Can't Think of a Title

I have SO much on my mind tonight! I don't know where to begin! I guess that I could start by saying this:

I would SUCK at being a missionary.

Though you might be laughing at this, it's the truth. Yes, I can be a missionary right where I am - but I don't mean like that. I mean I would suck at being a missionary for a living. I just get too upset. I can't handle it when people clearly hear the Word, the invitation to know Jesus, with good... no, GREAT... explanations of faith and all that, and yet they just turn their backs on it and walk away. I just get upset. I'm not mad at them, though if I said what I wanted to say in those situations they would probably think I was mad at them. The truth is that I'm actually just scared for them. Scared of their future - their eternity. It's become abundantly clear day after day that we aren't here forever. We all have a numbered amount of days to our lives. Mine might be tomorrow. Maybe even tonight. When is yours? When is your number up? Are you walking along in life, hoping that at just the right moment you will give your life up to God - in the hope that He will save you? He will save you, you know? But what if you don't get that moment? See... I get too upset.

Lately the faith questions, and the opportunities to stand up for what I REALLY believe have been numerous. In some ways, I want it to go away. I don't want to hurt people - but I have to speak the truth. The truth? We don't all just get to Heaven by being good. It just doesn't work like that. And more truth? There is a devil, and hell, and evil and demons. They are real. They are at work. They want you to be down there with them. They would love that.

The good of it all is that it's become clear to me more than ever that I have grown in Christ. I DO feel confident that I know Him. I feel confident to express what I believe He wants others to know about Him. I clearly see that my own beliefs are based on His Word, and that they are truth. They ring true to me because the Spirit is in me - and He guides me. That is something I never knew that little old me would ever experience. I feel strong in what I believe about God. And it makes me so incredibly joyful! The opportunity to question my own belief system, and come out feeling stronger about it than I did before is priceless. I just absolutely wouldn't change a thing about what I believe... or at least the core of my faith anyway. It feels good to feel solid and confident in this. It's all I want to live for, and pass on to my kids. Everything else really means nothing.

So while I am at times feeling overwhelmed with fear for the eternal lives of friends and family, I am also feeling more at peace within myself. This I think is a really good thing. I know there is so much more that I could write about this, but I'd fill pages! And no one would read it.

"For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere. "
Ephesians 6:12-18