Overwhelmed

I haven't been blogging much lately, for many different reasons. There are the obvious reasons: life is busy, it's summer, and we're outside a lot! So much stuff is happening, that I don't have time to blog about it all, and if I did - it would be one monstrous blog post!

Then there are the not-so-obvious reasons. One the of the reasons is that I am extremely overwhelmed these days. I have trouble with being overwhelmed at the BEST of time, but particularly now - when I am majorly nesting, and feeling the on-coming exhaustion of the third (and last!) trimester falling upon me, and my body. My body is definately noticing the extra strain, especially because I am also constantly running after my little buddy, James. It feels like there is SO much to do, and I'm running out of time. James' new room is far from ready, and I can't clean up in there and get it ready, and painted until it's time. And if his room isn't done, we don't have a place for new furniture for him, so that has to wait. And if there isn't furniture, I can start moving his stuff into there. And if I can't move his stuff into there, I have no good place to start putting the new baby's stuff. And if I can't do THAT... well, I'm just lost. I need to get these things done, AND SOON, because my energy is depleting, and let's face it - baby could show up early.

On that note, and now that you think I've completely lost it, I've also had to contemplate why I blog. Why do people want to read about my life? Why do I WANT people to read about my life? I admit that the blog has actually brought out a rather bad trait of mine. This is the need for verbal or written acknowledgment that I've done something well, or recognition of an accomplishment, a compliment - that kind of thing. I really have used this blog to fulfill my need for this type of attention. When the comments start to become sparce, my mood is actually directly effected. I wonder if I'm not an interesting enough blogger. Maybe my subject was boring. Maybe I just don't actually have that many friends. It gets bad. Then I find myself getting upset that the most blog attention I get is when I've miscarried. Are people feeding off of my misfortune? Secretly enjoying the journey through the pain and the suffering that goes with it? OF COURSE NOT. But these are the insane thoughts that start flooding my mind when I get hurt that "no one" is reading my blog anymore. Is my self worth starting to become dependent on my blog audience? If so, I need to take a step back. So anyway, that's where I'm at with that. I plan to continue to blog - but before I make a post, I have to mentally prepare. I have to make sure I'm doing it for the right reasons, and not just looking to be fulfilled with these kinds of written affirmations that I so enjoy.

In happier news, life is good. Other than the overwhelmed feeling I have trying to prepare for baby - I am PUMPED that we are merely 12 weeks away from meeting the little one! James has also been a blast, and I'm just soaking up all my time with him as my only child. The house is a mess, the yard neglected, the dust bunnies flying, but I am enjoying life with James and one on the way. We spend most of our time outside, and have a calendar packed with events before the arrival of the babe. I really just can't wait - and yet some part of me wants to pause this beautiful moment in time when I can dote all of me to James.