Monday, May 28

A Whole New Thang!

WARNING: This is a long post, with no pictures, hope you have some time. It even has chapter headings.

Gangsta'
So my husband had to laugh at me yesterday because apparently I've picked up some gangsta' slang, and he doesn't think it really suits me. I don't know what he's talking about. I was certain that I was really pulling off the whole gangsta'-from-the-ghetto thing pretty well. Maybe not.

Props
My husband laughed when I said, "I had to give this mom in church props...". Anyway, besides my new habit of using ghetto slang, I really did have to give a thumbs up to this mom who was in front of us in church yesterday. She has three kids, girls aged 6 and 2, and a son who is 4. Her son was getting restless half way through the message, and was starting to stir up trouble with his two sisters. It escalated until the point where people in the near vicinity were doing the disgruntled turn and glare. At that point, the mom (who is also pregnant with No.4) picked up her son, put him on her lap and started to give him a back massage. He settled down quickly, and she continued to give him a massage until the service was over. He didn't make another peep, and the two girls coloured quietly without disturbance. I had to say to myself, "Smart move lady!". I've been hearing more and more about infant/toddler massage, and here was evidence that it can also be used to settle a restless child, quietly! If you think about how a back massage relaxes your own body, it certainly makes sense that you could use it to relax a child. Of course, the child will have to be one that will sit and enjoy the back massage, and it may not be fool proof, but hey - worth a try, don't you think? I'm definately going to remember that.

New Baby
I was totally THRILLED that Erik, Amber, Hailey and JAYDA were also in church on Sunday! I don't know what it is about Jayda, but every time I've seen a picture of her on Amber's blog I have been moved to tears. It was no different seeing her in real life in church yesterday. I guess maybe I just think it's so special that Amber, my friend since... well, almost since we were born, now has two daughters, sisters. I think it also just seemed like such a long wait for this little one, now that she is here and just so perfect... well, just another example of God's amazing miracle of life. Even Ryan said that she really is perfect. She doesn't have that "newborn" look to her, she is already so beautiful.

Exhaustion
This past week was basically one of the worst I've had in a long time. James just wasn't sleeping or napping regularly, and I was absolutely exhausted. In fact, I was tell-husband-to-pack-bags-and-leave exhausted. Yes, at one point during the middle of the night when James was crying I actually told my husband that he could pack his bags in the morning and leave. How bad is THAT?! I did apologize later, because I knew I was speaking out of anger, frustration and pure lack of sleep. I'm so thankful that my husband has thick skin in situations like that. He did forgive me, and we are still together. (wink, wink) Some nights like that I just lose all control over my tongue, and I lash out at anything within hearing range - because I certainly can't lash out at James. The word exhausted has a whole new meaning to me now. The books are sure right when they say you won't know exhaustion until you are a parent.

New Scheduling
The worst night was Friday, when James was up every hour from 8:30pm until 2:30am. When he finally fell asleep, he woke up at 6:30am, and didn't nap more than an hour for the rest of the day. (insert scream and hair-pulling here) I was flipping out! What was going on? I prayed, and prayed just for enough energy to pull me through. Saturday evening we went to a local restaurant for supper with Ryan's parents. Due to the rain, and the fact that it was buffet night, the place was packed and we had to wait a long time for food. I was getting nervous about how James would handle it. At 7:00pm the place had pretty much cleared out, and I was walked around with James resting on my shoulder. He was out like a light by about 7:15, and stayed asleep while we put him in his carseat and took him home. When we got home, even though he was due to eat, we just put him in his room in his carseat. He slept until 10:30pm, and seeing as we were still awake, it didn't bother us one bit to go and feed him as usual and then put him in his crib. He slept until 3:00am and I went in to feed him again. He then slept until 7:00am, but stayed happy in his crib until 7:30am! WOW! We were stoked. He then napped in the morning before church from 9:00am to 10:00am (we had to wake him to get ready for church). He then napped from 1:00pm - 3:00pm. He was happy and content all evening, and we decided we would put him to bed last night at 7:30pm again. This is an hour earlier than usual. He went down fine, although he woke up at 8:30 and complained for some reason, so I had to do the pick up/put down thing. It worked the first try. Then last night was much more like his usual pattern, the one that we liked! He was up at 11:30, got fed, up at 3:30 and got fed and then up at around 6:30 - but happy to be in his crib until about 7:00. All in all, I think this new schedule is going to work out fine. Of course, I'm not crossing my fingers on this yet - you just never know, tonight may be a whole new story!

Encouraging Words
Even though James went down fine last night, I still broke down (still tired I think) after he was asleep. Somedays I just wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I wonder if he will turn out okay, and if he is truly happy. My husband did the perfect thing for me at that point. He just wrapped me in his arms, and told me how great a mom I was, and that he loved me and that James loves me. He told me how much he appreciates all I do, and he told me that it is evident by looking at James that he well taken care of, healthy, and content. It felt so great to be told that from my husband. So often I feel like no one notices how hard I work to try and be a good mom, so when it does finally get mentioned it renews my strength and my will to go on like nothing else could.

Bible Reading
Our Bible Study group is taking the book "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer. We are really enjoying it a lot. The book has challenged me to think about being more knowledeable of the Word. I decided it was time to read through my Bible in a year. There is a schedule for that in the back of my Bible, so I have been doing that for about a week now. I currently have three days of catch-up reading to do, and I should be doing that NOW instead of blogging - but hopefully I will do it right after this. It already makes me feel better knowing that I am reading the Word daily, and filling my mind with it. I would highly encourage you to do the same thing. It feels so good. The idea is that by knowing the Word, you can use it to protect yourself from lies that the devil may try to tell you. The devil has been trying to convince me that I am not a good mother, and a terrible wife and friend, so I am going to surround myself with the Word, and watch as the devil flees from it.

Conclusion
Well, if you made it this far, I commend you! I guess I had a lot on my mind this weekend, and I just had to get it all out. I hope you have a blessed week!

13 comments :

Summer said...

Hope the new sheduling works for you.

Jamie said...

Heather - your week sounds a little like mine but my frustrations were towards Micah. I think it was probably the most challenging week I've had to date as a parent. I am suddenly overwhelmed with the task of raising him up to be a well-behaved and godly little man and last week he was SO difficult that I didn't know where to start. I felt like he was beyond help. Anyway, I know that feeling of thinking you're failing at motherhood and that somehow you're screwing your kids up (or worse, that you already HAVE screwed them up irrepairably!!) It's definitely easy to feel alone. Yes, there are millions of mothers experiencing the same feelings, but we are all holed up in our houses feeling like the only ones.

I really hope this new bedtime works for you. Maybe James was just overtired by 8:30. I used to try to keep Keziah up until at least 8 but lately she is going down as early as 7 some nights. I always get nervous about how early she will wake up when I do that, but it hasn't been a problem so far!

Anyway, I just want you to know(without even REALLY knowing you) that I think you are a wonderful mother!! Just the way you write about James and worry about him is testimony to how much you love him and want what's best for him!

I hope you have a better week!

Jobina said...

I have to give you "props"! You husband is so right, you are a good mom! You love James, you parent him with tenderness and affection, you pray for and about him...the list goes on. Keep it up sista'!
I'm trying to read through my bible too! I have tried doing it in a year before and just couldn't make it work, so this time I thought I'd just take it a chapter at a time and see how long it takes. Somedays I get so into it (and I have time) so I read more, other days it gets skipped altogether, most days I make it through my one chapter. Right now I'm in the middle of Moses' story. Enjoy your time reading!

Elina said...

Hi Heather. I just bought "The Baby Whisperer"... is the pick up/put down thing you speak of what that book talks of? If so, have you used it much? Does it really work? I'm thinking of givign it a whirl... daytime naps are NOT fun around here as my little guy gets himself SO overtired and dI can't seem to get him to go down w/o a good cry fit... I am afraid I'll be getting him dependant on daytime napping after a bottle if I don't nip this!

Thanks Heather.

Kara said...

Hi Heather, I am a frequent reader of your blog (I saw it on Amber's blog) and I wanted to comment first to say hi and also to comment on infant massage. Currently I am in school for massage therapy and the whole concept of infant/child massage intrigues me. It is something I intend to get more schooling in, but I just wanted you to know, that Massage has HUGE impacts and benefits for both the child and the parent. It is quite facinating to research.

Christy said...

Aww Heather! There must be something in the water becasue we had a very tiring weekend with our daughter too. She woke up every two hours for two nights in a row but last night was back to normal! You are not alone! I think I seem to handle it differently with my daughter than I did with my son because I know there is an end in sight. Honestly before you know it they are sleeping through the night! Vent all you want on here that is what we are all here for! We all need to be reminded that what we are going through is very normal!

Anonymous said...

Elina - It sucks when our little babes don't want to nap, hey? I don't know what your schedule is like, but I do try to do the eat/awake/sleep routine - James eats every four hours, so he eats, is up for two hours, and then naps for two hours, eats... and so on. It works pretty well, give or take. I don't own the book "Baby Whisperer", but I heard about the pick up/put down thing, so I decided to try it. So far I don't have issues with James sleeping, I just want to cut out his bottles - so I tried the pick up/put down just to see how it would work. By pure fluke it seemed to work the first time I tried it, but I don't know how it works with a baby that refuses to sleep. James always goes down at night with a bottle - so if that works for you, I wouldn't worry about continuing it. For nap time, I swaddle James and walk/rock/bounce him until he falls almost asleep and then I put him in his crib. I have NO idea if I have really answered your question, I'm just letting you know how I do things!

Amber said...

Thanks for the sweet little write up about our family. It left me shaking my head after I read ALL 4 OF OUR NAMES you listed (I don't know, going from 3 family members to 4 just seems like a HUGE jump!!!) Talking to Ryan after church made me think that he HAS to be a Daddy to a girl yet someday...that would just be too cute!!

I know what you mean about babies, they are Gods greatest creation...an absolute miracle every time!

Erica H said...

Wow, Heather...Have our babies been conspiring together behind our backs to see who can get their mom to pull all their hair out with frustration first??? James' schedule on Friday is almost identical to how Annika's was last Tuesday night! I hope he's been sticking to his "new" schedule for you!!! Sometimes I feel like this hard time just has to end sometime...it can't go on forever, right?? RIGHT???? I've been trying something new with Annika to help her fall asleep on her own, I haven't posted anything about her sleeping lately on my blog because I want to see if this is going to work...we're trying to break old habits.

Trev and Rebekah said...

Heather you are doing a great job. Like I said, no one out there has a James. You are the best mom you can be to him. Remember the note you put on my wall when I got home from the hospital? Trust your own instincts not everyone else's around you.
Hang in there.

Elina said...

Hi Heather, yes you were a tremendous help! Sounds like we actually have similar routines! I tried to stop swaddling Brendan but I had to go back to it during the day. He naps better. The only problem I have w/ him is like I said, he gets overtired and then cries b/c he's so frustrated. I've been watchign him more closely and trying to catch him before he hits that stage. Also, he falls asleep at his bedtime bottle to! I don't have any intentions of stopping that either... it works. Whatever.

I wish he'd do the two 1 1/2-2 hr naps but he doesn't. He does cat nap, 3 hr nap, cat nap. Works for him so why change it. He's not tired and cranky (w/ the exception of before naps if he's over tired) so why try to fix it if it ain't broke!!!

Thanks again, you were a big help!

Janelle said...

i totally remember those nites Heather! i had them wayyyyyy tooooo often! i also have had my days of telling Rod to get-the-heck out when i really have just wanted him to come a little closer! all those hormones...all those sleepless nites...all those feeling of inadequacy. but Heather! you are an amazing Mommy...you love that boy sooo much and it's very obvious. you know what a TRUE miracle he is. what a gift he is. and you look to God for guidance. don't doubt that for a second. and i love what you say about reading the bible so that those thoughts of failure will flee. be encouraged my dear! i think back to when Kamryn was under a year and i have no idea how i made it through but i also look back now and barely even remember what it was like because it went by SOOOOOO fast!!! i promise...it just keeps getting BETTER and BETTER. and He will carry you through it all so that you can be THE best parents! you also have a supportive man by your side that adores your little boy. that's a HUGE blessing!
i love you & just remember - LISTEN to your heart. it always tells you the truth.
p.s. i find i use some gansta talk every now and then...too much Miami Ink i think...haha!!!
p.p.s i have to say -i'm super jealous that you got to see Jayda! give her a BIG kiss from me!

Lindsay said...

Heather, I just wanted to say hi and encourage you today. I love your authenticity... It takes so much courage to share the *real* things that are going on in your world, and I know that it's an encouragement to more people than you realize. I have no doubt in my mind that you're an amazing mom - and James is lucky to be in a family with you and Ryan.

It's a great thing that each day starts fresh, isn't it? :)