So, we're potty training. Why? Well, because I looked at the calendar a while back and this entire week had not one thing written in. That, and I sure am tired of wiping up big boy poop. James is a super smart kid - he GETS it. I don't have any worries that he isn't understanding the concept, or not knowing what to do. He knows, and he just doesn't WANT TO DO IT. Also, we want to put him into preschool in fall, and he has to be trained. Some say I should wait till summer. Really?! I don't think we'll want to take time out from the beautiful weather to potty train. Also, that means we're that much closer to "the deadline" and it just puts on more pressure. If he'd learn now, he has several more months to have it figured out by fall.Some have asked how I knew he was ready. I didn't know. I still don't know. He's never ever shown one "sign of readiness". He doesn't care if he is wet or pooped. He has never shown any sign of discomfort. He has never shown any interest in the toilet. He's watch others, and hasn't been interested. The kid couldn't begin to care. Perhaps all this is enough to say that he is NOT ready - even if he is 3.
I feel stuck.
I've done my fair share of potty-training research, listened to the "experts" (moms, friends, others), and I don't know what approach to take. Some say "tough love" is what he needs now, but others say "no, just make it all a happy experience or else he'll never go". I'm trying to do both.
Day 1: Ryan was home from work due to a storm, so I had extra help. Unfortunately, I think that was a little high pressure with both parents constantly hounding him. James was in underwear all day, and peed three times - all in his underwear. Two out of those three times he was given a chilly wash down in the tub, which resulted in tears and sadness. One of those times was when Rayya was sleeping, so we skipped the drama and just cleaned him up and that was it. He never pooped all day, and eventually he was put back in a diaper for night. We were putting him on the potty in front of the TV every 15-30 minutes, and kept him there for about 10 minutes each time. By the end of the day we were putting him on the potty every 30 minutes or more. He doesn't really complain being on the potty if he can watch TV. Desperate to give him an idea of a reward, I started to reward him for taking down his own pants and underwear. That didn't last.
Day 2: Today James got away on Ryan in the morning and pooped in the underwear first thing in the morning. Thankfully it was hard, and just rolled out with little clean-up required (note: always feed kids rice while potty training). For the rest of the morning I put him on the potty once every hour for 10-15 minutes. He drank lots of juice and milk, but still didn't go. During the time I had gone to put Rayya down for her nap, he peed in the underwear. He got a cold bath, cried, and is now down for his nap (with underwear on). I keep thinking that if he would just have ONE pee or poo on the potty he'll be set! I know him. He'll be so thrilled that he'll keep doing it. He just seems unable to relax and let it come out. I even tried putting his hands in warm water this morning while he sat there, and then poured it into the potty and that didn't do it either.
So, what next? I'm going to try the "everything about this is a party" approach after naptime. I've been strictly warned by some not to discipline him for accidents, and yet others say that he knows better and should get disciplined for accidents. Or are they really accidents? Not really, right? Because he knows what to do, and isn't doing it. I just don't know which route to go with this. It's hard! I just want him to get ONE pee or poop in the potty, and then I know he'll stick with it. How do I motivate him when bribes won't work? How can I get that pee flowing?
UPDATE: Well, we didn't have any luck this afternoon, and there were two accidents with pee. However, a MAJOR breakthrough this evening! Ryan was home from work, and watching James like a hawk. We had him naked from the waist down for a few hours. Ryan saw a dribble, put James on the potty, and voila! He peed! We are now having a full-on potty party, with jelly beans and marshmellows. All in time for a major sugar rush right before bed - but hey - this is a START!!!
3 comments :
oh heather..i feel with you. although jackson is 2 1/2 he knows and TELLS me he's peeing or pooping in his diaper. but sounds just like james...couldn't care less. my only addition to a very similar situation is that jackson is TERRIFIED of the toilet and potty. he stiffens his legs so much that i can't even make him sit on it. that poses a huge dilemna for me. i feel beat before i've even started. i'm waiting till march/april to try again in the hopes his strange fears will go away. i hope you found the right way for it to work for james.
My daughter Isabella was similar to patti's jackson - she decided she was freaked out of the toilet and freaked out to sit on it...but only when she knew she had to go. I was getting very frustrated with her as well, because she was strong willed, she just decided she didn't want to do it. She got the concept of everything she was just stuborn. She would sit on the potty and would try to get up when she had to go, I had to physically hold her down (I only did this because I knew she understood the concept!). She had to go so badly and she was trying so hard to hold it in (I was giving her lots of juice!) that she would finally go (but had lots of tears because she was being stuborn!) and then of course she would get rewarded. It only took a few days of that before she realized I meant business and I wouldn't let her have her own way. For the first bit until she had peed on the potty a few times, she was on it all the time. Not just 10 min every hour. I would give her snacks, juice, ect. We would read books and Preston would bring her toys. When I needed to cook, she was right there sitting. It was pee or you sit all day. I wasn't being mean or anything, but she needed to learn to make the choice. It was fun for her still, she got to watch treehouse or whatever as well, it's not like she was sitting in the corner all day! haha So I don't know if that helped at all, but maybe a few things you could use!
Also, don't stress about it, he can sense it. I also had a little baby around when training Preston so I understand there can be some struggles with that as well. Just understand it's a learning curve for him and you and just purpose that household things can be put on hold while you guys work through this.
I also found that pressing for the nap time dryness doesn't pay. They cannot control when they are sleeping, so I always used pullups at nap time and bed time, until they continually woke up dry. In my opinion if your child is day time trained, then they are potty trained. For some it just takes a bit longer for the night time thing...or he might clue in right away, but I wouldn't press that issue.
Well I hope you can use something I've said! haha Keep it up, you're a great mom and doing a great job!!!!
And bottom line, you know James best, so you know what will work best for him and what type of training he'll respond to best!
ah, potty training lol good times. I agree with Ryan's "no panties, no pants approach" for the beginning few days. You are losing precious seconds when you have to pull pants down when you are learning. Make potty training the only thing you have to do that day. (ok maybe feed Rayya too, lol) I would fill my daughter with water and juice and then grab a pile of books and sit and read for a long time while she sat on the potty until the miracle would happen. Then we would do the peepee dance. haha And then came the reward... What kid wouldn't want to dump the pee into the big toilet and flush. Talk about a reward!?!
Teaching a child to pee on the toilet is easier than to get them to relax enough to poop. With poop you almost have to know there schedule. For instance if he poops every morning as soon as he wakes up then that is the time of day you would concentrate on. I remember hugging and comforting her to get her to relax enough to push. Other times I found if I would leave the room it relaxed her more than me hovering.
Great job Heather. You are doing great. I'll be routing for you and James!
Post a Comment