I am having a bit of a complex this week. One of my greatest weaknesses is that I compare myself to others a lot, not physically, or anything like that - more often, I compare my accomplishments with others. I tend to be very competitive, but I do it somewhat quietly, and a lot of it is in my head. I get hurt easily and begin to doubt myself, especially if I think someone else is doing a better job at something than I am - and then I decide I should probably just quit. This is how I feel about my blog this week.It may be hormones, but this week I just feel like giving up my blog. I feel like I have no time to read other peoples' blogs, and comment the way I would like to. I also have noticed that I am seemingly posting things here for an audience of about 5-10 bloggers. Maybe there are hundreds of lurkers, but I seem to have lost my initial motivation for blogging. I started it as a place to vent my feelings, and to record my pregnancy. It was just for me, and I didn't care if anyone read it at all. Now I feel like I am sort of doing it for response. If I get a lot of comments, I'm happy. If I get few, I'm discouraged. And then, if I go to another person's blog and they have tonnes of comments, I'm downright upset. This is craziness - and I don't think it's healthy!
So, don't suddenly feel like now you have to flood my comment box with comments! Hahaha! I just wanted to let you know that I may be shutting this part of my life down. Possibly permanently, maybe just temporarily, maybe not at all. But one of my other goals was to use my blog as a place to be real and open, and now I am sharing something that I struggle with. I am trying to give it to God, and see in what direction He will lead me with it. For now, I just thank those who have been walking with me on this journey up until now. I truly love each of you so very much, and your words over the last 2 years have been incredibly helpful and encouraging.
16 comments :
Hey Heather. I'm sorry to read that you're feeling discouraged about your blog. I don't comment a lot, but I do check it frequently, and it's the only way I have been able to get to know you and your family. I love the pictures that you post of your little guy very much :) That being said, I think it's important that the blog add to your life, so if you no longer feel that way, then maybe it's time to end it, or at least change its function in your life. I hope you come to a conclusion about what to do with the blog that brings you peace :)
Hey Heather -
The only reason I am commenting is because I went through this myself over the past month. I actaully only posted about once a week for that time because I was trying to figure out why I was even doing this. I had one post where I actually asked anyone who read my blog to please comment and got 5 - count them, 5 - people reply, which I know I have a few more because my husband didn't even comment and I know that he reads it regularly. I had to come to the conclusion that I would blog for me and actually decided to turn off the comments (though I think I forgot to on my last post- oh, well.)
Just wanted you to know that I read your blog all the time, though I don't comment a lot. I often feel like people must wonder "who in the world is this person?" Maybe not. I have enjoyed getting to "know" you through your thoughts and ponderings and seeing your James grow over the past months. He really is a beautiful child. I like Jilly's comment, so I won't reiterate.
If you want to visit my blog and see my journey through "to blog or not to blog" I can be found at www.elsdons.blogspot.com.
Hi Heather- I totally understand about the whole blog thing...if it wasn't for my family, and my husband's family living SO far away from us, and keeping them updated on us and Annika, I too would've shut my blog down LONG ago! BUT...since I've gone private, its AMAZING how many people had come out of the woodwork wanting to be an invited reader on my blog...I think I have like 70 some readers! THAT'S NUTS! And quite obviously you can tell from my blog not all of them comment. I think I only average 3-5 comments per post. That's pretty crappy. So...with that said maybe you should look into going private...you may be very surprised who wants to keep updated on your blog. I LOVE IT!
Well, I'll say I would hate to see your blog come to an end. I enjoy reading it and seeing cute pictures of James.
I totally know where you are coming from. I feel bad when I can't get around to updating 3 to 4 times a week. I always look numerous times a day to see if I have comments. I am a words of encouragement person and in a way need those comments to build me up. But then i feel down when no one comments. Though I know many people who do read it but don't comment. I wonder what they think even if they don't comment. I think the blog is a great way to be honest and real and to encourage others in their faith. Though blogging can also be a distraction when it becomes a priority over your relationship with God and others.
Thanks for the e card but I couldn't seem to open it.
You up for a walk this week?
Hi, Heather. I've really enjoyed getting to know you and your beautiful James through your blog. I don't comment that often . . . I have no real reason for that. I'm just beginning to realize the value of comments for the author of a blog. Your post has made me re-think my blog viewing and reminded me that I need to comment more often on this and other blogs. Thanks. I certainly can understand where you're coming from, but a huge part of me hopes you continue with this. You're a very good writer and you write on topics that I'm sure are of interest to most moms.
I've always enjoyed your blog, because you aren't afraid to say it like it is! There are a lot of topics that you've brought up that I would be too 'shy' to ask about. I just keep thinking about my father in law reading what I write, and then it keeps me from saying what I really want to say! I've also noticed that everyone seems to be getting fewer comments, now that it's summer. Just wait til Winter... I'm sure we'll all have more time to sit at our computers and comment!! I usually quickly check my whole list everyday, and then only comment if it is REALLY necessary (or I have more time).
I feel like we really could connect with each other in person. I had a lot of the same struggles when my son was born that you have shared with us on your blog. Things like wondering why every other baby was so 'good' at sleeping, and feeling ashamed that I didn't love being a mom as much as I thought I would.
I hope you come to a decision that will bring you some peace, but just know that I will still be checking back to see what/if you are writing about!
Oh yeah, and if you ever decide to do a blogger get-together, I'll be there! I don't live too far from you.
Totally know how you feel Heather. I feel because I don't have kids to blog about no one cares! I think of it more as an online journal. I love your blog you are always so open and honest... don't shut it down.
love love your honesty and vulnarabitly thats why we all keep reading... whatever decision you come too hope its right for you... will miss you if you leave tho..
Hi Heather,
I've been reading your blog since you started it. I didn't know you at all but there was something about the way you were writing that I felt so connected to you. And I still check your blog all the time. I even go back and read your old posts (sometimes I remember you talking about a certain topic, that I'm currently looking for information on)
I must say though I feel the same way... I'm so excited about comments! But I'm also ashamed because I haven't been commenting a whole lot either.
And yeah, I'll be at the blogger-get-together if there ever is one!
i love you chickie. and i know how you feel. i also know that you need to do this for YOU...and push away the thoughts that you aren't good enough or that you're feelings/ideas/emotions/experiences aren't good enough - or that they are anybody's business to be totally honest! if you need this outlet - you need to keep doing it...but for yourself - on your own schedule...and you need to write what you need to write for YOU - not for anyone else. that's why i'm so surprised sometimes with the comments i get on the posts that i never even thought anyone would read - because i did it just for me!
i know this all comes down to how we all compare ourselves to our blogging friends - and whether we are parenting better/the same/or worse than they are. i see this in my church as well. and it drives me crazy -but it's totally normal. i'm not sure at what time we can step back and decide that we don't care what anyone else does - or stop comparing ourselves to them. but i would love it for you if you could start doing that soon - because i know you tend to do that alot. and there is NO need. it's one thing to ask advice, but it's another whole thing to take everything so seriously and feel that we need to take the comments and advice given and use it otherwise we are not good parents! every kid is different, and every parenting style is different. no one can tell you that what you are doing is wrong - because it's YOUR life, your decisions and YOUR child. that's such an epidemic with new mom's...trying to make sure their kid is sleeping through the nite at the "right" age...eating the correct foods at the "right" age and so on....but that has alot to do with all of the books and "experts" that are out there right now. only a small part of the population will find that they work for them. we need to trust GOD...ask Him for guidance, and just make sure that we are filling our home with as much love as possible, and keeping our babies safe, and that's the best we can do. we can try new things and ideas until we are blue in the face, and only 1% of them will work!
ok - wow - that's tons of blabbing i just did - and it's only MY opinion...don't be offended!!!
here's some points i'll make for you.
- you are an incredible Mom
- you have a soft, tender heart
- you have a kid who is in the top 5 of cutest ever!
- you're a Bombers fan (but i'm trying to get over that fact)
- you have been through alot
- and the above fact means that you have lots to share with people.
- you HAVE changed hearts and lives because of your openness and willingness to show your heart and your experiences. God gave you a forum for a reason.
- you ARE good enough
- you ARE doing what is right for James
if you feel that ending your blog for a while is what you need, then i hope you do that. i would miss it like crazy though! i just want to make sure that you have an outlet, cause that's sooo important (coming from another post-partum depressed Mommy!).
i don't have much time at all anymore to comment on people's blogs either. i've just had to come to the fact that i don't need to write something everytime. i'll send people a little note here and there to let them know that i'm still checking in...and i'll comment if i have something really good to say...and when it comes to my blogging - as you can tell...i don't feel i NEED to blog every so many days. i love sharing my experiences and pictures and all of that...but i wait until i have time and energy and really have something to post that i really want to say!
i think all of us in the "original" blogging group - if you know what i mean - are all in the same boat. too busy with little munchkins now...but still wanting to stay connected. as long as we see that everyone is that way -we don't have to feel bad for being "neglectful" bloggers!! do it for YOURSELF babe...no need to impress the likes of me!! :)
ok - i'm stopping now - i promise. don't know if i said anything that makes sense or really needed to be said or hasn't been said yet - but i LOVE YOU. and i totally value what you have to say - and have found solace in it, knowing that i'm not alone in how i feel alot of the time.
YOU are a BLESSING!!!
Oh My I totally completely know where you are coming from. I think we all feel like that at times. We feel we don't have the time to blog as much as so and so and we don't get as many comments as so and so but I'm sure more people are checking in on our blogs then we know. I would def. miss you if you decide to leave and I'm really hoping that you won't. You don't have to post everyday if you are feeling overwelmed. If it makes you feel any better, the last time I posted on my blog was a month ago. I just can't seem to find the time to sit down and post when it's summer time and I'm so occupied with work and family. But I tell myself not to stress mysefl over it and do it when I'll be more refreshed. I don't always comment on your blog but I do check it probably more often then you think. I really enjoy it and want to thank you again for inviting me into your journey. It;s so nice to walk with you. Take care my dear and deep refreshing breaths. It'll get better. Your blog is def. interesting.
Heather, you sound so much like how I feel... A LOT! As much as I hate to admit it, I think I "secretely compete" with others too, in the accomplishment department. Especially since becoming a mom - I read all these blogs of moms who seem to have it all - wonderful babies and they seem to just be able to DO it all. As great as blogging has been, I have to say, at times I think its caused me more worries than it should. Even I'll get advice from someone and it'll almost "hurt" my feelings... I can't even count how many times I've talked to my hubby about how much I just want to take mine down! The other thing too, is I often feel like my time would be much better spent away from the computer... and that just sorta adds to the whole "other moms can do it all" thing. So all my ramblings are just to say, that i think I knwo a little about what you're going through... and how difficult it is!
I'll be praying that you get through this and make the best decision for YOU. I read it constantly b/c you are SO honest and make me feel like I"m not alone!
I love reading your blog Heather! I don't get to comment as often as I would like between having a 3 year old and 5 month old! But I do read it all the time. It's on my daily blog roll!
Add another one who reads and doesn't comment :) But, I think you should blog for YOU! It's a great way to look back on things with James that you might forget, too. i know I've gone back in ours to find out what happened a few years ago and it's great! I hope you decide to keep it, since I'm being selfish, and want to see and read about your little dude!
Hugs!
Hi Heather, Ang's friend here...I read your blog regularly but just have no time to comment. I think you've read my blog before. don't worry about the commenting part, no one comments on mine and when I come home to Manitoba my friends all bug me about not updating regularly...so I know people do read it. However, I do the blog thing mostly to keep track of my daughter's milestones and diarize our life, if other's want to read great, and if not, oh well. I'm horrible at keeping a journal so this is better then nothing.
I also want to let you know that I LOVE how honest and open about motherhood you are! So many mother's can feel that they have to hide their weaknesses when it comes to their children. It's so important that others read what you have to say and it's OK to feel the way we feel...mostly tired ;)
and trust me about the sleep thing, you WILL sleep again. LOL Maria didn't sleep thru the night until she was 1! anyway, that's not why I'm commenting.
take care!
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