Friday, December 8
Who are you - and where is Heather?
I am definately not the same person I was 2 1/2 weeks ago! I have been having some baby blues this week - and longing to feel like the old Heather. It's a pretty tough transition from the Chamber of Commerce committee member, out-and-about, trips to the city person I was a few weeks ago - to the flabby mom who is stuck inside with a baby on her breast. I'm NOT complaining - just longing for the norm. I'm told it will come yet, but for now I feel a little bit lost in my new role. I worry a lot. I also feel a little tense sometimes - hoping I'm doing the right thing at the right time, etc., etc. Can anyone relate? It's sort of hard to explain exactly what I am feeling. I thought I would easily slip into the role as mom very quickly and naturally - but it hasn't been that quick or that natural! Feeding is going good, but I still have occasional breast pain. It got checked by the Doc yesterday, and all is well. James now weighs 8lbs 8ozs! It's nice to know he's growing. But there is lots of good in all of this too. See pics below to see what I mean... the last one is my favourite!
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16 comments :
Awww Heather, I love that last pic of you and James, it is precious. Sorry to hear you are a little sad. I don't have advice as I have never gone through any of that yet cuz I am not a mom, but I have heard all those feelings are normal. I am sure you are doing just fine and being the best mom James could ever have! Praying you will feel God's peace and be as close to the "old" Heather as you would like.
Hi Heather! Beautiful pictures! It is very common to be feeling the emotions that you are feeling. I experienced the same thing. I thought I was forever going to be a milk machine! But it got easier over time and it becomes very normal and natural! I will be praying for you! And don't feel guilty for the way you feel because we have all been there!
Heather,
I commented on your blog once before, but it was the post just before you delivered James, so I am unsure if you got to it, so I will reintroduce myself. I am a friend of Jobina's and found your blogspot through hers. I have enjoyed reading your journey and keeping up with what is happening with you.
I found that when my son was born I got the baby blues as well - they were quite bad, but after a few weeks I started to feel "normal" again. It wasn't the same though, it was a "new normal" as life had changed.
Another thing that I was told by someone as I was stressing about doing the right thing at the right time is that there is no "right" thing. There is not only one way to be a a mom and you have never been one before and James has never been a baby. He has no idea what you think you are supposed to do, so everything that you do it right! That's my best advice.
You'll be in my prayers...
That is a beautiful picture of you with James!
I can understand how you're feeling. I had a few very overwhelming days the first week after Keziah arrived but I'm feeling more like myself this past week. I know what you mean about worrying - I feel slightly more laid back this time around, but I'm still constantly worrying. First it was whether she was latching properly (I had blisters which I never had with Micah), then it was the jaundice and whether she was sleeping too much and whether we would be able to take our trip! And now I think she may be developing thrush and I'm worried about that since we're still in Manitoba and won't be able to see my doc until next week! Thus is the life of a mother, I guess!
I have had a lot of fun being with my family, but I am also looking forward to getting back to a routine at home where me and my kids are not living out of suitcases...
Anyway, I'm thinking about you and I hope that you find a NEW normal and that things can fall into place for you as a Mommy :)
I love the pics Heather! Very precious! I totally understand what you are going thro.. I went thro the same thing.. one thing that helped me was knowing that my feelings were normal and that they too would pass. It has a lot to do with the chemical/hormonal balance (or should i say imbalance) and it will just take some time. Your body just went thro the most incredible experience it will ever have - it too is trying to recover and become normal again. As much as i anticipated my son's arrival and couldn't wait to be a mom, it took me a month until i could honestly say i was really enjoying being a mom (which is hard to admit). Rayna is right, it is a new normal, but don't be fooled you can still do almost all the things you did before, it just takes more time & preparation! Some advice: make sure you get out of your house! It's a lot of effort but it's worth it if it keeps you sane! I don't know where you live but pack up the little one, go to a mall/store and do some Christmas shopping. Does your church have a mom and tot's group? start going to that once a week. give yourself something to look forward to every week :) the time will fly! And don't worry about feeding time, just find a quiet corner/room and take care of the little ones needs and keep going. The biggest lie mothers believe is that they can't do anything anymore because they have kids -- its all what you make of it. I promise it will get better, just keep your chin up and just treasure those most intimate times with your little bundle of love.. all too soon they don't want hugs & kisses from mom anymore :) u r in my prayers!
PS remember it's ok to make mistakes, every mother has - and look how we all turned out :)
I love the last pic of you with James. Heather, hang in there. Trev and I are just a phone call away if there is anything we can do for you! You are doing a great job as a mom. It's a tough job but rewarding, isn't it?
Give yourself a hug from me.
I don't know if there is ever anything that anyone can say that will make these feelings disappear, but I do know that they go away over time. I remember having a very rough time right after Taylor was born, and feeling so overwhelmed with things! Your in my prayers honey! And, by the way, you look beautiful in your pic...never would know you just had a baby!!! Take care of yourself, and enjoy this relaxing time! Just think, pretty soon you will be on holidays! (lucky bum!!! any room in your suitcase for two more??? :-)
love, love the pics Heather! and i totally know what you mean about the adjustment of becoming a mother. i had post-partum pretty bad. luckily i had support & shook it off early. but all of a sudden you are totally responsible for the wellbeing of this little creature...and you're the main source of everything - even if it hurts you! it's the most important job you will ever have - but the hardest job to learn.
you're doing a great job. i love seeing pics of James, he is soooo cute! be encouraged my dear!
I love what Ranya said.... James has never been a baby before, so all you do is right in his books! How true! You're his MOMMY, his security, his comfort and his joy. You are who he knows best, you don't have to 'be' or 'do' anything you're not already doing. He's in love with you babe, whether you think you're messing up or not. Sometimes I think maybe it's a bad idea to say all that stuff about how when you have the baby, you'll just slip right into the role no questions asked.....cuz it doesn't happen for everyone like that. I felt that way when I had my daughter. I felt like such a dunce, not knowing anything about what a mom should look like, and if I was doing a good job or not. Being a mom is like any job, it takes time to learn the job criterea. You need to get to know little James, and really get to know yourself, you're a new person now! Feeling tense and nervous and being worried is completely NORMAL! Don't in any feel wrong for feeling any of these things. It's all part of becoming a mom, as well as your hormones coming back into line. It'll all settle down with time. And slowly but surely you'll feel like you again, only this time with so much more satisfaction and purpose! Just make sure that you're doing things for you in this time, don't push yourself to do things you don't want to do, and if you really need to get out, then make arrangements to do so! It's hard being home-bound, especiialy if you're used to getting out all the time. If you don't feel comfortable feeding in public, then try and make a point of going out right after a feed, and coming home just before he needs his next one.
Hope that helps, you're DOING A GREAT JOB! You really are! Your son is so beautiful!
Oh Heather I can't believe I haven't seen your precious little boy yet! I'm so sorry I missed your shower (I only got my invitation the day of. Kalia and I will have to come over for a visit with a little present sometime. Congratulations!
I wrote a comment before but it didn´t post so I will attenpt to re-write it.
That last picture is beautiful. Try not to stress out so much we can all tell that you are already a great Mom. Every other mom in the world had to go through being a first time Mommy and they all survived so you will do great too! Try to just take time and enjoy it.
Love ya!
Hi Heather,
(This is a long comment, feel free to skim it if you're bored or too sleepy.) :)
I don't know any first time (or second or third or whatever) mom who hasn't gone through that feeling of things just seeming a little "wrong" (for lack of a better word). It's okay. I promise it's okay.
My only advice is to try not to hide it from the people who love you. It's easy to tell yourself you're just being a baby and to suck it up and this is supposed to be the best happiest time. The fact is your life has been changed forever. I heard someone say once that having a child is like cutting your heart out of your body and letting someone else carry it around with them for the next... Well, forever really. Rayna is right, you're not going to ever feel "normal" again, not in the sense of feeling like the old you. And it's okay. I promise. It's hard though, really hard. So try not to take the "tough it out" approach.
And now a Sam story... A few weeks after I brought him home my mom came to visit and she said that she didn't think Ben and Sam looked alike. I was so upset. She thought I was joking and I finally had to tell her... "Mom, you need to stop saying that because I am actually getting upset here." I was almost crying.
It was actually great that it happened though. It was such a ridiculous thing to be upset about that I finally could see that my mood swings were obviously beyond my control. After that incident anytime anything like that happened I could just laugh and know that my hormones were making me crazy. I wasn't just being difficult. It wasn't my fault. I had finally found the key to relaxing in my lunacy.
I don't know why knowing I was completely out of control made things better, but it totally did. I think maybe it took off some of the pressure.
Ho. This is getting long. Are you still with me? I guess I'm saying your feelings are real, they aren't your fault, you aren't letting anyone including your baby down, and it's okay to tell people you are fragile and need to be treated gently, it might even be really important. Also, I'm praying for you sweetie. This is a great time, but it is such a hard time.
May God make His loving presence felt in your life. May He hold you up when you feel to tired to stand. May He comfort you when you feel lost and scared. May He keep little James safe and healthy. May you rest in His love and care when rest is hard to find.
(Okay, I'm finally done.
Becky, thank you. Thank you SO much for that.
Hi again Heather - I'm back home in BC now and I thought I'd respond to your last comment on my blog. First of all, I didn't realize how close Rosenort was to LaSalle until the last day when I asked my mom. Only 20 minutes! It probably still would've been a stretch to get together since all of our days were packed with stuff, but next time I'm home we'll have to see if we can meet!
The plane ride with Keziah was a breeze really. I was mostly worried about her ears and I tried to get her to suck a soother or nurse for take offs and landings. I couldn't always get her to do that (we had 4 flights, so that's 8 times of either going up or coming down!), but she didn't seem too bothered so I figured she was probably fine. Does James take a soother?
I only changed her diaper once on the plane and I just did it in the seat. We always had at least one empty seat beside us so it wasn't too hard. Hopefully you will have the same! Micah pooped his pants though on the way home and not only is he way bigger, but his diapers are way smellier, so Erik changed him in the bathroom. He said the change-table was really tiny (about half the length of Micah's body!) but it worked out fine, so I'm sure you could go in there too if you wanted.
Otherwise she pretty much slept the entire way. I think the white noise and vibrations of the airplane just lulled her to sleep. James will be a bit older when you take your trip so he may have more "awake" times than Keziah did on our trip, but he'll probably still be young enough to sleep most of the way.
I took Micah on a plane trip when he was 11 months and I just nursed him a lot when he fussed - so our regular schedule kind of went out the window for our traveling days, but it worked out fine!
Anyway, I hope you're adjusting more and more every day. I'm so glad to be back home and get back to a regular routine after this past week. I was EXHAUSTED last night when we got home!
he still sleeps w/ his arms up :-) so cute. Im sorry your having the baby blues.. I think its normal for most women.
I dont think you'll ever feel the same as you did before... but you do adjust to your new role as a Mommy and things get way better.
Heather,
I found your blog through Drea's and was intrigued when I saw your pregnancy photo because I was too pregnant. Then when I read your blog I was amazed to see that our pregnancy stories are quite similar. I too am a young Christian woman and I too had a miscarriage last September. I was 14 weeks when no heart beat was found. And well now I have a one week old son named Evan. Just wanted to let you know that I am feeling just like you... what happened to the old Beth?? I was so looking forward to having my baby boy and starting to feel "normal" again. I had no idea that "normal" would be sore breast, crying several times a day for no reason at all, and wondering what normal will be. Just wanted you to know that I KNOW what you are feeling and laughed when I read this post. I called my husband into the room and read it to him and then laughed and cried at the same time while I said... I guess what I am feeling is normal. Feel free to email me bethmoss@gmail.com maybe we can swap stories and experiences.
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