...

Hey Heather,

I just wanted to give you the link of a blog that I've been reading. I don't know what you'll think of it, but it has been so inspirational, moving, and faith confirming for me. I hope you enjoy it! http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/

I'm praying for you

Lena said...

Thanks for opening up your heart- I feel this song is just fitting for you today: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doaHIOXIhH0

Thinking and praying for you today