Don't Rock the Boat

As a person who deals with a constant battle against anxiety and stress I have long-since learned not to rock the boat.  For example, if the routine works, don't change it.  If the meal rotation works, don't tweak it.  If the daily schedule works, don't mess with it.  If the kids are on the brink of melt down, don't put them into an unpredictable situation and watch the mess unfold.

So today was smoothly sailing along.  I made a last-minute decision to head out to a pool with some friends for the day.  My anxiety threatened the plan, but I decided (with some prayer) that I was not going to let my anxiety rule me today.  It was a good choice.  The kids had a blast all day, and did fantastic.

When we got home the kids had some down time while I made supper.  They devoured the pizza like it was the first thing they had eaten in weeks!  It was time to discuss with James whether or not he was still interested in heading out to VBS.  His dear friend that he had spent the day with at the pool, and whom he sees very rarely had invited him.  Knowing that they are not in the same age group, I sort of assumed that the switch would not be a big deal, and he would seamlessly be allowed to join another class despite his age. 

WRONG.

Now for a quick interlude.  I KNEW this was a mistake.  We had spent all day at the pool, and though the chaos of that went unnoticed, I know that deep down inside it affects James.  Now throw this over sensitive, over tired, over heating child back into chaos for a second time - and he just can't cope.

We walk over the arena (should have driven, just to give him a few more minuted of air conditioned space), and into the reception line where things are bustling.  When I go to register James, and request the class he would like, we were somewhat harshly asked to step aside while the pre-registered kids were ushered in.  At the same time, the comment "Oh, I really don't think that will work" is made - and that is the moment when James lost his cool.  It's the moment I dread, because recovery is slim-to-none at that point.  He started to sob, because all he wanted was to be with his friend.  Not only was his sadness heart-breaking, but inside my heart was breaking, because in those situations I don't know what to say or do.  I want to say, "Hey, look.  James has a condition that makes this little bump in the road seem like a mountain.  He is already hot, over tired, and just plain frustrated with all this commotion.  If he would just simply be allowed to be with his friend, there is a great chance he will actually stay, and have a great time."  But I freeze up, politely push over to the side, and do my best to make James feel okay even though he feels miles from it.

I knew it was a done deal, but I tried to wait around long enough to make sure he had a sufficient chance to change his mind and stay.  I let him make the choice, and in the end, despite being allowed into his friend's class, he just wanted to go home.

I'm totally fine with his choice, because I saw the situation unfold before it even happened.  I know that some people will think he is just a spoiled child who didn't get to have his way.  I needed to give James the opportunity to try going to VBS tonight, but on the other hand, I feel guilt for seeing him get hurt and knowing that it was bound to happen.  He can't learn to cope if I don't put him in situations that are unpredictable, and yet no matter what, when my little boy is hurting, my heart is shattering.