My Jamers

James is just the greatest kid. Really. He is so encouraging, kind, and sensitive. He is a super stellar big brother! He's smart, and loves projects. He is always the first person to run up to me in the morning with a huge hug, a big "I love you Mom", and sometimes even "You smell sooooo good Mom". I couldn't be more in love with my little boy.

His sensitivity is mostly good - but it has it's downsides. I didn't think I would already be dealing with school-related teasing, but it has begun. How do kids just KNOW which kid hates being teased? And then why do they HAVE to test the boundaries of that teasing? Well, James is being teased at school, and it hurts him. He seems confused about why the one little girl that he like SO MUCH, and want to be friends with is saying mean things to him. My heart just breaks. They aren't serious offenses, but it's still hard to hear my little boy asking me what "scaredy cat" means. He didn't want to wear a costume for their class party this week, but I sent one along just in case. Apparently he wore it briefly for a photo - and in that short time span, this girl told him his costume was funny, "and she said it in a mean way". Wow, evil is just so prevalent - even in these young kids, who have grown up in wonderful Christian homes!

We've been praying for this girl EVERY night - and if I forget, James will remind me. I don't really know how to walk with him through this. I try to reassure him of our love, and that this girl's remarks aren't true, and that he can stick by the friends that are nice. But just like us as adults, the cutting words ring out in James' mind more than any of the encouraging words do. I hope he'll be able to get past this, and in some ways I hope he can toughen up - but only a bit! I love my sensitive, caring boy. What this girl doesn't realize is that someday James is going be a GREAT husband!

Three Little Birds

I didn't notice at first, but God has been trying to get my attention through a secular song for the last couple of months. I love music, and God often speaks very strongly to me through the lyrics of songs.
It came up the first time while we were away for September long weekend. We stayed at a resort, where they hold a talent night for the staff and guests. Two girls that were working there from Jamaica went up, and sang a Bob Marley song that I hadn't heard before. It's called "Three Little Birds". I listened to the song, but was distracted by something so I didn't hear God whispering to me to listen closer.
Considering I had never heard that song before, I was surprised when a few weeks later I turned the radio on in the van and heard that song come on! I don't often listen to that station, but had decided I wanted a change of music. We were all in the van together, Ryan, the kids and I. Suddenly, the lyrics of the song took on a whole new meaning. God whispered, "This is for you". Who knew He could speak through secular music?!
Since then, I have heard the song on that same station two more times, and have listened to it often on YouTube. Each time I get goosebumps, because I know that this song is God speaking directly to me. The words are simple, and repetitive, but that doesn't take away from the message He wants me to know.
The "three little birds" lyrics stand out to me too, in three ways. In one way, they represent to me my three miscarriages. In another way, they seem to symbolize the three children we'd like to have. But they also stand out to me as representing the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I hope you can be blessed by the song too!

Workin' On It...

The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives:

love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Rayya - 13 Months

Every time I write about Rayya I get all teary-eyed, and sappy. I guess it's because we just didn't really know if we would get to have her... and now we do. It's a gift that never gets old. A blessing that we are reminded of every second of every day.

Rayya has 7 teeth - and really knows how to use them! She LOVES table food, and eats ANYTHING. It's amazing! She hates it if anyone is eating in front of her, and will beg until she gets to have a taste. Some of her favourites are noodles, bananas, sweet potatoes, pears, and ham. She is also working on using a sippy cup, and we're slowly seeing the end to the day of bottles.

Rayya is nearly 95% happy. Even her bad moods are quite laughable really! She'll cry when she gets hurt - but only ones that hurt a lot. She's pretty tough. James is fabulous with her - but every now and then she still gets toppled. I think James usually takes it harder than she does!

She loves walks in the stroller, and crawling around in the grass outside. Because she'll eat anything, I have to watch her pretty closely! She isn't a big fan of being in her carseat for very long though. Unlike her big brother, she REFUSES to sleep in the car, unless she is so tired that she can't stay awake any longer.

Rayya smiles and laughs a lot, and gets lots of attention for her very blonde hair and very blue eyes. She's a heartbreaker! She also has her mommy and daddy wound around her little finger. Perhaps it's the way she makes us feel like a million bucks with her squeals of joy when she sees us. Or maybe it's all the love and cuddles, and roly-poly playing that makes us feel that way. What a joy she is!

Rayya still isn't walking. She will only walk holding my fingers, and ONLY mine. If anyone else tries to walk with her, she flops to the floor. She also walks on her knees sometimes, which looks hilarious! She jumps on her knees too - trying to mimic James when he's on the trampoline. She just started standing on her own in the middle of the room recently - but will only do it if James and I are there, and no one else is around. I hope she walks soon -though she is extremely fast crawling! We call her "Turbo".

Rayya seems to be in transition right now with her naps. Up till now she was still having an hour long morning nap, and a 1-2 hour afternoon nap. Lately she is fighting both naps, and waking up quite early. She can skip her morning nap for a day or two, but by day three she needs one. So, we're trying to figure it out, and hopefully soon we'll be down to one nap a day. I like having a morning that is nap-free!

So that's my Rayya. She is a sweet little, dainty thing - and super fun to be around!

Thinking Out Loud

I guess I'm not really thinking out loud so much as I'm putting my thoughts on screen. Whatever. It doesn't matter - you know what I mean, right? I don't like it when people get hung up on saying things EXACTLY as you mean them. If you get it, then why correct it.
On to next thought...
I feel so bad for little Rayya in that where I documented James' every move and milestone of his first few years of life, Rayya is lucky to get a post on her significant monthly milestones! Poor gal! It certainly isn't because she is any less loved... but perhaps because the love has grown in our household to the point that I can't spend as much time away from my kids. I like to be with them and available to them - and not feeling the pressure to blog about them anymore. It's been good for me to lose that "burden" of feeling that I had to blog. I was afraid to lose my audience - which I know I have to some extent - but thanks to Facebook and emails, I don't feel out of touch at all. One thing to like about FB I guess.
On to next thought...
My lack of blogging is somewhat due to some other issues though. One being that my internet connection isn't always great. It's free, so I'm hardly complaining about it's malfunctions - but if its windy, if its rainy, if its too cold, if its too hot, my connection continuously fails. Argh. Annoying. But it's sunny, and not windy today, so my connection is good.
On to next thought...
My lack of blogging has also been due to the fact that I've been unmotivated - which has been one of the side effects of being heavily affected lately by high anxiety. I've been experiencing frequent periods of very high anxiety since Rayya was 5 months old - and suspiciously also the same time that I had to stop nursing. There have been moments when I have feared that I will never get to be the old me again. I've always had an anxious side to me, but not like this. Not the way I've felt it now. It builds up over a few days, and then hits a peak that can last 2-5 days. During those peak days I feel I can barely function. My thoughts whirl through my head a mile a minute, and I can't even keep up in a normal conversation. I isolate myself. I can't cook. I can't keep my patience up very long (meaning regular trips to grandma's house for sanity breaks). It's really been unpleasant.
I saw my OB about it, and she did a full panel of hormone tests. They all came back normal. Eventually, Rayya started sleeping through the night on a regular basis - and the anxiety improved quite a bit. But even one or two nights with interupted sleep, and I am back to a freak of nature.
Since then, I have established a timeline for the anxiety - which lines up perfectly with my cycle. Anxiety builds up leading up to ovulation, and then goes down, then gradually back up again leading up to menstruation and lasting for nearly that entire cycle and then down. So I can somewhat predict my worst times now, which helps. Right now I am in a very good part of the cycle, and have had very little to no anxiety during the last week. It could be that it's going to finally go away (the OB thought perhaps that my hormones were still adjusting after quitting nursing). Or maybe it's because I'm learning to be filled with the Spirit instead of with anxiety.
On to next thought...
My Bible study is taking a Beth Moore series on the Fruits of the Spirit, called "Living Beyond Yourself". We're just getting into it - but already it's been helping me "change my day", and "change my life". Beth talks about how we are to "pour out" to God each day, so that He in turn can "pour into" us. I've made it a challenge to myself to do this every morning - and wow - I have seen a complete 180 degree turn in my mood, my energy level, my attitude - my entire day is changed! It's been fabulous! Even my anxiety stands no chance against my new Spirit-lead lifestyle. I have hardly felt the effects of anxiety since I started this new daily ritual.
So perhaps this new change in my life, and the banishment of anxiety from my daily living will help me find the time and motivation to keep blogging. Perhaps there is more that I can share about our lives that can encourage you and bless you, and hopefully entertain you as well!