New Year 2013

I don't really like resolutions... maybe because I always screw them up right away!  But I do think that starting a new year is a great time to reflect on the last year, and put some things into perspective to change or improve on for the next year.

I have to admit that though there was a lot of great things in this past year, I felt as I looked back on it that there was an overshadowing darkness on the last year.  I won't get into all the deepest, darkest aspects of it - but I just don't like how the last year went.  Some of it was parenting mistakes, friendship mistakes, marital mistakes, financial mistakes, and in general, and continuing mistake of forgetting to go to God first with EVERYTHING and leaning always on MY OWN strength.  I spent a lot of time in 2012 feeling unhappy, depressed, sad, lonely, and often floundering in doubt about what to do.  I want to turn that around for 2013.
Something we've been needing in our household for years, but even moreso now after building our house is a BUDGET.  I found a free program I could download online called "YNAB", which stands for You Need A Budget.  It gives us a place to put in all our monthly spending and what we'd like to budget for that.  Then we can put in our actual spending, and adjust the budget as we need to.  I am really hoping that this will help keep me more financially disciplined, and thus create a happier home and marriage environment.
I also really, REALLY want to learn to slow down.  I already came pretty far with that in 2012, but I want to take it farther yet.  I have little ones in my care who need my attention so much more than my Facebook status does, or the dishes.  Sometimes this means that something else has to take a backseat - like my desire to cook better meals, and be more available to people who need help.  I find it can be hard to balance all the things I want to be, and want to help with, but I need RIGHT NOW to be a good mommy.  Sometimes that means that things that I feel are priority are going to have to wait.  There will be a time for those things, this is not it.  I want to spend less time getting frustrated and angry with the kids, and try to look for positive ways to guide them and mold them.  I want to spend more time teaching them about Jesus.  I just want to be available to them.
I still do want to cook and eat better, even though sometimes that is the thing I have to sacrifice for the sake of time with the kids.  I can't do it all, and that is the area that I find it easiest to slack off.  I have gotten better - and there is some blame on the kids and my husband for being picky, which makes this a whole lot harder.  In general though I am trying to eat better for myself personally.  I can feel it when I start to slip.
But even above the importance of all these things in learning to rely on God.  Why, oh why, does this have to be an almost daily decision?  It is the first thing I let go, and I don't know why!  It is so easy to run to the phone, to my computer, to my mom, anything and anyone before running to GOD.  I need constant reminders to not do that! 
So that is my little blog post for today.  I do miss blogging every now and then, and yet it is still proving to be good for me to not be on it so much.