CIO Nights No.1 & 2

Well, we did it folks - we started letting James cry-it-out. First off I have to say that it totally SUCKS! It breaks my heart every second that James is crying. I stand at his door in torture waiting for each interval of ten minutes to pass with tears streaming down my face. Here's the story...

Up until now, my hubby and I didn't really agree on how we wanted to handle James' night waking. My hubby was not interested in letting James cry-it-out (from here on in CIO), but I was ready to try anything. However, I felt we HAD to be on the same page before we could support each other through it. Finally, on Saturday night, after trying to put James down after a 12:00am bottle, Ryan walked out of his room while James wailed away in his crib. He refused to fall asleep, and the minute we would put him in his crib he would be up again. It was finally enough, and we agreed that he had to cry. We did decide though that because he is standing up in his crib, we would go in every 10 minutes, lay him down, and then walk out.

So, we did it. The first night was terrible. He went down to sleep around 8:00pm, and then woke up at 12:00am for a bottle. We had decided he could still have the usual 11:00pm bottle - but that night it was 12:00am. Then that whole fussing thing started, so it was time to let him CIO. He cried hard when we left the room, and immediately stood up in his crib. We waited ten minutes, went in, laid him down, patted his head, said "shhhhhh" and then walked out. He WAILED. He COUGHED. He GAGGED. It was BAD. My heart was aching, but I willed myself not to go in - and reminded myself that in the end, this pain will pay off. It took an hour, but finally he settled down (with those heart-wrenching after-cry hiccups), and fell asleep. He slept until almost 7:00am!

Last night was a little different. We were in the city for supper, and James slept on the way home so it sort of messed up his bedtime. He finally went down around 9:00pm. He was up at 11:00am for his bottle, which was fine, and he seemed to go down again relatively easily. He woke up at 4:00am. It was time to let him cry again. It was much the same as the previous night. We went in at 10 minute intervals to lay him down, pat his head, etc. It took an hour, but again he finally settled and slept until 8:00am.

So, tonight we will continue with CIO. The plan remains to put him down around 8:00pm, let him have the 11:00pm bottle, and anything after that is CIO. I am just praying it won't take more than a week to have him sleeping from 8:00pm to 11:00pm, and then 11:00pm to 7:00am. After that, we hope to work on eliminating that 11:00 bottle. If you think to pray for us too, that would be great. I can't remember the last time I had to have this much will power. It hurts this mommy's heart to hear her first born cry like that, but I know that we all need to start sleeping - so this is our last resort.

Another Sleep-Deprived Week

Are you sick and tired of hearing my complaints about the sleep issues at our house? If yes, please skip this post. If no, and you care to read about what is going on and either want to help or empathize, read on!

The last week has been the roughest we've ever had as far as sleep goes. Not only was this a week of milestones and many bumps and bruises, but it has also been exhausting. During the day, James is basically happy, energetic and wanting to learn, touch, explore EVERYTHING! It's crazy! He has another tooth coming in now, and possibly more on the way. He is crawling full speed, and starting to pull himself up on things - including his CRIB. Last night he was up from 4:00am to about 6:30am. Every time he would finally fall asleep in our arms, and we'd put him in the crib, it wouldn't take more than a few minutes before he was standing and crying. At one point we finally laid him down, and walked out of the room. He cried hard for 10 minutes, and I couldn't take it any longer so I went in. He hicupped after that for almost an hour! I felt terrible, but even worse is this shadow over us that is our lack of sleep. My hubby is finally fed up too, but we don't know what to do. Can we assume that he is really not suffering from any unseen problem, and just let him cry? Having no sleep, it is hard to make decisions, and it is difficult to be rational - particularly at 5:00am. I am surprised we are not divorced yet.

Seriously, I find this sleep situation distressing now. At first I was able to somewhat embrace it, but it has progressively gotten worse and worse. I am very officially at my wits end, and I don't know what to try next. I think everyone I know is just sick of me by now, so I feel somewhat abandoned with this problem, and on top of it we get very little time by ourselves. Time without James has now become almost a necessesity. Things sort of feel very fragile around here right now. Even this post doesn't entirely make sense in my opinion. Anyway, he is down now for the night (9:00pm), so I am going to end here and try to get some sleep before the party starts.

World's Worst Mother Moment

Ah, the blissful sound of a quiet house as little James takes his morning nap. Mom is happily checking up on her emails when suddenly the silence is broken by... THUMP! Mom's heart stops momentarily as she realizes the "thump" can only be one thing. The silence in the house is no longer blissful, but rather panic-inducing as mom rushes out of the office and down the stairs as fast as possible. Upon reaching the bottom stair the scream errupts, and the wailing follows. Mom (feeling like the world's biggest failure), rushes into her bedroom to find her dear little James on his knees on the laminate floor. His little nogan is garnished with a sizeable purple welt, as he decided that his adventure over the pillow-fence onto the floor should be head-first. As mom wipes tears (some of her own), kisses the "boo-boo" and rushes to find a cold compress, the world slowly becomes a happier place again. Little James will no longer take naps on Mom's bed. Mom also decides to play it safe, and calls Health Links, just to make sure she shouldn't go to the hospital. She also has grandpa come over to wire the phone shelf to the wall, and puts up the baby gate at the stairs. At least there were some smiles afterwards...

We Need Skidpants!

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting

F.R.O.G.

*NEW* Update at the end of this post!

I love it when God gives me one of the those ever appreciated slaps upside the head! I got one yesterday, and although I know I will likely need a reminder again, I sure hope that I've learned my lesson this time. It's pretty incredible that God chose to give me a miraculous answer to prayer in order to teach me this particular lesson. When will I ever learn to just trust Him, and stop relying on my own (failing) knowledge?!

As you may have gathered, if you read my blog regularly, James is not exactly a champion night sleeper. Over the past few months his nights have seemingly gone from okay, to not great, to pretty bad. We were feeling pretty tired, and it's been taking a toll on us emotionally, physically, socially... and for me, spiritually. This sleep-deprivation problem became magnified this week as James came down with a bad cold, began teething hard core, crawling, etc. I don't believe I got more than about 3 hours of (unrestful) sleep over the last week. We were both, to term, absolutely exhausted - almost to the brink and teetering on complete melt down. This is NOT a good state for any parent to be in at all. I kept praying for sleep, and each night I would crawl into bed with dread in my heart for the up-coming night. Anxiety would keep me from falling into sleep, and before long James was awake and crying - and the night adventures of sleeplessness would begin again.

Yesterday afternoon I went on a walk with my amazing neighbour and friend Rebekah, and she prayed with me about the problem. I felt slightly lighter as I made my way home, and just asked God to help me make Him a part of the rest of my day. As I walked through the yard, I decided that I would eliminate ALL medications for James that day. I would also make sure he didn't get any other sources of sugar. I had sort of figured lately that the meds were making him hyper, and he had also been getting a lot of unauthorized sweet treats from grandparents lately too.

Around 8:00pm I began to get that lump in my throat as the dread of the night started to sneak into my soul. Aloud I told Satan to stop attacking my mind, and immediately I felt that I needed to go to James' room. I stepped into his room, and almost felt the hand of God Himself push me to my knees. I sat on the floor and weeped, and asked God to be present in that room. Again, I asked God out loud to get rid of all evil in that room. I prayed and quoted Scripture over James' crib, asking God to make it free of sickness, fear, and insecurity. I asked that his room be filled with the peace of God, and angels of protection. I prayed in his room for about 45 minutes, and was left with a four-word phrase that I had heard many years ago - "Fully Rely On God". You may remember the days of W.W.J.D., and one of these such phrases was F.R.O.G. I went to bed, and had continuous urges to feel anxiety, but I would say to myself "fully rely on God, fully rely on God". I fought Satan's attacks on my mind, and with God's help, I fell into a GOOD sleep and decided to let God be in charge of the night.

I woke up around midnight to a silent house. Before I had a chance to fret, the phrase came into my head "fully rely on God". I stopped my negative thoughts, chastized Satan for tempting me to worry, and went back to sleep. I woke again at 2:00am, to a silent house! I went back to sleep. Finally, at 3:00am I actually awoke to James' soft crying - but Ryan was on his way in with a bottle. James was quiet within minutes, and back to sleep quickly. I fell back to sleep. My next awakening was at 6:50am, when James woke up for the day. He played happily in his crib until 7:15am, when I went in to get him and brought him into our bed to play.

PRAISE BE TO GOD - THE HEALER, THE MIRACLE MAKER, THE CREATOR - MY SAVIOUR!

I can only hope and pray that we continue to improve our sleep, and James' nights. I am going to do the same thing again tonight, and just hand over this problem to God. Please pray that I will not be discouraged even if tonight does not go well. I hope I've encouraged you today to F.R.O.G. It worked for me!

UPDATE: Once again, I prayed over James' room last night. James went to bed at 8:30pm, and woke up at 11:00pm for a bottle. He had a little bit of a tough time getting back to sleep, but finally was asleep by 12:00am. He slept until 6:00am, and then was up on-and-off until about 6:45am. I caved in at that time and went to get him. All in all, a pretty good night once again! A bit of an early morning, but oh well!

8 Month Monkey

Wow - I wish I had more time and energy to post about my amazing 8 month old. Unfortunately, he has come down with a nasty cold, and has kept us up for almost a week now. He has started crawling. He has one tooth, and I think three more on their way. He is hilarious. He is still smiley and friendly as ever. He laughs a lot. He makes us laugh a lot. I've been trying to cherish these last few nights, thinking that someday he won't call out for me when he doesn't feel good. He's still so small, and yet I know that these days will pass quickly and I'll wonder where my little boy went!

I'm still very seriously thinking about shutting down the 'ol blog. It's draining me of precious time and energy, and yet I hate to miss out on the many friendships I've made. As I prayerfully consider what I need/want to do, I just ask that you please keep coming back to check in on us!

Sick Little Monkey

Last night was really bad, but at least I now know why! I put James to bed, and he seemed to go down relatively fine - but I did notice that he sounded congested. An hour later he was up, and he was crying very hard. I decided to let him cry a bit, thinking that I was finally going to "lay down the law". After 10 minutes I couldn't take it anymore, and he was coughing and breathing really hard - so I went in to rescue him. He fell asleep in my arms within a few minutes, so I put him back into the crib. He woke up the instant his head touched the mattress - so I attempted this three or four times before I finally had success. I had to prop him up on his side, and that worked. That was around 10:00pm. At 1:00am he woke up again, and again he was crying hard. The crying is unusual. His night wakings are usually just whining until he gets a bottle, so when he cries hard like that and has tears it means he's really upset. I went in and picked him up, but he wasn't even really awake. He kept his eyes shut, and just kept trying to bury his head into my neck. I felt so bad for him - he sounded extremely congested. Finally he fell asleep with his head on my chest, arms over my shoulders. It was really priceless, and although it was 1:30am I didn't want to put him down. I kept telling myself to cherish the moment. Someday he'll be too big to sleep on me like that! I carried him around like that until 2:00am, and then got my hubby to help me set up his rocking chair to sleep in. The rocking chair has a "brake" so that it doesn't rock, and then he is at least propped up enough to breath easier. Once I finally had him in there, he slept until 7:15am!

So, this morning I took him to the Dr. to have his ears checked. Thankfully his ears are clear, but the Dr. did say that he may still have fluid putting pressure on his ear drums - and that could give him an ear ache. I gave him Tylenol for the discomfort, and Dimetapp to clear up his congestion and he seemed to be happier. Tonight I gave him a cough/cold medication, and put him to bed in his rocker again. I feel confident that we all may sleep pretty well tonight... and then when he is healthy again, I WILL lay down the law!

P.S. Thanks Erica for sharing with me how to do this cool effect on photos. I love it!

Just Venting... Again.

The last three nights have been almost the worst we've ever had with James since he was born. I just don't know if I can blame it on teething, or what?! He had a good night from Friday to Saturday. He was up only once between 11:30pm and 7:30am. Then we went to a cabin from Saturday to Sunday, and he was up several times between 8:00pm and 1:00am, and then finally slept until about 6:30am. I figured it was just the strange surroundings, and the playpen that he slept in. Then came Sunday night, which was really bad. He woke up numerous times throughout the night, and then woke up early. So then there was last night. He was up three times between 8:00pm and 2:00am, and at that point I told my hubby I was ready to just let him cry. I should mention that before bed I gave him teething tablets, and Motrin in the case he was having teething pain. My hubby didn't want to let him cry, so he went in at 2:30am and tried to give James a bottle. I should also mention that during all of these night wakings, James hasn't wanted a bottle or a soother - he is just awake, and upset. I fell into bed exhausted, and didn't hear anything until I woke up this morning. However, my hubby reported that James was up numerous times during the night after that - and he held him and let him sleep in his arms for a few hours. This is seriously NOT working for us right now!

In all other regards, James has been great. He naps well during the day (usually two 1.5-2 hour naps). He eats well, and is happy and content for most of the day. He seems to be going down relatively easily at bedtime, around 8:00pm. I know all of the usual suspects too: it's a habit for him, he is teething, he's gassy, etc, etc. He hasn't been gassy, and although it may be a habit - it's not a habit for him to be up THIS much!

I'm actually not really seeking advice this time around. I know that I need to just implement a plan and go with it - and be CONFIDENT in my decision. I don't want to let him cry though if he is having teething pain - but I find it curious that he would have that much pain even after the teething tablets and Motrin? I never imagined being this exhausted. I want to have fun and have energy to play with James during the day, but I feel like I am just dragging myself around. I know many people tell me this is normal, but it sure doesn't feel normal. In fact, it doesn't feel healthy at all - and I think it is even bad for our marriage at this point! Basically, I can say I am looking for comments from anyone who can relate. Don't tell me if you can't relate, because that isn't what I need right now! Where are you tired, not-sleeping-through-the-night mamas?! Let's join forces, and fight the evil lack of sleep!

Gazebo

I just picked up this new screened gazebo at JYSK this week. I was pretty stoked that it was on sale for $99.99! The mosquitos are so bad here I was never able to take James outside. Now with this nice little shelter, I will be able to play outside with him. Of course I woke up this morning and it was raining, so I can't even use it today! By the way, click here to enter into a draw for some really, REALLY cute onesies from Blessed Baby Blessing. I hope I win, so if you DON'T enter, I'll have a better chance. Hahaha! Just kidding, go and enter (and if you win you can just give me the prize).

James' New Trick

Sadly, he basically does this almost constantly now throughout the day. It was funny at first... This is also medium volume, and medium pitch. It fluctuates from low volume, low pitch to HIGH volume, HIGH pitch.

Just Had to Share

Thanks to Jeremy for sending us these great photos he took while we visited them last week. In the one where I am kissing James, if you look REALLY close at his mouth, you can see his little white tooth!

Self Doubt

I am having a bit of a complex this week. One of my greatest weaknesses is that I compare myself to others a lot, not physically, or anything like that - more often, I compare my accomplishments with others. I tend to be very competitive, but I do it somewhat quietly, and a lot of it is in my head. I get hurt easily and begin to doubt myself, especially if I think someone else is doing a better job at something than I am - and then I decide I should probably just quit. This is how I feel about my blog this week.

It may be hormones, but this week I just feel like giving up my blog. I feel like I have no time to read other peoples' blogs, and comment the way I would like to. I also have noticed that I am seemingly posting things here for an audience of about 5-10 bloggers. Maybe there are hundreds of lurkers, but I seem to have lost my initial motivation for blogging. I started it as a place to vent my feelings, and to record my pregnancy. It was just for me, and I didn't care if anyone read it at all. Now I feel like I am sort of doing it for response. If I get a lot of comments, I'm happy. If I get few, I'm discouraged. And then, if I go to another person's blog and they have tonnes of comments, I'm downright upset. This is craziness - and I don't think it's healthy!

So, don't suddenly feel like now you have to flood my comment box with comments! Hahaha! I just wanted to let you know that I may be shutting this part of my life down. Possibly permanently, maybe just temporarily, maybe not at all. But one of my other goals was to use my blog as a place to be real and open, and now I am sharing something that I struggle with. I am trying to give it to God, and see in what direction He will lead me with it. For now, I just thank those who have been walking with me on this journey up until now. I truly love each of you so very much, and your words over the last 2 years have been incredibly helpful and encouraging.

Sleep Update

Considering that we were just about to embark on our trip to BC, I decided to wait on letting James "cry-it-out" until we were home. It seemed unfair to expect him to start sleeping longer hours, and then mess it all up almost immediately with a trip. I also decided to go against my rule of "no books", and ordered two. These books are totally opposite of each other. I bought Dr. Ferber's book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems". The one I got in the mail just before we left is called "The No Cry Sleep Solution". The basic elements of the book are:

• Uncover the stumbling blocks that prevent baby from sleeping through the night
• Determine--and work with--baby's biological sleep rhythms
• Create a customized, step-by-step plan to get baby to sleep through the night
• Use the Persistent Gentle Removal System to teach baby to fall asleep without breast-feeding, bottlefeeding, or using a pacifier

I read the book while we were away, and I liked a lot of the ideas. I decided that I would try it when we got home. James slept really well on our trip though. Maybe it was just that he was so tired each night, or maybe it was that he liked knowing we were close by, but he did really well. Amazing, considering how many places we ended up staying for the night - and each one different than before. It also amazed me that he slept so well in a totally different time zone. He basically switched over to BC time on the first night.

Well, we got home on Wednesday night, and it was a little rough for James. I didn't blame him though, his day was pretty hectic - and we got home quite late. On Thursday night I wasn't ready to start my new sleep program (too tired from the night before), and we took him to his first Bomber game. Again, a really weird day for James - and a little late again too, but because he was on BC time, he did okay. I put him down to bed at 9:15pm (which would be 7:15pm BC time). I usually give him a bottle before bed, but he didn't really seem to want it. I put it away, and he fell right to sleep. We didn't hear from him again until 5:30am!!! I was SHOCKED! This was a pretty major deal - because he hasn't slept 8 hours since... it's been a long time!!! In fact, he hasn't slept more than 5 hours for the last few months. I am a bit suspicious if he has been waking up because of teething. His bottom two teeth just popped out past his gums this week... coincidence? Anyway, Ryan gave him a bottle - he nearly finished the 6oz. - and then slept until 8:00am! Beautiful.

Anyway, I don't want to get my hopes up. I put him down again tonight at 9:00pm, and he didn't even really want his bottle - he just wanted to sleep! I'm praying that we have turned a corner, and that we may be on to some better sleep in the near future.

Update: Last night wasn't great. James was up at 11:45pm, 2:30am, and 5:30am. On the bright side, he didn't seem to need a bottle to fall asleep. He would take his soother, but also needed to be rocked. He did also sleep until 8:15am again, which is nice compared to 6:00 or 7:00. Today we have kept him up almost all morning (as the day before he napped for almost 4 hours altogther), and just put him down for his first nap at 2:30pm. I'm hoping that if he naps less he may sleep a little better. He seems to be in good spirits, so we'll see...

BC Trip Update

Our trip to BC was really great. We sort of pulled it together very last minute, as my brother came home from Mexico and could look after Ryan's business for a week while we went away. So, off we went.

We flew to Kelowna, spent one night, and then drove from Kelowna to Vancouver. Being one to relish a moment, and totally forget my camera, I have no pictures to prove any of this. All my memories are in my head.


On the drive, we made a pit stop in Abbottsford so that we could meet Jamie, Micah and Keziah! It was so neat to meet them, and the best part was that it felt totally normal.

We spent a few days in Vancouver. We went to Stanley Park, and took James to the Vancouver aquarium. He seemed to like the big fish tanks.

Then we were back on our way to Kelowna again - which was not a great drive. We got stuck in some pretty heavy traffic, James wouldn't nap, and then we hit fog, and a big downpour. It wasn't fun.

Once we were settled in Kelowna though, things were much better. The weather was perfect, there were ZERO mosquitos - and great friends. Again, I took very few photos - but I caught this beauty of James and daddy, and we did snap a few at the Red Rooster winery, and on Canada Day at the beach.

I also got to fulfill a life-long dream of mine. I picked and ate cherries right off the TREE! It was amazing!

All-in-all James did awesome on the trip. By the second night he was totally on BC time, which is 2 hour earlier than here at home. However, the last two days of the trip and travelling home have really thrown off his schedule - so nights have been pretty rough. Oh, and I made a quick IKEA stop too. I didn't get much, due to limited luggage space - but I did pick up this thing for James, and he LOVES it! Fifteen dollars well-spent.