Look How Far We've Come!

I know as well as anyone where this blog began, and where we have come since then.  Though I rarely talk about it anymore, in blogging or in person, there is hardly a day that goes by that I don't remember how I thought we would never have kids.  Ya, I know that it was premature to think that after having only one miscarriage at the time.  However, it was hard to suppress that thought and also the reality that it could have been true.  On June 26th, it was six years ago that our first beloved baby would have been due.

I am so grateful, so incredibly grateful, that God spared me the pain of another loss after the first.  And now, almost six years later, my precious gift from God has finished up his year in Kindergarten.  I am not one of those moms that dreads summer holidays.  Maybe sometime that will change.  Right now I want to just lavish in my time with my little boy.  Come fall he heads off into the world of "real" school.  A stage in his life that will take up the next twelve years, and one that probably makes me pray for his safety and survival the most.

Kindergarten wasn't easy for James, and in some ways I wasn't totally surprised.  James likes to be near me at all times.  He doesn't have to see me, but he likes to know I'm close.  That is because I like to have him near me at all time.  I don't have to see him, but I like to know he's close.  Maybe it's a first born thing.  Maybe it is just me.  But that boy is literally my heart walking around outside my body, and it scares me to death that he will be in someone else's care from 9:00am - 3:35pm every weekday.  This is the only thing that makes me think that homeschooling is a viable option.

However, I need to let him go and experience life.  My precious miracle boy needs to go out there and be great, and get hurt, and live life.  And every day, maybe even as much as every hour, I will be praying for him.  I just don't want anyone to crush his spirit, and ruin him.  I don't want to see him be hurt in a way that can't be kissed away, and fixed with a fart joke and Oreos.

All that being said, I want to tell you about James.  James is the most caring and compassionate boy I know!  I feel absolutely like a beautiful, smart, fun and important person when I with him.  He is abundantly smart, kind, caring, and friendly.  He loves his sister more than I've ever seen a little boy love his sister.  I wanted to raise him to be like that... but he is just like that on his own.  He makes me so proud.  He makes US so proud!

James is a fantastic swimmer.  I got him kid-sized goggles this spring, and he can do things in the water with those goggles on that rival the likes of professional synchronized swimmers. 

With that, I want to congratulate James on finishing Kindergarten.  His teacher says so many great things about him.  The potential for him to go far, and be great is absolutely there.  So as sad as I am to let him go, I am so excited to see him succeed.  To be there to watch as he soars, but still close enough to catch him if he falls.

James Kennedy, I love you with all my heart.  I am so proud of you for doing your best.  I am so proud of you for heading out to school every morning with zest, knowing that it wouldn't always be easy.  I am so thankful we have all summer to hang out.  I will be sad when you go off to grade one, and I'm going to really miss your face shining in the door at lunch when you get home.  I'll have to wait three and half more hours every day for the best part of my day.  I know you'll be excellent, and brilliant, because you already are.

P.S.  I still often revisit the post I made on November 20, 2006 - the night before James was born.  Everyone's anticipation and excitement about his arrival is still so beautiful and precious to me.  I love reliving those last few days before becoming a mom.  All my friends were so amazing!

The Lord bless you and keep you!  May His face shine upon you, and give you peace! Amen.