Well, we did it folks - we started letting James cry-it-out. First off I have to say that it totally SUCKS! It breaks my heart every second that James is crying. I stand at his door in torture waiting for each interval of ten minutes to pass with tears streaming down my face. Here's the story...Up until now, my hubby and I didn't really agree on how we wanted to handle James' night waking. My hubby was not interested in letting James cry-it-out (from here on in CIO), but I was ready to try anything. However, I felt we HAD to be on the same page before we could support each other through it. Finally, on Saturday night, after trying to put James down after a 12:00am bottle, Ryan walked out of his room while James wailed away in his crib. He refused to fall asleep, and the minute we would put him in his crib he would be up again. It was finally enough, and we agreed that he had to cry. We did decide though that because he is standing up in his crib, we would go in every 10 minutes, lay him down, and then walk out.
So, we did it. The first night was terrible. He went down to sleep around 8:00pm, and then woke up at 12:00am for a bottle. We had decided he could still have the usual 11:00pm bottle - but that night it was 12:00am. Then that whole fussing thing started, so it was time to let him CIO. He cried hard when we left the room, and immediately stood up in his crib. We waited ten minutes, went in, laid him down, patted his head, said "shhhhhh" and then walked out. He WAILED. He COUGHED. He GAGGED. It was BAD. My heart was aching, but I willed myself not to go in - and reminded myself that in the end, this pain will pay off. It took an hour, but finally he settled down (with those heart-wrenching after-cry hiccups), and fell asleep. He slept until almost 7:00am!
Last night was a little different. We were in the city for supper, and James slept on the way home so it sort of messed up his bedtime. He finally went down around 9:00pm. He was up at 11:00am for his bottle, which was fine, and he seemed to go down again relatively easily. He woke up at 4:00am. It was time to let him cry again. It was much the same as the previous night. We went in at 10 minute intervals to lay him down, pat his head, etc. It took an hour, but again he finally settled and slept until 8:00am.
So, tonight we will continue with CIO. The plan remains to put him down around 8:00pm, let him have the 11:00pm bottle, and anything after that is CIO. I am just praying it won't take more than a week to have him sleeping from 8:00pm to 11:00pm, and then 11:00pm to 7:00am. After that, we hope to work on eliminating that 11:00 bottle. If you think to pray for us too, that would be great. I can't remember the last time I had to have this much will power. It hurts this mommy's heart to hear her first born cry like that, but I know that we all need to start sleeping - so this is our last resort.
12 comments :
wow....
I must say, and at the risk of this sounding weird, I am proud of you.
I read the 9th comment on your last post from anonymous, and was encouraged by her courage to speak the truth and boldness to implore you to walk in it. She shared some very wise words....
We are all so frightened to step on anyones toes or offend anyone, that we fail to share the harder side of being a mom. It's not just cuddles and kisses, sometimes we need to step in and for the good of our children, walk in discipline and teaching. Discipline is a word that gets a lot of moms defensive, especially when speaking of a child as young as James. Discipline usually brings a negative response, when in reality, the true sense of the word is very positive, encouraging, and even proof of love (because the Lord disciplines those He loves Hebrews 12:6)
The root word of discipline is disciple (a student, a learner). When God disciplines us, He is making disciples of His children. When you discipline your children, you are making disciples, something we are commanded to do! (go and make disciples of all nations baptizing them in the name of the Father Son and Holy Spirit Matthew 28:19)
The word says that (he who loves his son is careful to discipline him proverbs 13:24).....so many times we look at discpline as us being angry or mean, Anger is usually envolved in "punishment" but not discipline, since discpline is "teaching"....but the word says he's "careful" to discpline. It also says further on that (folly is bound up in the heart of a child proverbs 22:15). Folly means foolishness, or better yet, a "lack of understanding"....(and discipline will drive it far away from him). It is our job to teach train and discpline our children to develop the fruits of the spirit and goldly characters. Be soooooo encouraged that what you are doing is building directly into James's spirit, and producing good and sweet smelling fruit even right now! He is learning truth, and as much as his cry sounds of insecurities, only a child who knows boundaries, who knows his parents are the ultimate authority, and sense the love in that authority, feels secure, and this is exactly what you're doing for him. Do not give up, do not cave, these next few nights will be hard, but press through! You are strong, your husband is strong, and you have the living God dwelling inside you, who will give you all the grace you need, and gives you his word (so that the man of God may be equipped for every good work 2 tim 3:17)
Sorry this turned out to be so long, I coudl've just emailed you....but I felt this was supposed to be shared with others as well.
You're amazing Heather, and keep it up!! James is so blessed to you have you and your hubby working together to produce great things in his life!
I have to agree and say that I'm impressed with you Heather. Even though I don't have any children yet and therefore don't really know, I think you're doing a good thing and I believe this will prove to be successful. I think you'll be rewarded for choosing to do what's tough for the good of your family. Hope you're feeling encouraged about it :)
Heather, that is awesome that James is managing to fall asleep within an hour. Be encouraged as I've heard for some kids it takes much longer.
It is soooo tough and I would just hope that it gets easier for you just as I'm sure it will for James.
Praying for you all for this to pass quickly!
Wahoo! You can do it, girly! Believe me...I KNOW how hard it is! I started the CIO method 3 months ago with Annika. It SUCKS! It totally does...but let me encourage you that it gets SOOOOO much better for you and for James. I do, however, want to warn you not to get discouraged if it takes you longer than a week to get this down. It took Annika a month and a half to go down without crying, and we started her at 4 months old. I had to listen to her cry for 2 weeks (at every nap and bedtime) for 2 1/2 hours STRAIGHT! We'll pray it doesn't take you that long...but hang in there. The first week or two are the toughest, and soon he will be "sleeping like a baby" before you know it! :) Annika is consistently sleeping through the night, thanks to the CIO method!
I will pray for you, Heather! I really believe this will work for you guys if you stick with it.
Don't you feel just a little better that at least you guys have a plan? I know I always did. I hope it is going well for you guys.
that is hard... raying for you. we had minor issues w/ caleb crying at night.. and it took a good day or two .. for him to figure out he couldnt get his way screaming. He went through a crying frenzi when we took his pacifier away at one year. but 3 days after he cried "some" he was just fine!
I encourage you!!! I bless you in this!!!
Being that I've had 5 kids, I really want to encourage you that this is what I would be doing.
He is NOT dying. He is just alittle ticked off that he isn't getting picked up! They are very very smart! they know how to get things! I am very proud of you for what you are doing.
Just remmeber that when you heart is breaking when he's "crying" remind yourself that he is basically just saying (in crying language)
"I'm super mad that you aren't picking me up! Hello!!???Why isn't this working anymore?? I want what I want and I want it NOW!!!"
Soon enough he will learn that this crying business isn't getting him the results that he wants and figure out that it is conterproductive.
That is our goal as parents....To make bad behavior rewarded with the exact opposite with what they want.
Make bad behavior COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.
You can train James to do whatever you want! He is extrememly moldable right now. Don't feel guilty for shaping him...THAT IS YOUR JOB....
Continue to shape this little blessing
But keep at it now, cause the longer you wait to "break his will" the harder and harder it will be to break him later.
It's a fun thing for me now....
To train and shape has become a joyous thing! Email me whenever you want!
I am ALWAYS open to chat about child training. It is a passion of mine~
jswald@shaw.ca.
My sister nin also has good things to say. They are successfully training up Daniel, and she just went through this exact night problem that your going through. It's all in what you are showing them, they will respond.
Blessings to you, you have so much love for you baby, you CAN do this!
sometimes "love" looks different than we think. To love him is to train him....
Oh yeah, and one big important piece is to BE CONSISTENT! don't give in, not even once. That will draw out the process twice as long.
that's great Heather. I know it's hard, my daughter didn't sleep through the night for the first whole year and it drove me to the edge as well. Right after her first birthday we did the cio thing and it worked like a charm. I have no regrets. It was super hard to hear her cry, but one night we put her down and nothing..not a peep, she went to sleep all by herself. It was awesome! she only took a week, but every baby is different. I'll pray for you!
:) Jodi
I like to think of it as we need to teach them to "self soothe".
I have always had so much trouble with the CIO method until Hailey was 10 months old and still waking up 4-5 times a night, so i definatley know how you were feeling, you just get to that point when you have no other option.
As hard as it is to listen to him cry you will be so thankful when he starts to sleep all night. It only took Hailey about 3 or 4 nights and now she sleeps all night, every night from 10:00-7:00!!!
It will get easier, as soon as he realizes that you will not come in and get him every time he crys he will eventually whine alittle and maybe even sit up for a minute but he will lay himself back down and go to sleep.
I never thought the day would come when i would feel rested again but it did and now it will come for you too! Good luck with this and stick to it, you will be so happy you did!
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